Big Ten Week 4 Bowl Projection Roundup: Abandon Playoff, All Ye Who Enter Here

Let’s get it out of the way: It’s way too early for people to be projecting bowls like it’s any more accurate than phrenology or a wisconsin student life magazine. But people are saying (probably mean) things about your favorite team, and we’re here to aggregate them for you.

Now we’ll see what the “experts” have to say. We’re sampling from ESPN, CBS Sports, and the always-right and extremely good-looking Jason Kirk of glittering Mothership SBNation (Hi! Have we mentioned how much we love you?) leading each team off.

Thoughts:

• Scared off by the narrow escape, or not believing they’ll survive the Big Ten East? No love for Penn State to make the playoff. Instead we’d be left seeing if wisconsin could continue the Big Ten’s scoreless streak in the College Football Playoff. I’d set it at about a 10-15% chance.
• How pointless are these projections? Purdue could still be going to the fucking Outback Bowl after a trucking by Michigan. Pass that good shit down this way, Jerry. Although a Purdue-A&M Outback Bowl would be the definition of “happy to be here” vs. “fuck everything, fire that gum-chewing asshole.” You know, that old chestnut.
• Ohio State now gets to be filler for the NY6 bowls until we can figure out if they’re better than Penn State or not. If the Buckeyes beat the Nittany Lions, do they nose their way toward the Playoff?
• It’s been a while since Michigan made it to the Outback Bowl..but you think THAT’S a cowbell, annoying-ass “Go Blue!” guy? You ain’t seen shit.
• Thoughts that the Wolverines would be sent west for the first time in 3 years appear to have given way to the idea that Iowa will head back to southern California...I’m sure nothing would go wrong down there in a matchup with Stanford.
• Five hours and an average of 50 IQ points north of that Big Ten team, we could see a Nerd Bowl Redux with Northwestern traveling to the “Bay Area” to play either Cal or ‘Furd. We can bring the tarps, Jed York, if you ever get sick of 30,000 empty seats for Niners games.
• A month before 3,000 Minnesota fans make the trip to Madison Square Garden, they have a chance to not pack Yankee Stadium, either! There’s also a 75% chance PJ Fleck tries to recreate Washington crossing the Delaware with a dozen unpaid athletes rowing a boat in freezing temperatures while he plays out another fantasy.
• Does Indiana really break its bowl losing streak if it’s on December 16th in the Cure Bowl? Pray we find out.
• Michigan State could lose to MACtion in the Quick Lane, and Maryland is projected more often to go bowling than Nebraska. Truly these are amazing times we live in.