Another weekend of Big Ten basketball in the books, and it looks like Michigan State is hell-bent on proving me wrong, Purdue is hell-bent on making me look like a fool, and Northwestern is hell-bent on killing me.

Joke’s on you assholes—I have the Minnesota Vikings, who will surely never let me down.

That teaser is even misleading if taken to be about, y’know, Big Ten basketball. I don’t give up on Northwestern, nor do I really ever, but I have resigned myself to watching them get their asses kicked for most of the rest of 2018. They are a bad, bad, bad, bad, bad basketball team that will lose to Iowa by 20 and rutger by 15.

To be honest, I don’t really have much to say about the weekend’s games. They’re all a blur, because God bless Maryland football for giving me Stefon Diggs. We’ll recap the weekend and preview the mid-week games (which are kinda already in progress) anyway.

Recaps

Penn State Nittany Lions 76, Nebraska Cornhuskers 74 (OT)

BigRedTwice: On the positive side, Nebraska overcame a 16-point second half deficit to force overtime, which is gutsy and all of that.

But this was still a disappointing game and loss. The Huskers were rolling along nicely, and this was a game on the schedule that was not only a must-win, but a definite can-win. Nebraska’s first half doomed them, when only Glynn Watson, Jr. was capable of scoring any points and the rebounding game was lacking. The second half saw much better play, and gave the Huskers a chance to win, which they failed to capitalize on.

These are often the most disappointing losses--when the chances are there, and simply aren’t seized. Here’s hoping they can get back on track Monday night at home against Illinois.

Michigan Wolverines 82, Michigan State Spartans 72

This is about the only game I was vaguely tuned in to, and Andrew was ranting and raving in the Slack channel about how TV Ted Valentine totally fucked the Spartans over.

Let’s see what you all had to say!

This is awkward.

#5 Purdue Boilermakers 81, Minnesota Golden Gophers 47

Boilerman31: Purdue decided the life of Minnesota basketball wasn’t enough. They decided to go for Goldy’s soul as well. The fact the line was only 8.5 was laughable. The Boilers dominated this game from start to finish and the law firm of Carsen Edwards and Vince Edwards scored 39.

Indiana Hoosiers 66, Northwestern Wildcats 46

Northwestern shot like, 5% from the field. Scottie Lindsey and Bryant McIntosh do not have it on offense.

That doesn’t matter, though, because

Ohio State Buckeyes 68, rutger Scarlet Knights 46

This is similar to what the Buckeyes will do to Northwestern on Wednesday. Hopefully Steve Pikiell can recruit some offense to the Ol’ Rare’n’Tan soon, because holy shit is rutger still unwatchable.

Previews

Some games are already underway! Some might be just a blip on my radar! That doesn’t matter, because college basketball is pointless and I am all about the NFL for the rest of my life or until the Vikings lost 41-0 in an NFC Championship Game again.

Monday, January 15

Maryland Terrapins at #22 Michigan Wolverines

5:30pm, probably? | FS1

As I write this, Maryland leads 26-14 at Crisler Arena. That’s boring; you’d like to watch Stefon Diggs’ catch with the Titanic music.

Minnesota Golden Gophers at Penn State Nittany Lions

6pm | BTN, maybe?

You know who can really appreciate that catch? Minnesota fans.

It’s also not too shabby for Gophers fans, because the Vikings’ continued relevance means no one’s actually going to waste their time asking the tough questions of the Minnesota Athletics Department.

It’s shitty for, like, people who don’t want to see people accused of multiple sexual assaults admitted to and practicing with their program, but hey, I’m sure there aren’t many of those in the world, right?

I still have no idea what to make of Penn State, by the way. Could that loss to Rider or whoever it was be the thing that, when all’s said and done, keeps them out of the NCAA Tournament? With Tony Carr, Lamar Stevens, and Mike Watkins, this team is one I’ll put up to score with anyone in the Big Ten. I won’t count Pat Chambers’ bunch out until they lose to rutger or something.

Illinois Fighting Illini at Nebraska Cornhuskers

8pm | BTN | UNL -4.5 | O/U 144

St. John’s, at #77 in Kenpom, is Nebraska’s worst loss. I mean, I’m not saying the 3-3 Huskers are going to the Tournament or anything, butttttttt...

Tuesday

wisconsin badgers at #3 Purdue Boilermakers

6pm | ESPN | Purdue by a lot | O/U probably like 133 or something

Name one thing more pleasurable about this Big Ten season so far than seeing wisconsin getting thunderfucked back to mediocrity. You cannot. There is nothing nearly as pleasurable as this. I will be sad about Northwestern basketball, yes, but watching the badgers’ roster of recruits that, oh darn, just haven’t developed into players is pretty damn fun.

Also, this feeling of elation undergirded by the nagging doubt that your luck has papered over a lot of issues your team will not deal with is what packer fans must feel like every fucking year. Now if they could just show me how to suppress the logical side of my brain and bray about championships day in and day out.

Wednesday

Iowa Hawkeyes at rutger Scarlet Knights

6pm | BTN

Can Iowa impose its pace, or can the Scarlet Knights bog this game down and win it on the boards? I neither know nor care what the answer to this question is, because I will either be getting very drunk to celebrate my first day of solo teaching OR driving to Rosemont to watch...

#22 Ohio State Buckeyes at Northwestern Wildcats

8pm | BTN

Do not even care.

It’s gonna suck when we lose to fucking Nick Foles by like, 50.