So Wisconsin Week Wednesday is kind of a wild card. I had the first two days lined up perfectly, now as a crippling hangover sets in (rumple bombs? RUMPLE BOMBS!) I give you is admittedly not my best work. Graham can dock my pay accordingly, because this article is going to be a Wisconsin trainwreck. I give you the top ten Wisconsin football traditions. These are in no specific order, mainly because I saved the best for last. Cheers!
1- Jump Around
A tradition started in 1998, Jump Around first played in a game against Purdue back when Purdue had Drew Brees and was actually a Division 1 football program. It has become so popular that Camp Randall has been renovated with the fact 81,000 people will be jumping up and down at the same time. It’s slightly less popular with opposing teams that recognize Camp Randall Stadium as the House of Pain.
2- 5th Quarter
So back in the day before Wisconsin football was owning the Big Ten Wisconsin Division to the tune of a 38-8 record against teams in the division the last ten years, I’m told Wisconsin wasn’t good at football. Not that I would know, Wisconsin’s last losing season occurred when I was 9 and the last one before that I had only recently discovered the merits of walking. There was a time though, and in that time (the late 70s, as it were), the marching band was more entertaining than the football team. So naturally the marching band started to play full 45 minute shows after the football team lost. The 5th quarter was born. The only difference between now and then is the football team doesn’t lose before the 5th quarter. For bonus fun the SB Nation Wisconsin blog is named after said tradition.
3- Bucky Doing Push Ups After Wisconsin Scores
Woe to the poor soul that gets to be Bucky Badger during FCS/Nebraska games. Not only is it usually 95 degrees out, but you also end up doing 408 push ups on the way to Wisconsin scoring 70 points. Kicking field goals when you’ve already scored 50 points is just cruel to the spirited student who now has to do 59 push ups because the kicker needs practice. If anyone is wondering why Bucky was more ripped that Sparty in 2011, the answer is Russell Wilson.
4- Getting Drunk On Porches At 9 AM
Not reserved to just football Saturdays, it always has a special kind of feeling when the Badgers play later in the day. Being drunk before the game even starts is the best way to start celebrating a win or drowning your sorrows early. Generally speaking it’s usually the former, but occasionally the latter (damn you Ohio State). Be it 3 story beer bongs or shotgunning, Natty Light tastes way better in the morning before a Badger game. The only downside of this tradition is that it leads straight into the next tradition...
5- The Student Section Never Being On Time
I’ve personally been guilty of this, even when the only reason I’m in Madison is to go to the Badger game. Sometimes you just lose track of time and next thing you know it’s 10:55 and you’re a 10 minute walk from the stadium and you’ve got a beer pong game to finish. This “tradition” would probably be virtually eliminated if the University would just sell alcohol at games, but that’s an entire article all on its own.
6- The Section P and O Chants
While on the subject of things that annoy older Badger fans, one of the best ways is to bring up the “eat shit, fuck you” chant. Personally, this one doesn’t make a lot of sense to me anymore at the ripe old age of 25. I mean I have no problem with vulgarity, but it just lacks creativity. Then again when you’re 18-19 most the things you do lack creativity.
7- On Wisconsin
Best fight song. Don’t tweet at me, snap me, Facebook me, or do any kind of social media in my direction. This isn’t a debate. Minnesota Rouser is straight trash. Ski U Mah makes no sense. Also not a debate.
(Will maybe hear “Go U Northwestern” disagreement. High school fight song and all)
8- Always Running For a Comical Amount of Yards On Nebraska
It’s the 2012 Big Ten Championship Game, and a 7-5 Wisconsin team has backed into winning the division because Penn State and Ohio State were naughty. Nebraska comes in ranked #14 and heavy favorites. Wisconsin promptly scores 70 points with a quarterback with one knee. Not to be out done, 2014 Nebraska gave up the single game rushing record to Melvin Gordon. In three quarters. /Wisconsin scored again
9- Destroying Maryland and Rutgers
A newer tradition, I enjoy that the Badgers treat Maryland and Rutgers games like the non conference games they should be by blowing out a lesser team. With the exception of the 2015 Maryland game, neither team has come within 5 touchdowns of Wisconsin. Even with the 2015 game, Wisconsin has outscored the two teams 168-41 since the two school were unfortunately admitted into the conference. Rutgers has yet to scored an offensive touchdown against Wisconsin. You know who else struggles to score against Wisconsin? MAC teams. Take a hint Rutgers.
10- Never Losing to Minnesota
This one explains itself. 2003. George W. Bush hadn’t even been President 2 years yet. The Apprentice didn’t even exist. That’s the last time Wisconsin lost to Minnesota. Why the team bothers bringing the Axe to Minnesota I don’t know. Probably just to prove it hasn’t been lost. Minnesota held an 18 game lead in 1994. This year Wisconsin can (and probably will, Minnesota’s got “sneaking into a bowl at 5-7 again” written all over them) take the lead in the all time series.