Big Ten Picks, Predictions Week 9: At least one of these other games might be good!

If you’re visiting this only for the Penn State-Ohio State takes, stay tuned! We’ll have a full preview of that up a little later today! Since you’re already here, though, why not scroll down and talk about the rest of the Big Ten matchups?

I learned this week that Fargo-Moorhead is a perfectly cromulent micropolitan area to go out in. Something like 4-5 established (~3-4 years old) breweries across the two towns (about 200K between them), a distillery, and bustling suburbs growing south of each. Decently cheap, had Uber/Lyft...

And then today, as the archivist would hurriedly pace over to where I was frantically trying (and failing) to cram 3 boxes’ worth of scanning into 45 minutes before they closed at noon and update me on when the first snowstorm of the year was supposed to hit, I remembered that 45 miles-per-hour gusts and blowing snow creating white-out conditions is why they remain Fargo-Moorhead and not, like, an actual place.

Funny accents, though. (No, really. There’s a difference from standard North Central dialect—what you hear from hearty, salt-of-the-earth Minnesotans. It’s amusing.)

Good beer, too.

wisconsin badgers (-26) at Illinois Fighting Illini

11am || ESPN oh holy shitballs why would you put that on ESPN

Unanimous, 14-0, wisconsin covers. Do not watch this game.

Thumpasaurus: lol

BigRedTwice: Unwatchable. And I say that as someone who has personally watched most of Nebraska's games this year. This will be ugly. And it will be very bad for Illinois.

Creighton M: Is this even legal?

Andrew Karolwojtyla: Badgers cover. Look away.

MNW: Jesus. 37-7. Or something. Lovie Smith’s buyout, remember, is 4x that of Paul Chryst.

rutger Scarlet Knights at Michigan Wolverines (-24)

11am || BTN

SU: Michigan, 13-delusion || ATS: PICK’EM, 7-7

Thump: The 'Gers is going to make some people in Ann Arbor really anxious as they provide serious resistance to the bumbling Wolverine offense. Rutgers covers in another low-scoring shit show won by Michigan.

BRT: I have heard around here this week that Rutgers is Big Time now, and so they're probably definitely going to win this one! Ok, they're not, but the good news for Ruth's Chris Steakhouse, and also Rutgers I guess, is that this probably isn't going to be 78-0 again.

CM: Rutgers beats the spread, fans immediately flood our comment section demanding we start taking them seriously.

AK: big spread for a bad offense. I...guess I'll take the points

MNW: The “clear eyes, full hearts, can’t will probably lose” of the Big Ten could sure make this fun for a bit, but we all know it’d be a bigger upset than Appalachian State. Michigan, 20-3.

#16 Michigan State Spartans (-1.5) at Northwestern Wildcats

2:30pm || ESPN

SU: Michigan State, 11-3

Thump: Michigan State: All indications are that they'll win a sloppy punting duel 17-10.

BRT: I suppose MSU will win in spite of trying not to, they will rise in the rankings because that's what happens when you're ranked and win.

CM: This is a strong contender for dumbest game of the week (though we all know Iowa-Minnesota is taking home that prize). Sparty wins?

AK: Sooner or later this whole not-really-having-an-offense thing will bite MSU. Fortunately, the host doesn't have one either. MSU covers. DROP MY PICKS BRO

MNW: Pat Fitzgerald opts to punt, down 3, with 2:45 remaining from the MSU 45, justifies it after the game by saying he “really thought we could force the three-and-out and flip the field. Hunter Niswander kicks it into the end zone for a touchback shanks it 10 yards into the wind. I shout at my fiance and she does not speak to me for two days. Sparty, 17-14.

Indiana Hoosiers (-4) at Maryland Terrapins

2:30pm || BTN

SU: Indiana, 11-3 || ATS: Indiana, 10-4

Thump: Indiana is in my opinion the far superior team, and after their brutal start to the conference slate, people are going to have to reckon with this

BRT: I almost picked Maryland, but then remembered they don't really have a QB. Still, I wouldn't be surprised if Indiana took them to the wire, and then decided to fold.

CM: Indiana still has a nasty defense, and the Terps are bringing in a bunch of random severed limbs duct taped together to play quarterback. Give me the Hoosiers.

AK: I promise if Indiana loses this one I'll stop saying they're actually secretly good. I like them to win and cover though.

MNW: I honestly just don’t know what to do anymore. Indiana? 23-17?

Minnesota Golden Gophers at Iowa Hawkeyes (-7.5)

5:30pm || FS1

SU: Iowa, 13-1 || ATS: Minnesota, 8-6

Thump: I think if Iowa puts eight in the box, Minnesota probably won't run all over them like they did to the Illini. This will force them to throw, which has been quite an adventure so far. Iowa covers.

BRT: This is going to be a terrible game. Unfortunately, Iowa never seems to have quite as many embarrassing losses in them as you'd like them to.

CM: Floyd stays in Iowa City, but I'm done picking Iowa to cover the spread for the rest of the year.

AK: Bit more of a line than I expected, so give me the points and the Hawkeyes win.

MNW: Iowa could put all fucking 11 in the box. Demry Croft couldn’t hit water if he fell out of a goddamn boat. Just another opportunity to succeed by failing, Gophers. Iowa, a boner-inducing 13-10.

Nebraska Cornhuskers at Purdue Boilermakers (-6.5)

6:30pm || BTN

SU: Purdue, 8-6 || ATS: Nebraska, 9-5

Thump: Close game that looks like a defensive struggle but is really just offenses driving the ball and turning it over. Nebraska covers, Purdue wins a home game as the Purdue faithful aren't ready to go back into hiding just yet.

BRT: I've already seen Nebraska lose to Purdue in recent memory, so I have hardened my heart to what is sure to be a tragic game for pretty much everyone involved.

CM: This game just feels like Nebraska is going to win it in the weirdest, dumbest manner they possibly can.

AK: Good grief, Purdue getting a TD over Nebraska? Dafuq happened to you, Huskers? Let's pour a pity shot, give me the points

MNW: Resident Purdue hater, here and happy to pick against the Boilers yet again. This week it’s Tanner Lee showing that he still has a little bit of a pulse. Huskers, 24-20.

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I’m sure we said something stupid or did something wrong. Tell us what that was and who you’re picking in the comments.

Vote in the polls, too.