The Tennessee Volunteers faithful have been quite self-congratulatory regarding their role in Twitter and other social media in the aborted Greg Schiano hire, which they opposed only because of undeniable proof that Schiano orchestrated a grand conspiracy to cover up heinous crimes of abuse at Penn State and not because of their perceptions of his coaching abilities. With history’s most noble and altruistic victory behind them, VolTwitter eagerly awaits the next head coach in Knoxville as long as it’s Jon Gruden (though multiple sources can confirm that they would settle for Nick Saban).
Twitter is full of unsubstantiated but detailed announcements that Purdue Boilermakers first year coach Jeff Brohm has agreed to coach the Volunteers, and while this might seem like a victory for Rocky Top, let’s put our Clay Travis hats on for a second and uncover the truth the media doesn’t want you to know.
Having done that, here’s five reasons Tennessee cannot risk hiring Brohm. Heed my words, Vols fans.
1. Brohm’s involvement in the Penn State scandal was much deeper than Schiano’s
I know this might be hard to hear, but it’s the truth. Brohm was the quarterbacks coach at Illinois in 2010 and 2011, during which time Nathan Scheelhaase developed into a good dual-threat quarterback. But when the Fighting Illini played Penn State in 2011, the vaunted Illini offense could only muster seven points against Joe Paterno’s Nittany Lions in a 10-7 defeat. This would be the final win of Paterno’s career, as the Sandusky scandal would hit the news in the ensuing bye week. This would also be the win that broke his tie with Bobby Bowden for the most wins of all time.
I’m not saying that Brohm threw the game so that Paterno’s wins record would overshadow the impending Sandusky news, but I am laying out some facts that should allow you to draw your own conclusion about whether Brohm’s contribution to the cover-up was even more heinous than Schiano’s. Maybe in Purdue they don’t care about integrity, but this is Tennessee for God’s sake.
2. Brohm once rushed a player back from a serious injury
While he was in a leadership role with the XFL’s Orlando Rage, the team’s quarterback suffered a very serious injury after being sacked. Brohm pushed him to return the next week, and he did so. When asked about this, Brohm responded with questions of his own: “Is this or is this not the XFL? Yes it is. [Does our quarterback] currently have a pulse? Yes [he does]. Let’s play football.” In 2017, anyone that would push a player to return from injury with this philosophy has no place at a noble institution like Tennessee that does things the right way.
3. Brohm Is A Disciple Of Bobby Petrino
We’ve learned that the most important thing for the next Tennessee football coach is that he be virtuous and honorable. What does that say about a man who played AND coached under Bobby Petrino, recently named one of the worst people in college football? Connect the dots and it’s not too hard to see that the apple won’t fall far from the tree. All the success in the world won’t mean anything #VolNation if there’s even the slightest air of impropriety.
4. Brohm’s Coaching Record Is Subpar At Best
After having his playing career cut short due to injury, Brohm coached at the professional level, where he wasn’t able to hack it in the lowly af2 league. He took the reigns of the Louisville Fire and led them to a miserable 2-14 record before fleeing back to the college ranks and taking a job with Petrino.
After hiding out in the Louisville coaching staff long enough for people to forget about his failures in the professional ranks, Brohm was able to get a head coaching gig at Western Kentucky, where he lost to Tim Beckman’s Illinois Fighting Illini to secure an 0-1 lifetime record against the legendary doofus. But his time at WKU isn’t why Tennessee is interested.
No, Tennessee’s interest stems from a notion that 6-6 is a fundamentally acceptable record for a coach of the caliber Tennessee demands. Tucked away in those six losses are defeats at the hands of a Nebraska team that fired its head coach for ineffectiveness and a low-scoring loss to the Rutgers Scarlet Knights. As we learned with Greg Schiano, Rutgers is nobody, so someone who’s lost to Rutgers is less than nobody.
5. He Isn’t Jon Gruden
As far as I can tell, his name is Jeff Brohm, not Jon Gruden, and Gruden’s schedule makes it impossible that Brohm is just his alter ego that actually wants to coach at the college level.
Do the right thing, #VolTwitter. Make sure they don’t hire Jeff Brohm. As you yourselves keep saying, #VolTwitter is undefeated.
(This is satire. We don’t want to see Jeff Brohm leave the Big Ten, and we hope someone starts a social media movement with any one of these flimsy excuses.)