LAST WEEK’S MAILBAG! TODAY!

If relegation were a thing would Illinois go to the MAC, or the fcs? - 2ndcomingofChryst

WSR: Why stop there? Watching Illinois’ trajectory since they fell into a Rose Bowl makes me think that if there was relegation, we’re only a handful of years away from Illinois doing their best to try to win either the WIAC or MIAC. And failing.

Creighton: Unfortunately you can only get promoted/relegated one level at a time, so we’d have to wait until 2019 to see the Illini playing in FCS

Jesse: I look forward to 2022 NAIA Division II Champions Illinois Fighting Illini.

Recommendations for a good bleach cocktail? Or should I just find a nice aged bleach to enjoy neat? -PU_ACL_Donor

BRT: You know, the great thing about bleach these days is that it comes in so many scents (flavors) that half the work is already done for you! Feeling floral? Cotton Blossom has your back. Fruity? Citrus Dream is here for you. The bleach world is your oyster.

MNW: I was going to say that if you’re new to this, you might want to start by trying bleach on the rocks instead of neat to cut it a little bit, but you’re a Purdue fan. I’m surprised you’re not drinking it straight out of the bottle.

WSR: The Gimlet: Four parts hemlock (substituted for gin), one part lime bleach. Shake, pour over the rocks, and garnish with a lime wedge.

By the way, is this the part where I get to say that I told you so? I mean, come on. You guys actually believed? It’s not The Year. It’s never The Year.

Creighton: Purdue lost to rutger and as a result you should probably be consuming your bleach in the most shameful manner possible, so let us know when you figure out how to vape bleach

Who is your 2/3(ish) B1G Coach of the Year? - pkloa

WSR: Chris Ash. Rutger(s) has infinitely more B1G wins than I expected them to get.

MNW: It says a lot about the current Big Ten season that I actually nodded and thought “y’know, if he gets to three wins I could actually see it…” Christ. Do better, rest of the conference.

It’ll wind up being Mork D’Antoni in a wonderfully tone-deaf celebration of bringing MSU back from the brink of death or whatever to go 8-4. Unless Urban finally gets it.

Creighton: Lincoln Riley. Just kidding, we know they’ll find a way to still give it to Harbaugh.

Who makes the playoff? 12-1 Wisconsin, 12-1 Sparty, or 11-1 Notre Dame? - mh19

BRT: lol, Notre Dame. You guys know how this works.

WSR: Yeah, Notre Dame. And not just because they’re Notre Dame but because they also have a pretty good looking schedule here towards the end. And that one loss against Georgia? That looks pretty good too. The next team in the stack for me would be Sparty, then all the undefeated Group of 5 teams, then any of the other 1-loss Power 5 teams, then the 1-loss Group of 5 teams, then a chunk of 2-loss Power 5 teams, then 12-1 wisconsin.

Creighton: Notre Dame. Next question.

What is your least favorite way to lose a game? What is your favorite way for someone else to lose? - vaudvillain

BRT: I think the worst way is to have one second added back on the clock in the CCG because you happen to have already announced you’re leaving the conference and you’re playing on the home field-ish of the team who ruined your previous conference and then you lose in that one second that wouldn’t have been added for any other team in the world.

My favorite way for someone else to lose is through something just completely nuts--the end of the MSU-Michigan game a couple of years ago (you know the one) remains one of my all-time favorites. It was so improbable and delightfully absurd and absolutely crushing to Michigan, which is never a bad thing. I would enjoy seeing this happen to any of your teams, and never to mine. A close second would be with a Hail Mary--those are always thrilling (right MNW?)

MNW: /scrolls back up to check bleach recipes

Yeah, I actually came here to say THAT EXACT MOTHERFUCKING PLAY. Fuck. FUCK.

Creighton: My least favorite way to lose is the Ferentz Special: When you quickly build a 2 score lead over an inferior opponent before taking your foot off the gas for the rest of the game assuming your defense will be able to hold for the remaining 3 quarters, only to surrender the lead with 5 minutes left in the game. My favorite way for other teams to lose is when they give up a big comeback. Nothing is more hilarious than watching the horror on fans’ faces as go from actually believing they were going to win to deleting twitter from their phone so they don’t have to see their team trending

Candystripes: My least favorite way to lose a game is on the last play when trying to pull a big upset over a highly ranked team from the same division. My favorite way for someone else to lose is [LITERALLY ANY TIME BRET BIELEMA’S TEAM LOSES].

How many wins does each team need to win to be considered successful on the year? - Hachigi2

BRT: Each team? Damn guy.

OSU: All of them. Oops, too late.

PSU: All of them plus three, because we’re a bunch of haterzzzz.

Michigan: Really, just the one.

MSU: Considering they won three games last year, I think they’re already there.

Indiana: If they can finally defeat The Hump and beat Wisconsin, I think that would work. Otherwise, they’ll probably be fine being bowl eligible again.

Maryland: They usually seem happy with whatever they get.

Rutgers: I think they’re there.

Wisconsin: 10+

Iowa: Three: ISU, Nebraska, and Minny. This keeps Kirk in lake houses.

Northwestern: Bowl-eligibility

Minnesota: I’m not sure of the exact number, but I think they’re under it given the amount of hype that came in with the Fleck Tide. However, there are still some opportunities for big wins on the schedule that could redeem the season.

Nebraska: Well, history suggests to me that the magic number is greater than nine.

Purdue: Another win or two would be great, but I think Boiler fans have to be happy with the progress already shown this year.

Illinois: Hahahahhahahahaha

Creighton: I’m too tired to go through all 14 teams, so I’ll just point out how hilarious it is that rutger fans think the Scarlet Knights are the new ‘Bama after beating the two other worst teams in the conference

Who is the second best team in the B10-East? - hoeger

BRT: I have it on excellent and very shrill and insistent authority after last week that it is, in fact, Rutgers.

WSR: Penn State

Creighton: WSR already nailed this one.

Bone-In wings or Boneless? Since the answer to that one is obviously Bone-In, which is better, the drumstick type, or the 2-Bone type? What’s the best Wings place from your school’s campus/city? - PSUinBOSSton

Creighton: The flats with 2 bones for sure. Nothing beats maple hot wings from The Vine.

WSR: I’m lazy. I like the nuggets, since I can inhale them and beer without worrying about choking on a bone.

Is Harbaugh Over-Rated? - 87Townie

BRT: Maybe. Although I don’t know that the fact that he hasn’t led Michigan to the playoffs year after year automatically means he’s garbage, which is how these debates tend to go. I think he’s still probably a good coach. Maybe not as good as Meyer, but still a good coach.

WSR: Look, there’s nothing wrong with being unable to beat your rivals. He’s not that old, so there’s still a chance he could go on a run and win a few B1G titles and maybe even have a chance at a national title. So no, I do not think that this 2017 Michigan version of 1990’s John Cooper is overrated.

Creighton: I said from the beginning that he would always be second fiddle to Ohio State, so no I think I’ve properly rated him.

Which yet-to-be played B1G West trophy game will demonstrate the greatest amount of mutual incompetence? - Hollywood Hawk Hogan

BRT: This is a Good Question. Personally, I’m inclined to vote for the $5 Bits of Broken Chair Trophy. The passing in that game alone… well, incompetence will be a good word. The Hat and Floyd both have potential though.

MNW: No no no, all this Nebraska carping aside, you’ve still got (1) PURDUE CANNON and (2) HAT to be played. Any game Illinois is playing in automatically fires them up the rankings to the top of the list. And God, are they just gonna drag Northwestern down to their level. This game is gonna suck.

Creighton: I really want to say Floyd, but we still have the Old Oaken Bucket and the Purdue Cannon to play for. Also I think we have a really good chance at the Little Brown Jug ending regulation with the scoreboard reading M00M.