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Mailbag: Could Wisconsin Score if it Went to the Playoff?

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Plus Maryland Delusion, Nebraska Hate, and Fat Writers

NCAA Football: Utah State at Wisconsin Mark Hoffman-USA TODAY Sports

Is Global warming good for the Midwest? - LL Sota

GF3: In as far as it could be good for anyone, yes. The Midwest has two advantages that no other part of the country can replicate: no low-lying coastline and a massive supply of fresh water. The Great Lakes has a virtually bulletproof pact preventing the export of water to non-adjacent states (the name escapes me). In short, if you’re going to live in America as the climate changes and the sea levels rise, the Midwest is a good place to be,

Townie: I can assure you that you’d rather summer on the coast of Kansas than in Tampa.

Jesse: <ponders what super tornadoes and super blizzards will look like> Let’s call this one a draw…

Andrew: Are you suggesting this conference would engage in a shameless and naked money grab related to geography? Hahaha, preposterous.

/shoves Rutgers into closet

Creighton: No. Us midwesterners get sunburned easily enough as it is, and I’m absolutely sure you don’t want us walking around shirtless.

MNW: GF3 is thinking of the Great Lakes Compact. That’s about all I have to offer to this discussion. It’s bad for the Midwest if only because (1) I love winter, and (2) it could potentially mean more people moving here. Don’t do that. It’s terrible here. We don’t have any good food or beer, our schools are terrible, and there certainly is not ample space for recreation, summer and winter alike.

Are there any statistics on the accuracy of OTE writers regarding food and beer recommendations? - 2ndcomingofChryst

GF3: We ain’t skinny, as a group. BRT alone is 600+ pounds. That seems like a useful metric.

BRT: Darn right. I don’t know much, but I do know food, and you should listen to me and my co-writers.

Townie:

Jesse:

Andrew: As you can see, Graham is too much of a wine and cheese bourgeois elite to run elbows with you common folk like the rest of us, but overall, yes, we are known to have many solutions for the gnawing emptiness that drove us all to blogging in the first place.

Creighton: Statistically I think we’re all at the 80% percentile or higher when it comes to good taste. That’s the Off Tackle Empire Guarantee. Also Speth is here.

MNW: I have no idea what that graph Jesse posted is saying, but I resent it, I’m sure. Also, my beer recommendations are excellent. Also! I’m taking recommendations for breweries to visit for the next couple weeks when I’m in Atlanta. And Durham, but I’ll only be there for a day or so.

Stew: I’m gonna go ahead and concur with Jess’s excellent graph.

How disappointed are Indiana fans to be in dead fucking last for the next few weeks? How long until they fire their coach? - waw

C4B: Mildly, and “Ask me again in 6 weeks”.

GF3: “Pride cometh before a fall.” -Some MSU guy, who got plagiarized by the Bible

Townie: They get a win this weekend and it’ll take some of that sting away.

Jesse: I don’t know. This might be Notre Dame’s year. (loljkjk, we all know it will only hurt when basketball season starts)

Andrew: But we all patted them on the head and told them how good they did, aren't they happy with that?

Creighton: Hoosier fans have been dead inside for years. They’re allowed to get their hopes up once per football season before officially declaring it basketball season. So, as of Thursday night: Happy Basketball season everyone!

Of the new starting QBs in the B1G, who will have the best season? Of the returning starters, who will show the most improvement over last season? -theguyfromy-wega

GF3: This may be one of the tougher questions we’ve had in some time. New guy? Maybe Tanner Lee. Returners? I’d love to say Barrett, but the answer is probably Lagow.

BRT: I would really like it to be Tanner Lee, for reasons which I assume are obvious. As for improved QBs, I don’t know, but I hope it’s nobody in the B1G West, because our D is crap.

Townie: I’m going to give the new guy nod to the kid from Maryland, Kasim Hill. He’s got a good supporting cast and I like what the coaches are doing. That’s the trendy pick after the win against Texas...but I stand by it.

As for returning players improving, I’m going with Lagow. I thought he looked much better against Ohio State than he did at anytime last year. I want to go with Blough here, but he still threw some critical interceptions.

Jesse: I like the idea of Tanner Lee being great, but we’ll see. He could be NFL caliber and still have a mediocre year. He has weapons around him, though, so that’s a plus. It’ll be interesting to see when he needs to carry the team how that works out.

On the returning player side, I hate to say it but Horni… hahaha I can’t even say that with a straight face. I can throw a pass deeper than him (objectively false statement right there, but deal with it).

Andrew: I could squint at it and trick myself into thinking Lewerke is the best newcomer - and I do think he’ll be pretty good - but Lee just looks sharp, man.

I expect good things from Thorson this year, because Alex Olah finally ran out of eligibility and I need to groundlessly overrate someone in purple, so there we go.

Creighton: Everyone else gave basically the same answer, so I’ll mix it up and predict that Wilton Speight will be a huge goddamn disappointment this year.

MNW: /whispers It’s Clayton Thorson

/loudly DEFINITELY TANNER LEE OR WILTON SPEIGHT OR SOMEONE, PAY NO ATTENTION TO A BIG TALL QUARTERBACK IN EVANSTON WHO CAN HUCK IT DEEP BUT ALSO PULL IT DOWN AND RUN, TOO

/remembers Mike Kafka, smiles, sinks back into chair

Stew: I would love to say Nate Stanley, I do believe he’ll be quite good. However, I think Tanner Lee is probably the right choice. Dude looked ready from the jump and didn’t have the first time starting hicups that Stanley did.

As for improved, I was gonna say Blough, but not sure how much he’ll be playing from here on. Still, I don’t want to say anyone else, so sure, Blough.

Is Texas back? - ImFromMarylandAndNobodyCanBeatMe

C4B: lolnope

GF3: Back to the ‘90s…

BRT: NOPE. hahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahhahhhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! Serves them right.

Townie: Ah, Burnt Orange Tears.

Jesse: As a word of caution. Yes, it was too early to be all “TEXAS IS BACK YO” but as someone who understands what talent is sitting here in Austin and the reality that Herman is a good coach, I’d slowplay the Texas is dead argument too.

Creighton: Texas is “back” every year on opening day, and none of us actually watch the games so who are we to dispute it?

Stew: They’ll be back again when they inexplicably win the shootout.

Who is going to be the next B1G powerhouse to get shut out in the college football playoffs? - waw

GF3: Penn State. Oh, wait, you said shut out in the playoffs. Wisconsin.

Townie: Lol...I’m going with Michigan. They’ll get a nod if they are close, whether they deserve it or not.

Jesse: Oh please let it be Nebraska… (but you said ‘powerhouse’... there, I beat your jokes to the punch)

Creighton: Michigan won’t do better than 3rd place in the B1G East under Harbs. Show me Wisconsin!

After sucking for a half and then destroying for a half, does UCLA get an honorary Big Ten membership? - Badgers & Bruins

GF3: Something something AAU….

BRT: I’d consider it. We could use a beach that wasn’t the Jersey Shore.

Townie: Nope, but they certainly have my respect this week.

Creighton: Offense is too flashy. Come back to me when you have a giant farm kid QB capable of overthrowing receivers properly.

In the B1G East (also know[n] as the only B1G division) does Maryland have a chance at the top 3. And who is Maryland most likely to jump in front of? - RedTurtle

GF3: No, I don’t think that’s a reasonable assumption.

BRT: Maryland wouldn’t have a chance at the top three in the B1G West. What? Yes. Shots fired.

Townie:

I don’t see it this year. One decent win against an overrated Texas doesn’t vault Maryland into 10 win territory. But hey, you get to play all three at the top...I guess we’ll see.

Jesse: Is Maryland really patting themselves on the back this much? This reeks of last year’s Texas win over Notre Dame. Yes, feel good about the win. No, don’t make assumptions you cannot back up.

Andrew: So what you're really asking is, is MURRLAND BAK? Which indicates to me that you caught whatever we want to call this perennial entitlement to bakness it is that Texas has, so consider yourselves quarantined, turtle bros.

Creighton: Texas football is a 10 gallon hat filled with 20 gallons of shit right now. Maryland did everyone a solid by embarrassing the Longhorns, but I’m not going to pat them on the back for beating a 5-7 team.

Stew: Go back to the ACC.

Who gets fired first, Tom Herman or Kevin Sumlin? - Bmore_spartan

GF3: Sumlin, but not for another year. Because he’ll do something ridiculous to buy one more season, like knock off Bama.

Townie: That’s a great question. Fans at Texas lost their cool. Threw garbage onto the field with the stands full of high value recruits. On the other hand Sumlin has Regents calling for his firing already…

I’m giving the nod to Herman, because I don’t think UT gets more than seven wins at best this season. The Aggies have something to work with...UT is trasch.

Jesse: Sumlin, but mostly because he’s been there longer and has already lost what goodwill he had.

Creighton: I bet Texas has A&M’s athletic director fire Herman while he fires Sumlin. If they fire each other’s coaches it’s harder to blame the next bad hire on them.

Does the Nebraska student section realize how f@#king stupid that skull and crossbones arem cheer looks when you are using it to urge your team not to allow another score when you have already given up 36 to Arky State? - GTom

GF3: You’re asking for a lot of self awareness and reflection about cheers there, brainiac. This isn’t NU we’re talking about. It’s UN-L. Though to be fair, you can set your watch to the annual resurgence of the Blackshirt hype. It’s right up there with the Great Pumpkin and the clitoris in terms of folk myths.

BRT: 1. It’s a student section at a night game. So no, they’re not thinking a lot about how a grumpy middle-aged fan of another team is perceiving them at a given moment. Sorry Boomer.

2. You seem to be suggesting that they should not be cheering or encouraging their team because they had played poorly so far and the opponent was not a distinguished one, which is a premise I don’t agree with. If your team finds itself in a shootout with another team, whether it’s a good team or not, you’re going to be on your feet stomping, yelling, crossing your arms or whatever. Or maybe you’ll be reading a book because you’re a Northwestern fan, but the rest of us would be cheering, because that’s how sports work.

3. I’m not sure a guy whose home stadium is half-covered in tarps has a lot of room to maneuver on the “looks f@#ing stupid” charge.

Creighton: Remember when Nebraska played @ Northwestern and everyone in the stands was wearing red? Did Northwestern “fans” realize how “f@#ing stupid” that looked?

MNW: That was Good and Funny, Creighton. I honestly chuckled.

I will, however, second Tom’s call for more self-awareness out of students in college football. Before heckling a referee? Mandatory check of their phones to see if that really WAS pass interference. Before taunting a quarterback after he overthrows his 6’10” tight end? Think about what it would be like to sit at a bar next to his distraught mother. Before screaming at Mick McCall to stop running the motherfucking speed option, think about if he has lost any family memb--actually no, just go ahead and scream that last one.

Would you rather have no run game whatsoever or no passing game whatsoever? Asking for a friend. - 87 Rides A Surfboard

GF3: Jeff Monken, now at Army, beat will Muschamp’s Florida defense without completing a single pass (and only attempted 3) as Georgia Southern’s coach.

Townie: We lived off a strong run game for years at Penn State. Not well...but it will depend on your defense.

Jesse: Here in the B1G? Probably no passing game. However, I prefer watching a good passing game to a good rushing game.

Creighton: Hi. Iowa fan here. We’ve had no passing game whatsoever for years now.

MNW: It’s funny, because it makes me think of the 2015 Northwestern offense that should be redacted from my memory for how terrible it was, but somehow stumble-fucked their way to 10-2 behind a very, very good defense. They could not throw the ball. It was a myth. There was no passing offense. So I’m inclined to say no passing offense, because obviously that means I’m gifted a stellar defense in this hypothetical. Yep. Nothing else.

Stew: Jesse’s still got too much Big 12 in him. Run the dang ball.

Do Urine colored jerseys reduce the temptation of the opposition to hold? - MsuNavyGrad

Dead Read: No.

GF3: I have it on good authority from Penn Stater that OSU only blocks by holding, so I think we have the makings of a fantastic scientific experiment on our hands.

Jesse: Um, yes?

Discovering that Purdue does indeed exist is on par with what other historical discovery?

A: the konami code
B: Queso Fundido dipping sauce
C: the Wreck of the Zephyr
D: hepatitis
Glassjawsh

C4B: ^^vv<><>BA (GF3: this is the best mailbag answer ever)

Did the B1G “win” Week One? How did B1G teams’ collective performance compare to the other conferences? My impression is that the performances so far would be ranked:

B1G
SEC
ACC
PAC
Pete Mote
Big “12”
EastLosRandy

GF3: I think it’s a silly thing to keep track of, especially when you compare the disparity of cross-conference opponents. I don’t think the B1G should declare victory quite yet…

Jesse: I mean, this feels like one of those silly questions/answers in a few weeks. I’m with GF3. Let’s just wait for things to play out a little more.

Creighton: This question was boring so I’m going to answer a completely unrelated question and you have to guess what that question was. -Every single time, and twice as loudly if tequila was involved.

MNW: If you sing when “Country Roads” comes on in the bar.

(Also kind of, but it’s really just one step on the road to being considered the best conference in football. Still, fuck your team, though.)

Thanks for your questions. Make sure to get them in to next week’s mailbag request!

Your Friends,

The OTE “Writers”