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Big Ten Tourney Pick’em Results

We have a Winner!

NCAA Basketball: Big Ten Conference Tournament Final-Michigan vs Wisconsin Geoff Burke-USA TODAY Sports

Congrats to our big boss man, co-founder of these here blog lands, and unabashed homer, Graham Filler. He was one of two people to correctly pick the Michigan Wolverines as the Big Ten Tournament Champs (shout out to cadmus2166, as the other).

Graham, do you have anything to say about this dominating performance?

I picked Michigan to win it all. I felt they were peaking at the right time and I knew none of you blokes would have the cajones to ride the Wolverine wave. So I did it. I'm not even a super homer, but what did this littler exercise teach us? FOLLOW YOUR HEART (sponsored by Yahoo!). Thank you. Now I've got a little 14 year Glenfiddy in bourbon barrels parked next to an Espolon Blanco tequila, both which require my celebratory attention.

Special shout out to bucksfan92, who finished DFL, picking a whole two games correctly.

Here are the full results:

The scoring was pretty standard, 1 point for Wednesday games, 2 for Thursday, 4 for Friday, etc.

Some Pick’em facts:

  • Purdue (40%) and Maryland (25%) led all teams as picks to win the tourney, just proving that our readership think Painter and Turgeon can do well in tournaments despite all evidence to the contrary. (I will not deride the readers, I will not deride the readers...)
  • rutger over OSU was the biggest upset according to our readership (84.7% to 15.3%), but all this proves is that 15.3% of people are delusional rutger homers.
  • Michigan over Illinois was the most consensus game, though. 87.5% picked Michigan, and Thump as it seems that most people have digested what Thump has had to write.

Favorite Essay Responses:

  • “Fuck wisconsin” (or some variation, thereof). - 15 entries. Congrats to those!
  • Some well thought out responses:

Saying Wisconsin is terrible is actually the nicest thing that can be said about them. WI plays as if they are afraid of demonstrating anything athletic. Jumping and running are to be avoided at all costs. Rebounding is something WI does when the ball just happens to fall into their hands. The reason WI passes the ball is to avoid responsibility for doing something useful with it. WI doesn't run plays rather they play "hot potato" with the ball for 30 seconds then whoever has it last has to throw it up to see if it will go in the basket.

Wisconsin looks like they wanted to play another sport but got stuck playing basketball. WI plays without interest and/or care. WI should just shut down the basketball program and focus on a curling team.

- Beans77


Wisconsin is a strange state. Their people wear cheese wedges on their heads, pride themselves on how much they drink, and refer to drinking fountains as "bubblers." They think people named Jazz can catch, even though it is clear that someone named "Jazz" is a musician, and not an athlete. It is conceivable that someone named Jazz could catch a beat, but certainly not a football. They also choose the strangest times to try to prove that they can pass the football, when it would be easier to simply hand it to the guy who already has 230 rushing yards on the day -- especially since, as established previously, catching footballs is not a strength of Badgers. I mean, badgers do not even have thumbs, so catching footballs is clearly challenging for them. Running, on the other hand, is easy. They are not the fastest creatures around, but they have a very low center of gravity, and are therefore difficult to tackle. There is also something called Milwaukee's Best, and if that is truly the best that Milwaukee has to offer, I weep for that city. No matter how many tears I may shed, however, I must concede that it is ridiculously fun to say "Milly-wah-kay." "Bubbler," on the other hand, is just foolish. Not quite so foolish as "hotdish," perhaps, but foolish nonetheless. Speaking of "hotdish," in the course of writing this essay, I have decided to go full Homersota, and am revising my picks accordingly.

- vaudvillain

  • A self loathing haiku:

slumping down the stretch

got infected by rutgers

and now we are doomed

- vlad3217

  • A story any opposing fan that has visited Camp Randall can relate to:

Once, when I was a kid, my dad brought me to Camp Randall to watch the beloved Gophers play the shady badger. It was a cold day. The frat boy douche bags sprayed my dad and me with a garden hose. The water froze on our clothes over the course of the afternoon. My dad got pneumonia and had to go to the hospital. He's fine. But I still hate them.

- Chili Heating Gopher

  • But far and away, my very favorite:

The terrible thing about ‘sconnie

is ‘sconnie’s a terrible thing

Their fans embrace asshole behavior

their style embraces boring

They’re whiney, pouty, stally, floppy

Dum, dum, dum, dum, dum

But the most terrible thing about ‘sconnie

is just that there is one

- chitownhawkeye

Congrats to all, but mostly just Graham and chitownhawkeye. Fuck wisconsin.