Who’s ready for the best trophy game in the Big Ten?
Yeah, that’s right. It’s fuckin’ LAND GRANT LAZERZ PEW PEW PEW WEEK. Have you been appropriately hyped? No, you haven’t, because there’s been a glaring dearth of PEW PEW PEW LAZERZ in the comments this week.
At this point I would like to talk to you about the MAC rivalries you missed this week. Did you know the MAC has rivalries? You should educate yourself. First, on Tuesday we had DUELING RIVALRY GAMES! Kent State and Bowling Green, because of course they did, played for something called the Anniversary Award. I can’t even find a picture of the Anniversary Award! Seriously, Google it. Is it in the first 10 hits of your search? No. It is just Toledo-Bowling Green Battle of I-75 trophies all the way down. What the fuck.
Anyways, we ALSO missed the BATTLE OF THE BRICKS! Yeah, that’s something Miami Hydroxide and Ohio play for. That’s about all I know about it. There’s no trophy.
BUT. BUT. Did you want a kinda generic trophy that’s still AWESOME? One that UNLV and Nevada play for? One that Princeton used to rub in poor little rutger’s nose? One that Purdue and Illinois will play for? We don’t care about none of that, because we got peak fuckin’ MACTION as Central Michigan stormed back from 14 down to retake the VICTORY CANNON from the Artists Formerly Known as Boat-Rowers in Kalamazoo. It was amazing, and if you missed it I feel bad for you.
But NEVER FEAR, friend. Would you like to watch two MAC teams play for a trophy that you could’ve sworn Iowa and Iowa State play for? Well next Tuesday: IT’S BALL STATE. IT’S NORTHERN ILLINOIS. IT’S THE
BATTLE FOR THE BRONZE STALK.
Alright, let’s pick shit.
wisconsin badgers (-11) at Indiana Hoosiers
11am | ABC
SU: wisconsin, 18-0 | ATS: wisconsin, 13-5
Thumpasaurus: Indiana, I had such high hopes. You're...subpar. Wisconsin is slightly good. Wisconsin covers.
BRT: I have learned my lesson and will listen to Candystripes. No miracles for the Hoosiers here. Wisconsin continues its uninspiring march to Indy.
Dead Read: Indiana has to be demoralized at this point, having been competitive in five conference losses. This week the levee breaks. Wiscy covers.
Andrew Marieskłodowska: I'll take Indiana to cover. Wouldn't maximize the heartbreak for their poor fans if IU doesn't keep it close.
Stewmonkey13: Fuck wisconsin
Creighton M: Wisconsin continues to be the worst undefeated team in the country.
MNW: I strongly considered believing all the wisconsin woe-is-me’ers and picking Indiana to win straight-up. Then again, I remember the crossover on the Venn diagram with these little Chicken Little fuckstains crying about Aaron Rodgers’ injury is pretty high. You’ll be fine. Stop your bitching. wisconsin by a dozen.
#7 Penn State Nittany Lions (-7.5) at #24 Michigan State Spartans
11am | FOX
SU: Penn State, 17-1 | ATS: Penn State, 14-4
Thump: Lewerke will not be mistaken for J.T. Barrett any time this season. Low-scoring game that Penn State controls from the get-go and covers.
BRT: Penn State should certainly be able to beat UAEL. Unless they're so demoralized from last week that they collapse in on themselves like a dying star, which wouldn't be hilarious at all.
DR: The Spartans have an impressive defense and I think Dantonio's blood is up after the loss to NW last week. PSU may find it difficult to match its intensity from last week. PSU wins, but MSU's defense keeps it close.
AK: With profound doubt, I'll take the points. Maybe this is one of the games where Dantonio gets the team to overperform.
Stew: I just can't see MSU being able to score enough. The dam breaks, PSU covers.
CM: So is Michigan State still Akron, or are we not doing that anymore? Whatever, Nits unfortunately win.
MNW: Andrew brought up the point in the podcast (which y’all should go listen to!): Michigan State was not. good. stopping Northwestern from racking up YAC in whatever the hell that game was. There’s, uh...there’s that Saquon Barkley fella. Penn State, 31-17.
11am | BTN
SU: Purdue, 16-2 | ATS: Illinois, 11-7
Thump: You know, this one would have been winnable if the Illini were healthy. Since Epstein went down, however, the only runner having any success is Cam Thomas, who's an incredibly raw passer. Illinois once again struggles to move the ball but gets some garbage time points to cover the spread.
BRT: It's been a disappointing few weeks for Purdue, but Illinois is good for what ails ya.
DR: Purdue covers. Illinois is putrid and its freshmen will continue to wear down.
AK: We might have a new candidate for this year's toilet bowl. That is a hefty line to be giving Purdue, I'll take the points.
Stew: That's a pretty big spread for a team that lost to rutger. I'll take IL to cover, somehow.
CM: So I guess Purdue is bad again, huh? I guess I'll take Illinois to somehow accidentally cover.
MNW: I am really just trying to lean into this whole “Purdue hater” thing. And Illinois gives me the perfect opportunity to drive that home. Suddenly, we learn, Purdue can’t stop a passing attack! And worse yet: It’s Illinois’ passing attack! Jeff George Jr. throws for 300 yards and two scores and I die laughing. Illinois, 17-14. Yes, you read that right, 17-14. Illinois will throw for 300 yards and still score just 17 points.
#3 Ohio State Buckeyes (-17) at Iowa Hawkeyes
2:30pm | ESPN
SU: Ohio State, 18-0 | ATS: Ohio State, 10-8
Thump: Dat Iowa home magic....is not going to get it done. Iowa loses 17-10.
BRT: Have fun, Hawkeyes.
DR: I find it hard to imagine Iowa getting over 275 yards in this game. OSU covers.
AK: I think Iowa keeps it close enough to beat the spread.
Stew: Why the hell is this only 17 points? Does Vegas think Iowa will be able to drag OSU into a rock fight? I just don't see this being anywhere near close without lots of OSU turnovers and the Ferentzii airing it out, and the running game somehow finding it's legs. So, yeah, OSU covers.
CM: Time for Ohio State to avenge their transitive loss to the Hawkeyes.
MNW: The football version of Hilton Magic (yes, Iowa football. that is what you are, right down to large bearded men in weird overalls getting REALLY MAD about a DPI against Iowa in which the DB horse-collars the receiver before the ball is even thrown) keeps the Hawks in it. Somehow. But it’s never actually close. Ohio State, 28-14.
Maryland Terrapins (-2) at rutger Scarlet Knights
2:30pm | BTN
SU: Maryland, 11-5 | ATS: Maryland, 11-5
Thump: Maryland's been able to generate consistent, balanced offense somehow and I think they pull off this upset. These are two rebuilds going at the same pace and I think Durkin's doing a better job.
BRT: With Maryland exceeding expectations and Rutgers exceeding expectations in a much more modest fashion... well, this is probably still going to be a gross game. But one that Maryland should win.
DR: I believe Rutgers will win, but I have no idea how. MD is always just a play away from disaster, particularly dealing with QB depth.
Stew: No freaking clue, part one.
CM: How bad has Maryland's season gotten that they're only favored by 2? I'm not buying it. Terps win and cover.
MNW: Don’t care.
2:30pm | BTN
SU: Northwestern, 13-5
Thump: Oh hey, Northwestern might be decent after all. Usually, at this point in the season, they do something silly like getting held to 10 points by Nebraska. Huskers win.
BRT: "Hail Mary, full of grace, by your power we shall crush the Cats." I dunno, I'm not Catholic. Am I doing this right, MNW?
DR: Nebraska to win, based primarily on wishful thinking. We shall see what happens when they just let a more settled Lee sling it. Any way you cut it, this will be "compelling" B1G television.
AK: Is it November? Then gimme the ‘Cats.
Stew: No freaking clue, part two.
CM: Sorry another Florida job opened up for Scott Frost, Husker fans, but I'm sure Kevin Sumlin will be just fine.
MNW: Yeah, BRT, that sounds about right. And Northwestern hasn’t shown it can stop really athletic wide receivers on jump balls and the like. Congrats on your 10-catch, 175-yard, 3-TD day, Stanley Morgan! Huskers, 31-24.
Minnesota Golden Gophers at Michigan Wolverines (-15.5)
6:30pm | FOX
SU: Michigan, 17-1 | ATS: Push, 9-9
Thump: "I hope the quarterback doesn't fuck everything up too badly" said fans of both teams as they looked ahead to this one. Michigan wins but doesn't cover.
BRT: Either way, the rest of us will have a good time chortling at the losing coach. Who, let's be honest, is almost certain to be Peej on this one.
DR: Michigan wins but doesn't cover. Whatever happens on the sidelines will be more interesting than what happens on the field of play.
AK: I'll take the points, notwithstanding the arrival of the QB savior.
Stew: Harbaugh takes out some frustration on the boat rowers.
CM: Oh god please let the coaches get into it after the game. Michigan can't score so Minnesota will be able to cover the spread. Harbaugh fights with prison rules, wins the fight. Peej is scrappy, he'll survive.
MNW: Why? Why would anyone put this under the lights? WHY? Please list all the good Pac-12 and MWC games in the comments so I know what to watch instead of this bullshit. Michigan, 13-7.
Y’all know the drill. Vote, comment, etc. Thanks for reading OTE!
This poll is closed
PEW PEW PEW FRANKLIN
Mark Dantonio thinks your need for three lazerz is unnecessary. Instead, here’s a dive on 3rd and 15 in a monsoon to win the game.
This poll is closed
Ohio State, but your comparison of Iowa football to Iowa State basketball is apt.
Iowa, and your comparison of Iowa football to Iowa State basketball is apt.
Pick an N.
This poll is closed
That sleek, sexy purple N.
That blocky, chunky, fullback dive of an N.