We've had a few fun stories come to light in the world of Big Ten football the last few days: cussing coaches, broken vertebrae, and weird alternate jerseys.
What I'd like to do though in this spontaneous, half-baked, and in no way recurring new segment is suggest to you: Y'all are getting worked up over REALLY STUPID SHIT.
Instead, might I introduce the Big Ten Moral Outrage Meter? Feel free to call it the B1G MOM if you'd like. It's a non-scientific, possibly-offensive way of rating the hottest stories in Big Ten news and projecting my own moral compass onto the rest of you.
Shit, this sounds like a terrible idea.
Item 1: OSU's alternate jerseys.
A silly but good-looking light gray that "looked white" under bright lights drew some modest attention. Was Penn State upset about the color shenanigans? Merely responding to Ohio State complaining about the white-out? Protesting their ugliness?
Whatever it was, this was a silly kerfuffle but one that should at least make us thing long and hard about alternate uniform choices. I would like to propose these simple rules:
- Don't be dicks. That light a gray was unnecessary, Buckeyes. "Pack of wolves" my ass.
- DON'T USE GRAY. Stop doing this, Illinois! Stop doing this, Northwestern! No one gives a fuck about "Anthracite" unless it's one of Peejer's dumbass motivacronyms, Minnesota! Goddamnit gray unis are dumb.
- Throwbacks to old teams are cool. Whatever Nebraska tried with that mesh bullshit was not.
- Blackout jerseys are aight. Generally any "color rush" that's NOT GRAY is fine.
I hope we can all agree. If not, you're wrong and should feel bad.
How outraged about alternate jerseys are you?
This poll is closed
Not at all.
Unless it’s something shitty like the Northwestern Wounded Warrior disaster, I don’t care.
Don’t be shitty.
Fuck the color gray.
No problems here!
Item 2: Brian Ferentz goes blue.
In case you missed it, Brian Ferentz vocally and profanely responded to an incorrect ruling after a replay review of a fumble call. He swore. A lot. I believe "fucking bullshit" and "motherfucking cocksucker" were tossed around.
That, in turn, has led to our learning that the Press Box is the holiest and most sacrosanct location at a football field. Case in point, from the Quad City Times-Shopper-Bugle:
Ferentz respected that, but crossed the line with the volume and tenor of his argument which was on display in front of hundreds of people on that level of the press box.
Thank goodness our Iowa SBNation friends are being level-headed about i—
Our damn offensive coordinator yelled obscenities at some Big Ten officials in the freaking press box. That’s not okay by any stretch of the imagination and I’m glad Kirk brought it up in the post-game presser.
It honestly kind of scares me, too. If our offensive coordinator is losing his temper at random Big Ten Conference officials.... what’s he like to work with on a day-to-day basis? I’m willing to give him the benefit of the doubt on this particular incident, but considering the extremely rare looks we get into what goes on behind the scenes of the Iowa coaching staff, it’s not exactly a thing that inspires confidence.
Jesus. Brian Ferentz disrespected the delicate sensibilities of people who probably got the LBJ treatment from Overalls-Wearin' Hayden Fry? Fuck that. All these "Brian's passionate, but there's a time and a place" bullshit takes are no more than "you gotta pay your dues, kid" leg-humping paeans to the Do It The Right Way nonsense that runs rampant in Iowa City.
If you're outraged Brian Ferentz used "cocksucker" as a slur, that's fine. It's an intersectional world and I'm just living in it.
But if you're mad at his decorum? Fuck you, you, that's motherfucking bullshit.
Was Brian Ferentz in the wrong?
This poll is closed
Not at all.
TIME AND A PLACE HEAVEN FORBID THE MEDIA HEARS CURSE WORDS
Item 3: Wilton Speight breaks his back or something, everyone forgets how medicine works.
You want something to be mad about? Look at the Wilton Speight situation that's led to a mini-war of words between Michigan, Purdue, and the Speight family. Just look at this juvenile sniping!
"I wish I'd have taken a picture of the actual table that was given to the visitors to put the players on when they're injured," he said, according to the Detroit Free-Press. "It looks like it was from the '20s. It was ripped. Just not good. I think that's a pattern in the Big Ten."
Shortly after Harbaugh initially complained about the facilities in September, Purdue fired back with a statement.
"Purdue regards the welfare of all student-athletes as its No. 1 priority," the school said on Sept. 25. "We would fully support a conversation regarding a conference-wide set of guidelines for visiting football team accommodations because we have experienced less-than-ideal conditions on the road. There is no place for gamesmanship when it comes to player care and safety. The after-the-fact concerns expressed by Michigan are somewhat surprising because a member of its football staff conducted a walk-thru of of our facilities with our athletic department staff at Ross-Ade Stadium on July 18."
This was a failure all around.
Michigan, you think he had a broken back on the field? WHY WOULD YOU LET HIM WALK OFF THE FIELD?
Purdue, I don't get why you are seemingly incapable of having anything remotely approaching adequate medical care. Asking him for insurance? Not having any public safety in place to get him quickly to the hospital? Good God.
What this whole exercise has hopefully done is forced every Big Ten athletics department to take a good look at their emergency medical care protocols. In the meantime, we saw Brady Hoke levels of ineptitude from all parties involved in Wilton Speight's injury.
And that's something worth being pissed about.
In the Wilton Speight kerfuffle, you should be outraged over...
This poll is closed
Nothing. Freak accident.
Everyone fucked up; take a look in the mirror.
Purdue’s handling of it.
Michigan’s handling of it.