We interrupt Nebraska Week to bring you a serious bit of journalism with potentially wide-ranging consequences for Minnesota Golden Gophers football and recruiting.
This morning in the OTE Slack channel (every bit as wonderfully terrible as you probably think it is), WhiteSpeedReceiver called this image to our attention:
Now, terrible taste in soccer fandom aside, this picture raises important questions for the future of Minnesota football. To address them, we need to tease out the history of this elite set of follicles.
Here is PJ Fleck with a full mane of expertly-coiffed hair:
Look at the vitality. The energy. This is a man clearly in the #elite prime of his life, on his second wife and 10,000th Red Bull, ready to inspire and mold the minds of young men and take Gopher Nation to Pasadena. Just take it in:
Would you trust Jay Bilas rowing the boat? No. No you would not.
Absent hair, this would look like Scott Van Pelt at an AC/DC concert. Is that who can bring 4-stars to Minneapolis?
I think we all can agree: without his stylish, modern coiffure, recruits and fans alike would not buy what this man is selling. While it might finally endear him to Dan Barreiro, no way Joe Four-Star is ditching Mike Gundy's mullet-powered fun'n'gun or Kliff Kingsbury's Gosling-Do 75-63 Shootout Jamboree for some no-hair who tells him to get hashtag HYPRR. Recruits demand (hair)style as well as substance. The promise to GROW HIGHER should not stop at tasteful windbreakers but continue all the way to the head honcho's hairstyle.
The answer for Minnesota is clear: When renegotiating PJ Fleck's contract, write in a clause imposing severe financial impunities if Fleck goes bald, voluntarily or otherwise. After all, would you trust a man who looked like Mike Riley and talked like Tim Brewster leading your program?
Act now, [insert name of Minnesota AD who is not named Norwood Teague here], before you crater the Gopher football program with your inaction toward potential Fleck follicular failings.
Would you trust bald PJ Fleck with your program?
This poll is closed
#HYPRR knows no hairdos, friend-o.