Conveniently, DJ is on another continent the weekend that Rutgers defeats Maryland. I am authoring this feature in his stead. It was quite the weekend in the B1G, with Ohio State going down with a whimper, and the Michigan State weather gods roused to take a little piece of Penn State’s soul.
The early games were less than scintillating. But as I noted in the game thread, at one point during the late afternoon window we had three tie games...and another game where Rutgers had a ten point lead! Things were jumping at about 3:55 GTZ. It was an afternoon that will not be soon forgotten, particularly for the denizens of Iowa City. There had to be a crash at the end of that high, and the Jug game served its purpose as an all-around bummer.
Onward to the stock report.
Iowa Hawkeyes - Congrats Hawks, that is one for the ages. It started out as a high scoring game, and I thought there was no way that you could outscore the Buckeyes. I was wrong! Good job, good effort. Next up: Wisconsin.
Rutgers Scarlet Knights - You beat Maryland, ladies and gents. I understand that you have caught a little grief from your friends in the Delaware Triangle, and good on you for making them eat their words. Enjoy it while it lasts. Next up: Penn State.
Michigan State Spartans - Zeus is the god of clouds, rain, thunder and lightning. Appropriately, a team named the Spartans is in good with him and they are therefore decorated with a win. I was unable to find this telecast during our feast of football, but let it be said that when the going gets weird, the Spartans find a way. Will there be another tempest this week? Next up: Ohio State.
Northwestern Wildcats - You have now won three consecutive games, all in overtime. That has never happened before. The resilience and toughness does you credit. I would say stock up, but you had to take Nebraska to overtime. You are walking the razor’s edge but have managed to avoid all but nicks and cuts. Next up: Purdue.
Michigan Wolverines - Guys, you just beat Minnesota at home. The game was less than inspired, it was dreadful to watch. Credit for avoiding defeat, but not enough style points to boost your stock price. Next up: Maryland.
Wisconsin Badgers - You did what you had to do. You beat Indiana on the road while dealing with a bunch of injuries. Your line and depth really paid off late in the game. You are who we thought you were. Consider it a compliment that a 45-17 road win does not change our impressions of you. Next up: Iowa.
Nebraska Cornhuskers - Last week you beat Purdue in the waning seconds. This week you lost to Northwestern in overtime. You have no rushing offense or defense. Tackling is an inconvenience for you. Nothing has changed since last week. Next up: Minnesota.
Indiana Hoosiers - Different verse, same as the first. You entered the week winless in conference play, and you exit the week winless in conference play. You hung with Wisconsin for a while, but you do not have enough horses to finish the deal. You are better than your record reflects, but that must be cold comfort. This week should cure what ails you. Next up: Illinois.
Purdue Boilermakers - You beat Illinois. Again, consider it respectful that I do not consider this a big enough deal to up your stock price. You SHOULD beat this Illinois team. Next up: Northwestern.
Minnesota Golden Gophers - Very few people expected you to win at Michigan. You didn’t win at Michigan. Your game next week will start on the eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month. It shall be a derpfest to end all derpfests. Never again. Up next: Nebraska.
Illinois Fighting Illini - No change. You are still horrid. Up next: Indiana.
Ohio State Buckeyes - From a CFP contender to a thirty-one point loss to Iowa - that is a precipitous fall. J.T. Barrett threw four interceptions. Nick Bosa was ejected for targeting. Your defense filled with future pros got shredded. Worse, we all had to listen to Hawkeye fans crow. Somebody has to pay for that. There is a chance at redemption this weekend. Up next: Michigan State.
Penn State Nittany Lions - Someone in your Religion department failed to appease Zeus, god of quagmire. There is no great shame in losing to Michigan State. But you were a top ten team...now, you are not. Next up: Rutgers.
Maryland Terrapins - You failed to prepare. You lost to Rutgers. Next up: Michigan.
DJ will be in this scheduled spot next week. In the meantime, feel free to laud my grace, charm, and judgment in the comments.