I. Case History/Opening Statement

A. Case History

The 2016 Gophers went 9-4 (5-4 B1G) and won the Holiday Bowl over Washington State. They could have won more games, and they could have lost more too. That being said, nothing else interesting happened. At all. Let’s move along.

B. Opening Statement

Look for the everything to be bigger in the 2nd full season of the Tracy Claeys era: Bigger wins, bigger losses, bigger concussions against Iowa, and bigger trains. We’re going to be the biggliest B1G team ever under our biggest coa...wait, what’s this?

Ladies and gentlemen, I’ve been informed that Tracy Claeys has been fired and replaced with PJ Fleck. I’m completely unprepared for this. Why didn’t anyone say something about Fleck being at Minnesota? This seems like it could be a big deal. Why hasn’t ESPN done or said anything about it? I’m confounded.

II. Discovery

A. What we’ve written about Minnesota in the offseason.

Claeys Fired

Fleck Hired

Cocktail Party

Potluck: Less Football, More Hotdish

Talking about PJ’s Schtick

Potluck 2

A Minnesota Tradition

Potluck 3

Nate’s Postmortem

Potluck 4

Speth’s spewings

B. What we can learn about Minnesota from pop culture.

Nothing. Prince is dead, so we don’t have pop culture anymore. If I were to find some way to relate Prince to PJ Fleck, I’d need to find a song about the things that are important to Fleck’s style of play. One of the most important things for him is ball control. Was there any Prince songs about Control?

III. Closing Statement

Hang on one second while I get into the proper frame of mind to do this.

**chugs 17 Red Bulls**

ALL RIGHT LET ME TELL YOU THAT THE GOLDEN GOPHERS UNDER PJ FLECK ARE GONNA BE ELITE. I’M NOT JUST TALKING ABOUT ON THE FOOTBALL FIELD BUT IN ALL ASPECTS OF LIFE: ACADEMICALLY, SOCIALLY, AND SPIRITUALLY. WE’RE GONNA BUILD THESE FINE YOUNG MEN UP AND TEACH THEM WHAT IT TAKES TO BE ELITE, AND IT MAY NOT BE SOMETHING THAT CAN BE DONE OVERNIGHT. IT TAKES TIME TO BUILD TRUST AND GET BUY-IN INTO OUR CULTURE, BUT THOSE THAT DO WILL BE REWARDED FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIVES. SO WHILE THERE ARE GOING TO BE SOME LEARNING OPPORTUNITIES THIS YEAR DURING THE TRANSITION, WE’RE GOING TO DO EVERYTHING IN OUR POWER TO GET THEM ROWING IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION.

IV. Schedule of Events

Look at that schedule. As soft as the midsection of an Iowa or Nebraska resident after a lifetime of overinflating themselves with corn syrup. If Fleck gets buy-in from the team and his QB(s) perform as needed, this could be an interesting season.

V. Record Prediction

It would appear that Zuzu has absolutely no time for competing sleeping giants in the B1G.