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Mailbag Answers: WSR Apologizes Edition

One “writer” vs. the “readers” Who survives?

Already Infinitely Better Than Jumping Around
Jeffrey Becker-USA TODAY Sports

So here we are. I asked for questions, and I got them. I’m just disappointed that none of you asked any questions about love, surviving winter, video games, or cooking. I guess there’s always next week.

So how many SEC schools will have new football coaches next year, other than Florida? - @joelutzag94

WSR: I’ll say 5: Ole Miss, Tennessee, Arkansas, Texas A&M, and Mississippi State (I think Mullen ends up at Florida).

Where should your actions place you on the moral outrage meter - vaudvillain

WSR: Above the grey uniforms, but below Brian Ferentz using a homophobic slur to display his irritation at the replay officials.

why is michigan so groace - firechriscollins

WSR: Point Blank, I just don’t know.

Do you actually enjoy fireball? And why didnt you join the top notch bus top tailgate session? - bobby1927

WSR: Yes. When I have to drink something other than Grain Belt or some Irish whiskey, Fireball is an outstanding multipurpose drink. Straight up? Yeah, I can pound it out of a bottle. Mixed with Rumchata or something else? Very tasty. As for the second part, I’m just a terrible person and spent too much time wandering aimlessly around Iowa City meeting interesting people.

What are your favorite swear word(s) to use when a replay official fucks up a call? - Abbas_Cincinnatus

WSR: I’ve always preferred a stoic midwestern “damn it” and then move on with my day when I need to use profanity. The problem with this question is that the replay official was right. I was sitting in a next of Hawks when the call in question occurred, and they were all saying the ball was out. For my safety, I agreed but said that the refs would find a way to hose Minnesota because we’re Minnesota playing in Iowa.

Why was the WCHA the greatest athletic organization in history? - MountainTiger

WSR: Because it had a number of the best programs, a handful of the top players in the country every season, the best arenas, and the best rivalries. It was far superior to the B1GHC in pretty much every single way, and it is greatly missed.

Which gray uniforms last week were the ugliest? - br27

WSR: Ohio State’s. I actually don’t hate Illinois’ grey ghost uniforms. It may be the most impressive thing that their football team has done in years.

Who was responsible for answering last week's Mailbag, and is that person now sacked? - pkloa

WSR: It was me, and apparently not. Once again, I would like to apologize for my negligence.

When Peters fails and is benched in the next three games so that UM starts their fourth QB of the season vs OSU, does that make Jim Harbaugh officially the AMiQBHG? - erkper

WSR: No, he’s just not very good at developing and coaching QBs.

As a Nebraska fan, what should I do on Saturdays (&Blackshirt Friday) instead of watching this mess? Bonus questions: Could I be any less invested in the performance of this team? And how does that compare to Mike Riley’s emotional investment in said Husker squad? - Exiled_in_VT

WSR: I think you should watch Rutgers to get excited about what Jerry Kill does on offense. It’ll be good for your future Saturdays as a Nebraska fan. I wouldn’t waste any time watching Scott Frost or Matt Campbell or anyone with a future as a coach. And as for the emotional investment, just drag yourself to watch. I know it’s tough, I’ve been there before too. 2010 wasn’t a TREMENDOUS time toward the end of the season, but hang in there and you may be rewarded with a surprise. And surprise is just another emotion that Mike Riley doesn’t have, along with the rest. I’m convinced that his only emotions are stunned surprise and maladroit.

Who is the leader for B10 Coach of the Year right now? -br27

WSR: Right now I’d say Chris Ash for two reasons: 1) I had Rutgers winning one game this year, and he’s blasted past that number. 2) Per B1G Ten rules, an Ohio State coach cannot win.

What conference do you not want to see make the playoffs? XII, SEC, PAC, MAC, ACC? - TheDevilYouKnow

WSR: It all depends on who the representative is. For example, I’m pretty sick of Alabama. Nothing personal, but if I wanted to watch boring ass football I’d turn on games on Sunday. So if they’re the choice, I say SEC. But if it’s Georgia, I’ll keep them in. Outside of that specific team (and wisconsin’s boring overrated asses) I’d have no problem with any of the other conferences. I like college football as a spectacle itself, and I couldn’t be happier to have a weekend on the couch to watch games. I’m probably going to watch games from the ACC (Clemson-NC State, VT-Miami), Big XII (Bedlam, ISU-WVU), and PAC (Arizona-USC, Stanford-Wazzu) in addition to the B1G games I’ll check in on.

Who will score more points in this weekend? Rutgers vs Maryland or Justin Jackson vs Maryland-Eastern Shore - YinzerTerp

WSR: Come on, really? If Jackson comes out, hits a couple early shots and then dies on the court he’ll still finish with more points than Rutgers.

How can you, personally, expect to win our trust back after failing in your implicit social contract to provide us the answers to our random mailbag questions that you promised? Why should we open our hearts back up to the possibility of more pain? Would that make us more like Indiana football fans? Or Illinois fans? Or possibly Minnesota fans? - waw

WSR: All I can do is come in every week and do my best job asking for and then answering questions. In time with consistent enough effort the trust may be rebuilt, but there can’t be any more hiccups. And as for opening your heart to more pain, just don’t do it. You really could become a Minnesota sports fan. And have you seen how the Vikings are doing without a QB, or the start the Wolves have had, or what the Wild did to Montreal last night? Things are looking good, and I already know how all of them will end: heartbreak.

Watching the Playoff top 25 Since the Badgers are at 9, if they run table, are they in playoffs? - AZBadger03

WSR: No. If you’re asking me personally, I have the badgers behind a number of 1-loss teams behind them including Oklahoma State and Washington in addition to Miami. If you’re asking about the committee, I highly doubt it. When they were talking about the poll, they said they were having a tough time ranking teams 3-7. That means there’s a gulf between the teams currently under consideration and the badgers. As there should be.

Where on the Outrage Meter do you place Fuck Notre Dame being #3 in 1st Playoff Rankings? - B16Badger

WSR: Doesn’t even register. They belong there, and the body of evidence will look better with the remainder of their schedule if they can keep going.

Iowa and wisconsin: Which is worse, and why is it wisconsin? - StewartRL

WSR: wisconsin. Because wisconsin fans and residents.

What's the point of this web site? - JayMPSU

WSR: To crush your enemies. See them driven before you. And to hear the lamentations of their women.

Where are my keys? - Hollywood Hawk Hogan

WSR - I’m not sure. I’ll look to see if they’re in my car. Or did you leave them in the Tardis again?

It's the 25th anniversary of the X-Men cartoon. What is the cartoon you remember most fondly and may find yourself watching to this day? -BoilerTide

WSR: There are a number of cartoons from the good old days that I’ve been watching with the SpeedReceiverlings. Animaniacs has always been a hit for everyone involved, and Batman TAS has led to a number of nights of them fighting over who gets to be Catwoman and who gets to be Poison Ivy. I haven’t found X-Men yet, but I could go for a re-watching here soon. And I regularly watch much older cartoons, such as Rocky & Bullwinkle, Bugs Bunny, and Tom & Jerry because they’re just amazing in their own way.

You are an up and coming hot coach and have two job offers for the same amount of money, benefits, etc. Said offers are either Nebraska or one of the SEC teams that will be accepting applications this fall. Which one is the better gig? - KetteringLex

WSR: SEC. I feel like I’ve said this a few times lately, but Nebraska is 1970 Minnesota, just without the Vikings to harm the program. It’s not a good place to be for a college football fan.

How many rocks does it take to sink Minnesota's rowboat? - EPIC IOWA

WSR: Ain’t happening buddy. You better enjoy that one-score win, because once Peejus has his triggerman we’re going to be hearing about a ton more meltdowns from Brian Ferentz. I should send him a pacifier now.

With a little over half of the B1G season done Who has been the best QB so far? RB? WR? - Terp Derp

WSR: I’ll say Barrett ahead of McSorley, Dobbins, and Moore ahead of Cobbs.

Coordinators and Head Coaches Who do you believe could unload the most blue reaction to a call? (BF edition) The least is easy, Nice Guy Mike Riley. - ChiHawki

WSR: All right, for coaches it’s Harbaugh. It’s not even close. And for coordinators, outside of Brian Ferentz being a given because he’s proven to be a child, I’ll say Jerry Kill and Nick Holt.

What are we supposed to pretend to want when the Rose Bowl isn’t where the conference champion might end up? - M1EK

WSR: Pride. Nothing else matters but the Rose Bowl.

What’s the most sarcastic and/or disdain your coach as shown towards reporters? - chitownhawkeye

WSR: Every week P.J. has some smartass comment for Twin Cities sports media monolith Sid Hartman, and it’s always outstanding. There have been a few times where it’s just short of showing contempt for the old man, poking fun at whether or not he can hear the question or if he’s awake. It’s been the best.

Do you prefer scented bleach or original? - Boilerman31

WSR: Lemon scented for me. You can make an outstanding French 75 with it.

can we ask questions about shootyhoops yet? asking for the state of Indiana - glassjawsh

WSR: No.