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Where We Be, What We Be Drinking: Week 12

Our weekly tour around the country to see how our “writers” will be enjoying football season

Welcome to the penultimate week of the regular season. Michigan might actually be good. Northwestern still sucks, but they’ve somehow managed to win the division anyway. Everything is awful, and yet we soldier on. Such is college football.

As you all know by now, WWBWWBD is a weekly segment where your favorite OTE “writers” talk about the things they’ll be drinking instead of hanging out with their families. Let’s get started:

I made it back from Iowa with a trunk full of beer from Toppling Goliath, Big Grove, Surly, New Glarus, and a handful of other breweries I don’t have access to on the east coast. I’ll be on my couch with Randy the puppy this weekend, and I think I’ll break into the Pseudo Sue from TG and the Wake Up Iowa coffee stout from Backpocket. I have plans to make chili that will probably devolve into ordering chicken wings when I don’t feel like doing any work.

Ackbar Itsatrapski
Off to Lincoln for an in-person lesson in both excellence and humility from the Greatest Fans in the Solarverse and to most likely grit my teeth through another unwatchable dreck from MSU’s offense. Should be a fun trip regardless.

Going to Lincoln to give Andrew an in-person lesson in both excellence and humility. Watching the increasingly worsening weather forecast this week, it appears I’ll be enjoying my first taste of the MSU Weather Machine as well! I hope Nebraska shows up and gives them a game--it will be interesting to see how they do against an actual defense after the last several weeks. I will show Andrew some Nebraska beer options, probably Kincaider, as well as point him toward the best coffee in town at The Mill.

Minneapolis! Turns out the advantage to living in Minnesota (other than a better education system, quality of life, and all those other boring things not enjoyed by your shit state) is that every other year, Northwestern turns up and plays a terrible football game with the Gophers. The nice thing about that? I get to attend the game with family and friends, freezing our asses off on the 2nd deck metal bleachers with dozens of fans equally curious to see if Northwestern gives a shit about this game or if Minnesota continues its improbable march to the Redbox San Francisco Bowl.

No, wait, I said “the nice thing.” Right. Family tailgate! We’ll be in Victory Lot before the game, so if you’re there and see a larger man with dirty facial hair in a purple sweatshirt, either punch him in the face (does not apply to WhiteSpeedReceiver) or offer him a beer. I’ll be drinking Mich Golden Light, Grain Belt, whatever shots my little sister whips up for the tailgate (to be done off their “Row the Boat” shot-oar), and likely some of my own contributions, probably Fair State or 612 but also maybe whatever my favorite discount beer store has on sale.

I’ll be either at home or at a bar in Chicago to watch the ’Cats take on the VILE GOPHER MENACE and drinking a copious amount of local beer.

Candystripes For Breakfast
I’ll be at home probably only paying slight amounts of attention to what will probably end poorly for the Hoosiers. I actually have Vanilla Coke this weekend, so that’s probably the postgame drink, win or lose.

I’ll be on the road, heading from No. Fla to State College on saturday. I’m taking the family up to the homestead for Thanksgiving. I’ll be listening to the game on XM radio. When I get home, I’ll enjoy a celebratory Basil Hayden on the rocks. The best thing about Thanksgiving in State College is the turkey. We’ll pick ours up from the Poultry Science Club’s Annual Fresh Dressed Turkey Sale. Yes, it’s a real thing. Yes, these are the best turkeys you will ever taste. An overnight brine and this is what all other birds aspire to be. And though I usually do a wet brine, hat tip to our F.S. crew for telling me about dry brines. We may do that this year.

I’ll be in Boone, NC for the annual Christmas-tree-getting and football-updates-on-my-phone-only trip. I’m excited! I probably won’t be drinking because that sounds miserable with 2 hours of driving each way.

I will be somewhere between shooting trap with my father and home watching/listening to the game. Dad is all about the Yuengling, so I shall be partaking while laying waste to clay targets.

Dead Read
I’ll be in lovely downtown Lincoln. I might not be able to watch the game. Bummer.

Not wind nor sleet nor hail nor snow will keep me from Historic TCF Bank Stadium to watch my Gophers put the purple cats in the bathtub. It’s looking like it’s going to be abhorrent weather that only the truly foolish would brave to watch this dreck. So I’ll be there and I’ll be drinking Grain Belt (and peppermint schnapps) and probably getting some DQ to eat, because I am that crazy Minnesotan.

The first football-adjacent wedding was a 5:00 ceremony with a noon football game. Fine. The second was a 4:00 ceremony with a 3:30 football game. More difficult this time. But now it’s another 3:30 (2:30 in Chicago where I’ll be) kickoff, and I have to perform the wedding ceremony. People are going to great lengths to prevent me from watching Illinois football. I shouldn’t be resentful. It’s only because they care about me.

I will be at our Friends’ Thanksgiving. Drinking wine, eating turkey, ham, bread. It’ll be fun.

I’ll be in sunny Southern California this weekend, laying low while gearing up for the Game next weekend.

That’s it for your OTE “writers”, but what about the rest of you? Are you lying to yourself about at least basketball season is going to be fun this year? Are you honoring Stan Lee by writing fan fiction where Pat Fitzgerald becomes the new Iron Man? Let us know in the comments!