Welcome to this week’s edition of the Misery Index! Let’s hop to the mockery:

U$C lost to Washington State.

Let’s get a few things out of the way: I’ve despised U$C since they defeated my Northwestern Wildcats in the 1996 Rose Bowl. I’m also a huge fan of the eccentric pass-happy Pirate of the Palouse, Mike Leach, who was unjustly fired from Texas Tech. I’m a big fan of a redemption story, and fwiw Craig James, Adam James, and Kent Hance all suck.

Let’s check in with our friends at The Conquest Chronicles

Injury bug is ravaging USC but this one is on Tee Martin. Shitty offensive playcalling, particularly in short yardage situations, finally caught up with USC. I also hope somebody asks the coaching staff why Jones only had 14 carries tonight, especially after he busted an 86 yarder. I guarantee Washington State loses their next game to Oregon after shooting their wad tonight. The Oregon State effect.

Fight on!

Posted by Shackleford on Sep 30, 2017 | 1:12 AM reply rec flag

Hey guys, please hire the most <sarcasm font>beloved</sarcasm font> offensive coordinator in Chicago Bears and Purdue Boilermakers history: John Shoop!

GIS + Pixelmator & LPW

Seriously, we are doing this shit again

Posted by Trojan Knight on Sep 30, 2017 | 12:51 AM reply rec flag

I hope we lose honestly

I seriously do. These coachses are absolute idiots. Clay Helton has a job because of Darnold, Tee Martin shouldn’t have a job.

Posted by Gorillaz on Sep 30, 2017 | 12:52 AM up reply rec flag

SHOOP! SHOOP! SHOOP!

LSU lost to the Troy Trojans 24-21

Let’s check in with our friends at And the Valley Shook

First Impressions:

https://media.tenor.com/images/ae9d29e38a72affc618b0aa3dd450f0c/tenor.gif

Posted by Deadpool's Gun on Sep 30, 2017 | 9:49 PM reply rec (12) flag

Yeah, losing to a team in whatever division or conference (Fun Belt?) Troy is in is like smelling a rancid fart.

I haven't been this upset after a loss in a while

LSU football right now is a joke. This coaching staff has no idea what it’s doing. Just there’s no words to describe what a crap show that was. Our line can’t consistently block Troy. Etling is… I don’t know. Has moments where he looks good and then other times just slow and timid. Get’s benched. Brennan comes in has some great moments, great TD, and then throws in a freshman qb pick. Benched.

This staff doesn’t know how to manage this team. This administration doesn’t know how to manage the football program. Now we’re going to waste the best QB we’ve had on campus in a decade. The lines look like absolute trash. Can’t block anyone. The defense is…young and figuring things out.

Just disgusted.

Posted by ProvoTiger on Sep 30, 2017 | 10:25 PM reply rec (1) flag

You guys were warned about Coach O.

Your friends in Oxford coined a memorable song about him.....

Hmmm.. you don’t remember?

Really?

Lemme refresh your memory

Firing Les Miles and installing Coach O...

Will probably go down as one of the dumbest decisions in sports history.

Firing Miles is legitimately debatable. But doing so in order to make Orgeron the coach puts you in the dumb-ass hall of fame.

Posted by monkeyattackedmyass on Oct 1, 2017 | 4:56 AM reply rec (8) flag

Fire Joe Alleva!

You don't pay Miles $16 million to walk away and then bring in his defensive line coach as the replacement.

Posted by Deadpool's Gun on Oct 1, 2017 | 10:53 AM up reply rec (2) flag

Sucks for you!

Tennessee lost to Georgia 41-0

I love the cartoons over at /r/cfbball.

They’ve had a few good ones in the past three years, and here’s a good B1G one:

Three seasons ago Georgia had an exceptionally tumultuous season. The artists over there turned UGAball into a hate-filled murder machine who dealt with Volball rather violently. Here’s a sneak peek.

HATE FEEDS THE DAWG.

Without any further ado, let’s check in with our friends at Rocky Top Talk:

Thank God

For a loving and understanding wife and Jack Daniels. That is a need watching this team.

Posted by yrekacavol on Sep 30, 2017 | 5:16 PM reply rec (2) flag

After watching Northwestern lose to Wisconsin (see below), yeah, (tell our butlers to) pass the booze. Although I don’t think you’ll drink Malört like other Chicagoans do.

Your liver will thank you.

Welp screw Bitch Jones

He has lost this team. Tennessee is a laughing stock. Brick by brick trash. Pathetic complete ASS WHOOPING being put on Mr media hating thin skinned trash coach. Slogans and bullshit only get you so far. Bye Butch.

Go VOLS!

Posted by yrekacavol on Sep 30, 2017 | 5:26 PM reply rec (2) flag

Tell us how you really feel yrekacavol.

Now this is Rocky Bottom

If you’re going down, go down spectacurly. All of Jone’s hires have been terrible. The next change has to be him. He’s a fraud who cought lightening in a bottle when he got hired here. Now everyone can see the reality.

Posted by phil g on Sep 30, 2017 | 6:36 PM reply rec flag

My sentiments exactly*

* when drunk on shitty Tennessee liquor

** Which has never happened, because I have standards.

*** I swear I don’t drink Malört often.

**** unless there are visiting friends who need to put some hair on their chest with a Chicagoan rite of passage.

***** Like when my friend Hawkeye Elvis in 2015 when the Hawkeyes visited Evanston

Northwestern lost to Wisconsin

shit

Posted by LincolnParkWildcat on Sep 30, 2017 | 2:12 PM reply

THROW...THE...DAMN...BALL...

DOWN…THE…FIELD!!! skowronek and wilson have both PROVEN they can win 50/50 balls! give them a chance PLEASE!! dumping the ball off underneath over and over and over and OVER AGAIN is PATHETIC!!! we are never going to get our opponents to BACK OFF until we at least ATTEMPT to go VERTICAL!!!!!

Posted by UnfrozenCaveman on Oct 1, 2017 | 9:38 PM reply rec flag

Yeah, that game sucked. MNW and I talked about it in SMCD.

Minnesota lost to Maryland

Let’s check in with our friends at the Daily Gopher

Worst thing ever

Now I have to listen to the three people in this state who care about Twerps football run their mouth. The radio guys yesterday were blabbing about how Minnesota had only played horrible teams previously.

Posted by baltovike on Oct 1, 2017 | 5:13 PM reply rec flag

But what's worse

Is having to put up with the comments from Sconites who live and work in MN. Dang they’re obnoxious. Only thing worse is the Packer fans.

Posted by OldTimer78 on Oct 1, 2017 | 6:57 PM up reply rec flag

OldTimer78, I’m a Bears fan, and you’re preaching to the Choir about Packers fans. They’re the worst.

You know you blow

When one of Maryland’s ten fans drops by to give you a condescending pat on the head. MARYLAND. Which of the dudes who torched us Saturday did they not have last year? As I recall, we beat the snot out of them at their place and only had to throw the ball a dozen times to do so. 3/4 of this year’s intended starting secondary picked the wrong 5 year period of history to be accused of sexual assault, but that position group wasn’t nearly as embarrassing as the line play. Mayes and Moore and Elmore should still be here. Cashman is too good to not be contributing. Poock ain’t bad either. We were not so devoid of talent that we needed to blow the whole thing up and get run over by fricking Maryland (the second most well-known umd in the state). Losing to them sucks but will happen, but to get physically dominated like we did is bs. Also play beebe.

Almost feel better.

Posted by Gophers09 on Oct 1, 2017 | 10:44 PM reply rec (1) flag

FIFY

3/4 of this year’s intended starting secondary picked the wrong 5 year period of history to be accused of was dismissed for sexual assault.

Posted by donnie312 on Oct 2, 2017 | 9:53 AM up reply rec (4) flag

Iowa lost to Michigan State

Let’s check in with our friends at Go Iowa Awesome

Lumberhawk 30 SEP 2017, 7:24 PM

My final remarks: we are going to need to find offense outside of Wadley. Dump off passes in the flat and short releases across the middle won't work when they just plant an LB there waiting for it. I would've liked to see Young get a few carries to plow some people over if we were gonna try and run against a stacked box and not wear Wadley out. Up until today, it was the deep ball that was plaguing the offense....and was again today outside of the ISM catch. There were too many critical 3rd down drops on short passes. And very uninspringing playcalling throughout. Either punting, first down efficiency, or both need to improve immensely. Constantly starting inside your 10 while the opponent starts inside your 40 is a recipe for disaster, and it's halfway impressive we didn't lose by more. Today was much more like a 6-6 team than a 9-3/10-2 team, unfortunately.

Schawkeye 30 SEP 2017, 10:27 PM

LOL u have not been an own fan for long IT WILL NEVER CHANGE..... GET FUCKING FOR REAL.... KF WILL NEVER CHANGE Ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever,,, Get dam clue IT IS WHAT IS.............

Accepting that a Fertenz will be coaching Iowa for 50 years....

Let’s check in with our friends at BlackHeartGoldPants

Just God awful

Same shit different year

Posted by Jackson Shaw on Sep 30, 2017 | 6:35 PM reply rec (1) flag

Iowa football never changes.

PATIENCE! As it might be a while before we see any significant change.

This is Kirk Ferentz’s computer this morning, downloading the playbook of OC Cam Cameron, of the San Diego Charger.

Ferentz started this download after the 2006 season.

StoopsMyAss on BHGP

Posted by StoopsMyAss on Oct 1, 2017 | 11:58 AM up reply rec (9) flag

Vanderbilt loses to Florida

Let’s check in with our friends at Anchor of Gold

The Alabama game left me hurt

This game left me angry. The years of being a doormat were one thing, but being so close to success and still faltering is frustrating. Dropped passes, a still faulty O-Line, and missed tackles are tough to explain in week 5 for a competent program.

And the best part? When we played well leading up to the second half, "the internet" was chalking it up to an overhyped Florida team. Same Ole Vandy, indeed

Will travel to bowl games, not fairgrounds.

Posted by WestEndMayhem on Sep 30, 2017 | 2:36 PM reply rec (5) flag

HAHAHAHAHA.

We did know the physical effect of the 4 game maelstrom (KSU, Ramajama, Jorts, and Dog Balls on Ice)...

…was going to be there. I mean, at the beginning of the season, I figure we’d be housed against Bama, lose to the size of the Jorts and Dog Balls, and as long as we suffered no major injuries, being 3-3 would be a great outcome. I still think that. It could be much much worse.

Uga’s going to kill us.

Then we reset.

by Andrew VU '04 on Sep 30, 2017 | 2:39 PM up reply rec (1) flag

Dog Balls on ice... I’m speechless here.

Don't look now,

but Bama is officially beating Ole Miss worse than us…

Posted by Silliputti on Sep 30, 2017 | 11:07 PM reply rec (14) flag

WE’RE NOT THE WORST! WE’RE NOT THE WORST!! WOO GO DORES! /snickers