Sunday Morning Coming Down // Zero-Day

A Few Big Things:

1. Feels like college football is back, since the fighting Irish got whipped on a Saturday night
2. Speaking of which, remember when Charlie Strong beat Notre Dame a year ago and his future was so bright?
3. Kudos to Rice for showing solidarity with their hometown and throwing a disaster of their own
4. That’s the worst house-warming party Gary Andersen has ever been to, including the one where Barry Alvarez made him bend the knee to his pug Mutt-ee Ball
5. BYU is the Bon Jovi of Saturday afternoons, because their performances remind us that the ‘80s ain’t never coming back
6. Getting Hawaii and UMass matched up for a game is like trying to fold opposite corners of a fitted sheet together. The idea is questionable and the execution is ugly.

The Rundown:

USF at SJSU | USF rolls 42-22 Big win for a team that will fight hard all season to play a 12:00 PM bowl game on a Tuesday, within driving distance of their stadium, in front of a few dozen retirees.

Stanford at Rice (Sydney, Australia) | Stanford obliterates the Owls 62-7 America has exported some amazing cultural affectations to Australia. Peanut Butter. Tina Turner. The Chevy small block V8. This game? Not so much.

Oregon State at Colorado State | CSU trounces Fake OSU 58-27 The announcer claimed that Gary left Wisconsin because “he likes to build a culture.” If he keeps this up, the only thing he’ll be building is a good case of hemorrhoids.

Hawaii at UMass | ‘Bows win 38-35 Hawaii wins on last-minute TD pass. Residents of both states are only vaguely aware that college football occurred, which is good considering UMass ran the worst hail mary in history.