HI FOOTBALL’S BACK AND WE’RE REALLY EXCITED ABOUT THAT

Even if they’re not Big Ten games, that’s reason for celebration. And because I managed to pawn the fiance off on a “girls’ weekend,” I have the house to myself to enjoy a LOT of bad football (and some soccer and baseball and stuff too). Let me cherish this while it lasts.

Where I be: Twin Cities!

What I be drinking: [/deep breath]

BEER!

• Bank Brewing (Hendricks, MN) Smoke Bomb;
• Flat Earth Brewery (Saint Paul, MN) Cygnus X-1 Porter;
• Swinging Bridge Brewing Co. (River Falls, wi) Cleary’s Dry Irish Stout;
• Excelsior Brewing Co. (Excelsior, MN) Sunburn Cherry Wheat Ale;
• Left Hand Brewing Co. (Longmont, CO) Good Juju Ginger Ale;
• North Loop BrewCo. (Minneapolis, MN) Air Citra Blonde;
• New Belgium Brewing Co. (Fort Collins, CO) Folly 12-pack

COLLEGE FOOTBALL!

10am: College GameDay (ESPN)
11am: Texas Southern @ Florida A&M (ESPNU), if that’s your sort of thing.

Oregon State Beavers at Colorado State Rams (-4)

1:30pm || CBSSN

We’re actually kicking shit off with some potentially watchable football, huh?! Fans of Minnesota may want to tune in for a sneak peek of the Beavers, though the sullen Mormon on the Orange and Black sideline will no doubt be familiar. Tertiary OSU improved against the pass (31st S&P+) in 2016, and they can win if they shut down Rams QB Nick Stevens and control the tempo with bruising 240# RB Ryan Nall.

With Mike Bobo and Co.Co. moving into a new stadium, though, emotions are sure to be high (get it?) in Fort Collins. If this game opens up, I like the Rams. If it bogs down, give me the Beavs. Since sure, I’ll go on the record, we’ll say Oregon State, 31-27.

Portland State Vikings (FCS) at BYU Cougars

2pm || ESPN

Two years ago the Vikings marauded their way inland to Pullman, knocking off Mike Leach and Wazzu, 24-17. That...probably won’t happen this year, as PSU is coming off a 3-8 campaign and BYU is a mildly competent team.

Hawaii Rainbow Warriors at Massachusetts Minutemen (-2.5)

5pm || Eleven or UMassTV maybe?

THIS is the game you stop everything and watch, if you’re committed to sitting on your couch doing nothing all day, like I am. What is Eleven? NO ONE KNOWS! (There’s also a link to possibly watch it on the UMass website...we’ll see if that works.)

Can both these teams do offense? PROBABLY!
Can either of these teams play defense? NOT A LICK!

The Wahine bring an explosive attack led by QB Dru Brown (62.4%, 19:7 TD:INT) and 1000-yard rusher Diocemy Saint Juste. That should be enough to tune in for as it is. The Minutemen are led by QB Andrew Ford (26 TDs), but they’re rebuilding at wideout and at three of the five OL positions. That’s enough for me to give the nod to Hawaii, 45-42.

#19 South Florida Bulls (-21.5) at San Jose State Spartans

6:30pm || CBSSN

We’ve got an AAC preview for Beyond the Empire coming down the pipeline, but in the meantime you’ll want to turn in to see if Charlie Strong and the South Florida Bulls are really deserving of this #19 ranking in the AP Poll.

Excitingly, Bill Connelly is comparing SJSU coach Brent Brennan to PJ Fleck! The comparison doesn’t stop there, as the Spartans have major questions at quarterback! In the meantime, though, while San Jose State has speed and sack potential on the defensive side of the ball, a young secondary should be one of those cartoon steaks for Quinton Flowers and the USF aerial attack. If the Bulls can corral SJSU RB Malik Roberson, Flowers and his deep receiving corps should be just fine. Bulls roll, 45-19.

#14 Stanford Cardinal (-30.5) vs Rice Owls

9pm || ESPN || Allianz Stadium, Sydney, NSW

BODY CLOCKS

BODY CLOCKS

BODY CLOCKS

I can’t be bothered. Stanford, 49-10.

Join us with your picks and thoughts in the comments! What are you drinking and enjoying today? Any EPL on the TV in your household during the morning? No doubt West Ham will have left me distraught by about 10:30, but that serves me right for picking a team based on Dean Thomas’ poster in Gryffindor.

Usual rules and bullshit apply.