The latest movie from J.K. Rowling’s Wizarding World, Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald, is due in theaters soon, and it is the perfect time to do our second Harry Potter themed power poll, Hogwarts teachers* as B1G teams! Our first one compared B1G teams to magical beasts.
All images were sourced from Google Image search, and primarily from the Harry Potter wiki.
1) Michigan: Minerva McGonagall
224 Points. 16 first place votes. 0 last place votes. High: 1. Low: 1. Last week #1
It’s less creepy to sleep over at recruits’ homes when you can turn yourself into a cuddly kitty cat!
2) Ohio State: Horace Slughorn
208 Points. High: 2. Low: 2. Last week #2
Legendary Potions professor, trades on his reputation and likes the finer things in life. Harbored a dark secret that led to the rise of Voldemort, leading to a temporary absence from Hogwarts.
3) Penn State: Remus Lupin
183 Points. High: 3. Low: 5. Last week #5
Professor Lupin is by far the best defense against the dark arts teacher. Like PSU head coach James Franklin, he’s half/man, half/animal.
4) Northwestern: Filius Flitwick
173 Points. High: 3. Low: 10. Last week #4
The Wildcats are having a charmed season, and who better to represent them than the head of scholarly Ravenclaw house and charms master Filius Flitwick!
5) Michigan State: Severus Snape
163 Points. High: 4. Low: 7. Last week #3
Professor Snape is constantly surly, he’s had some setbacks in life, and he’s the head of Slytherin house, which features the color green!
6) Iowa: Pomona Sprout
142 Points. High: 4. Low: 8. Last week #8
The head of Hufflepuff house has been a steady hand teaching Herbology for what seems like 20 years. Hufflepuff’s colors are the same as Iowa, and they always finish the middle of the Quidditch table unless Cedric Diggory or C.J. Beathard are leading the charge.
7) Wisconsin: Rubeus Hagrid
123 Points. High: 6. Low: 10. Last week #7
Hogwarts Caretaker and later on Care of Magical Creatures professor Rubeus Hagrid likes to bulldoze down doors and intimidate surly muggles like Harry Potter’s uncle. Hagrid might have been better off in the Muggle world as an offensive lineman for a run-heavy team like Wisconsin.
8) Purdue: Rolanda Hooch
103 Points. High: 5. Low: 12. Last week #6
The Boilermakers have flown to amazing heights this season! We were shocked when they allowed Minnesota to catch the Golden Snitch on Saturday!
9) Nebraska: Alastor Moody
99 Points. High: 7. Low: 12. Last week #10
A man who’s greatest achievements are in his past, similar to the Huskers. Legendary dark wizard catcher, just like how Huskers coach Scott Frost was a legendary player back in his day.
10) Indiana: Argus Filch
80 Points. High: 8. Low: 12. Last week #12
Indiana football leaves their fans embittered at their lack of wins in close games, just like the squib (non-magical descendant of witches and wizards) caretaker of Hogwarts hates students and wishes he’d get his way.
11) Minnesota: Quirinius Quirrell
69 Points. High: 7. Low: 13. Last week #13
What’s hiding behind P.J. Fleck’s giant tie knot? Would you be surprised to learn that it’s the dark lord himself?
12) Maryland: *Seamus Finnegan
64 Points. High: 9. Low: 12. Last week #9
Even though Seamus Finnegan is just a student, and this is about Hogwarts teachers, hear us out: Just like Seamus Finnegan, things keep blowing up in Maryland’s face this season!
13) Illinois: Dolores Umbridge
33 Points. High: 12. Low: 13. Last week #11
Hem-Hem. Illinois football is like being taught by Dolores Umbridge: you don’t learn a damn thing, it sucks all the joy out of the room, and it is self-inflicted torture.
14) Rutgers: Gilderoy Lockhart
16 Points. Last week #14. 16 Last Place Votes. High and low: 14.
Professor Lockhart, like Rutgers football this season, is a complete fraud. The only way to explain Artur Sitkowski’s performance against Maryland is that some fool wizard removed the bones from his arm.