Hey internet. It’s me.
As you may recall, I had a rather spectacular meltdown during the Illinois season opener, at first directed towards the Fighting Illini and then directed inwardly. You may also recall that I predicted a 3-9 season, and over on The Champaign Room, I even predicted a fairly narrow, frustrating win. Yet somehow, the Illini emphatically failed to meet these low expectations of mine, and as a result I saw no hope left for this coaching regime. They were so thoroughly outclassed the whole game, especially on the offensive line, that the light disappeared from the end of an already long tunnel.
Why, then, direct this meltdown inward? Well, sometimes it feels like it’s my fault, but I think I’ve figured out why. Illinois football is a great avatar for my own regular level of self-loathing. It’s a program that was born with enough advantages to be better than it is right now. If Illinois football improves in one area, it gets worse at two. A shot of momentum or a tangible improvement is no reason to believe it’ll continue to put things together in a competent way because that’s just not what it does. This disappoints everyone foolish enough to believe in it.
Though I should certainly, for instance, plan to different things with my fall Saturdays during hopeless seasons like this, and maybe re-evaluate my relationship with football to see how I can cut out the incredibly unhealthy parts, I have to continue believing that Illinois football can grow into a fully competent entity that’s worth putting one’s faith in and that people actually like. If Illinois can get it together and get better, then it’s possible I can do the same. Thus, I’m going to keep on believing.
Anyway, I bring this up because I spent a lot of this week wanting nothing to do with college football in my mind. But come Wednesday, a few ideas happened that I thought were worth doing. So, here we go. I’m not sure what I’m sorrier for, the mailed-in nature of some of this stuff or making you read what’s apparently over 350 words.
lol, if you’re reading this, i still haven’t edited or straight-up deleted that intro, so cringe away