Give us your Indiana football record predictions!

I presented at a conference a while back where the panel I was on clearly was the “reject” panel: topics ranging from Rudy Perpich to punk rock in 1970s Cleveland to...pecans.

Yes, a woman from Indiana stood and delivered a sincere 20-minute discussion of how the pecan is a uniquely Midwestern—not Southern—nut because...well, I don’t know. I tuned out. She was reading recipes and bad at technology and I was bored.

As I went through foods from Indiana to offer up for this Thursday’s potluck, I ranged from pecans to pork tenderloins...but nothing was really doing it for me. I wanted something bigger, greasier, even more filling.

Then I stumbled upon the sauerkraut ball, a little bit of German/Southern US comfort food fried up across downstate Indiana:

How I have never had that, I will never know, but I would like that in and around my mouth posthaste.

Writers, we’ve talked everything from Tom Allen as head coach to the offensive and defensive sides of the ball this year, but let’s get down to brass tacks: How will the Hoosiers fare in 2017? Will they go bowling? Give us the most likely upset win and loss for the Hoosiers in 2017.

Oh, and since we’ve gotta talk food, too, what’s one food you would improve on by balling up and frying?

Townie: I live in North Florida, we fry everything here. Pickles, okra, oysters, green beans, you name it. And it’s damn good too.

I think Indiana could make a bowl game, by the skin of their teeth. Let’s do a quick breakdown of the schedule.

The way I see it, they could be 3-2 at the bye week, with losses to Ohio State and Penn State. That means they have to win all their OOC games. Nobody on their looks too intimidating - UVA, FIU, and Georgia Southern are all winnable games.

To make a bowl, they need to win three of the next seven against: Michigan, Sparty, Maryland, Wisconsin, Illinois, Rutgers, and Purdue. That’s possible. They’d have to end the season with three wins. Maryland is a toss-up. The other three are probably losses.

That would give the Hoosiers a 6-6 record and make them eligible for a bowl game.

Creighton M: I don’t think Indiana is going to look radically different than they were under Kevin Wilson, but man the last two years hasn’t it felt that the Hoosiers were like, right there? Like, almost in the above-average part of the conference? If they had been able to finish off Utah in their bowl game last year, we’d be talking about them as a team on the rise instead of our scrappy east division wild card.

I guess what I’m saying is I fully expect Tom Allen to keep Indiana’s program consistent next year, and that fans in Bloomington can reasonably hope for a bowl game. Big picture? Maybe they keep the slow, semi-upward trajectory Wilson left them on? Maybe.

Most likely upset win: I guess I’d have to go with Michigan State again.

Most likely embarrassing loss: At the risk of giving false hopes to Thump, I’ll go ahead and say Illinois.

Bonus: As a resident of Charlottesville, there’s a 50/50 chance I’ll go see Indiana play against Virginia out of pure curiosity. I’ll send you guys a picture of me in Hoosier gear if I do. Eat it, Wahoos.

As for deep fried balls of food, I really feel like you could make a ball out of a Cuban sandwich and fry it and it would be the most delicious thing ever. Imagine it: balls of roast pork, ham, Swiss cheese and pickles breaded and deep fried. Coarse deli mustard based dipping sauce? I don’t know, we can figure out those details later. Those with adventurous palates could get Cubano balls Tampa style (with salami).

Oh man. I might literally die if I don’t get some Cubano balls soon.

Candystripes: Yeah, I kinda feel like we’re in line for another 6-6 year, plus or minus one game for margin of error. I’d need to see some serious improvement to think we’d be a lot better than that, and I fear that a couple of bad losses/injuries might be enough to derail hopes if it comes to that. Much as I utterly hate it, the #TeamChaos tag has stuck for a reason.

MNW: Give me 5-7 and just missing a bowl.

I'll also take Purdue as the upset loss. If Jeff Brohm gets the Purdue offense churning, we could have some fiiiireworks.

For the upset win I really want to say Penn State, but I'll go safe and say Michigan State. Unless Richard Lagow can stay upright and really get the offense humming, Indiana may have to scrap out a low-scoring win to nab that upset.

LPW: 6-6. They lose to OSU, PSU, Michigan, Wisconsin, Michigan State and Maryland

WSR: I’m just worried that with a new coach they might not be as chaosy and fun. Nice schedule, though. I think 8-4 is optimistic, 6-6 is reasonable because they’re Indiana and one of those games they should win will turn into a wacky shootout loss. Shine on, you crazy Diamonts.