Phew, dodged a bullet:

Uhhhhhhhh

We’ll all get enough time outdoors “enjoying” primitive camping after Purdue wins the B1G this year and our society and planet melt down in the aftermath, so let’s enjoy faux camping as long as we can.

It looks like we’re well on the way. So get your tents, pitch ‘em within twenty feet of a car, and take a nice, long, hot shower at the campground bathroom before it’s too late.

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I had a decently okay intro going here, but then my Registry Mechanic booted up and closed my browser and then the intro was gone and now it’s late and I can’t bring myself to type it again. Plus I guess the story about the cat with the potato and the roll of toilet paper and that weird neighbor doesn’t need to be told again.

Instead, I’ll say that you should absolutely be watching The Good Place, if you aren’t already. Also, basketball season starts actually really soon somehow, if you’ve given up on football already. And in conclusion, be excellent to each other, and party on dudes!

The Disclaimer

If your team’s favorite player isn’t chosen as a Player of the Week, one of three things happened: (1) It involved a player not involved in Wisconsin’s most recent game; (2) your favorite team’s writer didn’t submit the player for POTW honors; or (3) you favorite team’s player really wasn’t as awesome as you thought.

Sometimes a player will get picked because of the awesome raw stats; sometimes he’ll get picked because of good stats plus situational significance; sometimes he’ll get picked because he did pretty well and plays for Wisconsin; and most of the time he just won’t get picked. Leave your complaints in the comments.

Defensive Player of the Week

Yetur Gross-Matos - DE - Penn State - Big Ten DPOTW

9 tackles, 4 TFL, 2 sacks

Yetur Gross-Matos is the first back-to-back winner of the OTE DPOTW, I think, at least for 2018. I was going to say first back-to-back for any award, but Moore probably won two weeks in a row at some point.

Gross-Matos came up big in a very important game for Penn State, getting pressure in the backfield and taking down Stanley a couple times. My brain is fried this week so I can’t think of anything witty or fun or whatever. Here’s a picture of this week’s winner playing in a different game:

The best defense in the B1G is playing against a B1G QB Defensive Players of Week 9

Carter Coughlin - LB - Minnesota - 6 tackles, 1.5 TFL, 1 sack, 1 forced fumble

Montre Hartage - CB - Northwestern - 5 tackles, 4 passes defended, 1 fumble recovery

Justin Layne - CB - Michigan State - 7 tackles, 4 passes defended

Special Teams Player of the Week

Javon Leake - KR - Maryland - Big Ten STPOTW, OPOTW

97-yard kick return TD

You know the rules: a kick or punt return touchdown automatically puts a special teams player in the OTE #1 slot for this award. If two players are tied, whomstever scored from further away wins, because unlike the chicken Big Ten, we don’t allow “co” winners.

Other good Special Teams Play(er)s of Week 9

Rutgers took the week off, so we’re giving them the week off from the “workhorse punters” award.

J.D. Spielman - PR - Nebraska - 77-yard punt return TD

Joe Schopper - P - Purdue - 4 punts, 47.5 avg, 74(!) long

Offensive Player of the Week

Rocky Lombardi - QB - Michigan State - Big Ten Co-FOTW

26/46 passing, 318 yards, 2 TDs, 0 turnovers - first career start

This was a pretty difficult decision, actually. Javon Leake had a super-efficiently awesome offensive day, but it was against Illinois. Tanner Morgan had even better stats— and overcame the burden of having one of those names where you have two first names and no last name—but his opponent had not just won very convincingly over Ohio State. Finally, Shannon Brooks had a full game’s worth of state, despite having to leave early with injury, but he suffers the same fate as Morgan, Tanner.

Rocky Lombardi has an awesome name and had a great first-ever start, beating the team that had, most recently, beaten Ohio State by a lot. I didn’t watch the game, so I don’t have much to add, but he quarterbacked a big-deal win over Purdue, a team coming off a blowout upset of Ohio State. Purdue beat Ohio State.

The guys mentioned above Offensive Players of Week 9

Tanner Morgan - QB - Minnesota - 17/24 passing, 302 yards, 3 TDs - first ever start - Big Ten Co-FOTW

Javon Leake- RB - Maryland - 5 carries, 140 yards, 28.0 ypc (lol), 3 TDs

Shannon Brooks - RB - Minnesota - 22 carries, 154 yards, TD

Freshman of the Week

Rocky Lombardi - QB - Michigan State - Big Ten Co-FOTW

26/46 passing, 318 yards, 2 TDs, 0 turnovers - first career start

Oh yeah, forgot to mention Rocky Lombardi is a freshman.

Finally! So many good freshman performances Freshmen of Week 9

Tanner Morgan - QB - Minnesota - 17/24 passing, 302 yards, 3 TDs - first ever start - Big Ten Co-FOTW - oh he’s a freshman too, btw

Javon Leake - RB - Maryland - 5 carries, 140 yards, 28.0 ypc (lol), 3 TDs

Stevie Scott - RB - Indiana - 18 carries, 96 yards, 1 TD

Isaiah Bowser - RB - Northwestern - 34 carries, 117 yards, 1 TD

Award Formerly Known As “Honorary Purdue Boner of the Week” Boner of the Week

Purdue. Oh Purdue. At least you didn’t boner your way to defeat as you have in the past.

Dear Hollywood Hawk Hogan: Surprise (boner)!

Actually Really Good Play of the Week

Not the best angle by any means, but it was a really good catch.