The HAPPY THANKSGIVING Mailbag

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! I hope you’re all having a good time surviving your family and partaking in all of your favorite foods and traditions.

In honour of hate week, which teams in the B1G do you wish had fiercer rivalries, or what teams do you wish considered each other rivals? - DtownK

Boilerman: I wish that teams that have a trophy at stake were actually playing each other this week rather than whatever the hell genius came up with Michigan State - rutgre.

BRT: “Honour” eh? Are you Canadian, British, or fat-fingered? I’m actually pretty happy being in the Quadrangle, and with the rest of the West generally. There isn’t a ton of vitriol between Nebraska and Northwestern, but the battle for NU and generally exciting nature of those games has made that a fun non-QoH addition as well. It’s always fun to hate on Wisconsin and Iowa. I don’t feel much antipathy toward Minnesota, by virtue of being the granddaughter of a Gopher, but I do find Peej super annoying so I didn’t feel super bad about kicking the crap out of them this year.

As far as teams that are not my team, I don’t care who they find rivals or not, although PSU’s insistence that they’re too good to be rivals with anyone is dumb, but PSU gonna PSU.

Thumpasaurus: Nobody’s going to consider Illinois a rival until we defeat our biggest rival, which is of course ourselves. On paper, Illinois vs Iowa should be a really good one given the similarity of downstate Illinois and the entirety of Iowa...but...Lovie Smith has never scored at home against the Hawkeyes. I’d also really like to have a series with Indiana.

WSR: I think Minnesota vs. Indiana should be a thing for the right to be the chaos team. And as part of this rivalry, we both need to live up to our roles as much as possible.

Predict the 2019 Big10 West finish (order is sufficient. extra credit for records and specifics) - RockyMtnBlue

Boilerman: Team with a Running back, Team with a Quarterback, Team with Young Coach, Team with Old Coach, Team with New Coach, Team with a Rowing Expert, Team that can’t have nice things.

BRT: Nebraska ;), Wisconsin, Purdue (assuming with Brohm), Northwestern, Minnesota, Iowa, Illinois.

Yes, this is at least 50% trolling.

Thumpasaurus:

1-6: Your Teams

7: My Team

Candystripes: Wisconsin, Northwestern, Iowa, Purdue, Nebraska, Illinois, Minnesota.

WSR: Northwestern, Nebraska, Iowa, Minnesota, wisconsin, Purdue, Illinois

Because we will not show bias in my mailbag, Predict the order of the 2019 B1G East finish as well. - WSR

Boilerman: No.

Thumpasaurus:

1-6: Not Rutgers

7: Rutgers. I would have said Eastern Illinois, but that’s actually a thing. Does that make Illinois….Western Rutgers University?

BRT: See, the East folks are always crowing about how amazing the East is, and how trashy the West is, but these questions prove that highly variable trash is actually far more interesting than being the Big Two and Little Five.

Candystripes: Michigan, Ohio State, Michigan State, Penn State (assuming Franklin goes to USC, otherwise put them ahead of MSU), Maryland, Indiana, Rutgers.

WSR: OSU, PSU, Michigan, MSU, Maryland, Indiana, Rutgers

Question: Do Michigan fans whine more after wins (e.g. Indiana and MSU apparently being mean to their teams) or after losses (e.g. #REFS, etc.)? - waw

Boilerman: I’ll save the obvious response for another team’s “writer.” Seriously though, there’s so much whining about whining that there needs to be a B1G cheese-fest. That or someone needs to have the fluids checked in their vehicle.

BRT: Is “whining always” something that can really have a more or less answer to it? Like, if it’s constant, you can’t answer this. And it is constant.

Thumpasaurus: Please punch me in the face if I ever complain about a conference win. I can’t remember when I’ve ever done that.

Candystripes: Yes.

WSR: Michigan fans, in general, are like newborn puppies. Whining is just what they do. Are they hunger? Whine. Full from eating? Whine. Need to take a shit? Whine. Tired? Whine. Wake up from a nap? Whine. At least with their brethren that wear green are consistent and it’s only when they’re shown DISRESPEK.

As reference to the alluded near future, “these are the times that try men’s souls”. So:

1) You HAVE to pick an in-season sport (college or pro) for the winter duration to at least moderately follow

2) What drink takes your soul to the edge, and then pulls you back in (in relation to the lack of B1G football)

3) What outdoor winter activity do you enjoy the most

4) Christmas music and decorations before Thanksgiving: “Yay” or “Nay”? - Lions_Tigers_Wings_Oh_Mi

Boilerman: 1) Seeing that I’m mostly here as a Shootyhoops “writer”, I’ll go with that. 2) Jefferson Reserve bourbon, one ice cube. 3) Sledding down Slayter Hill at Purdue on any and everything that could remotely resemble a sled (cookie trays, lunch trays, a couch on skis, a tractor tire tube, you name it, we engineered a way to get it down the hill). 4) Nay.

BRT: 1) I’ve come to enjoy Nebrasketball. I never followed it before I started dating someone whose school had a basketball tradition many years ago, but found that I really did enjoy having something to pay attention to in the winter. I’ve also enjoyed Tim Miles and Nebraska not always being totally hopeless in hoops, just kinda hopeless.

2) I don’t understand the question, and I won’t respond to it.

3) Walking toward a door to someplace warm.

4) HELL YES. Thanksgiving is doomed by poor placement (it should be when the Canadians have it, the spacing of major holidays would be much better), and it’s totally superfluous to the far superior Christmas. Also, it’s so dark this time of year, that I find any extra sparkle and light to be very welcome. I get if people are purists about this and want to curmudgeonly keep their decorations stowed until Black Friday--you do you. But they’re not going to shame me for slowly getting out the Christmas decorations from mid-November onward. (There is also a practical side of this--I love enjoying my Christmas decorations, but I’m a teacher and this time of the year is BUSY. So if I wait until the perfect time to get everything out, it sometimes just doesn’t get done, and then I am sad. If I do a little bit at a time when I have a spare bit of evening here and there in November, I’m less crazy in December. Maybe if I were some Pinterest Queen with a nice house and the luxury of staying home and having a husband to put up outdoor lights and all that shizz I’d be more rigid on this--but I don’t, so I’m not.)

Tl;dr-- Do what makes you happy. :)

Thumpasaurus: 1) Why exactly are you allowing people to pick sports other than the one true sport? A decadent and glamorous thing like pro basketball doesn’t set a good example for our children. You’ll watch collegiate wrestling like the humble and hardworking Midwesterner you are.

2) Night Train. It’s a short ride and it’s a one-way ticket.

3) I was typing my response and I happened to catch in my peripheral vision that BRT had already written it...practically verbatim. We are henceforth to be referred to as The High Council Of Going Back Inside.

4) My jazz orchestra hasn’t rehearsed any Christmas charts yet...so I’ll give that a nay.

Candystripes:

1: Basketball in some form or another, as I’ll be paying at least moderate attention to IUBB and the Pacers.

2: I am terribly unqualified to answer this question.

3: Playing Pokemon Go in the snow.

4: Hard nay.

WSR: 1) One? Oh hell no. Winter is my season for sports! Basketball and Hockey get a ton of attention from me! It’s even bigger now that the girls are getting older and like going to games to watch the likes of Kelly Pannek, Sarah Potomak, and Grace Zumwinkle play hockey and with Lindsay Whalen taking over as head coach. Oh yeah, and there’s the men’s teams for those sports and Wrestling too! It’s the best time of year for college sports because of the frequency of events.

2) Jameson on the rocks.

3) Boot hockey! Go to the rink, toss a few cases of beer in the snowbanks around you, and play hockey without the risk or concern of having a pair of razor blades on everyones feet!

4) In the past I’ve been beyond hardcore about this one: the damn tree goes up on the day after Thanksgiving. There are rules, and if we don’t follow them we’ll slide into anarchy. What happens next? Putting the tree up on the 4th of July? Easter? Never take it down at all? There are rules, people. But having kids has changed that a bit. They absolutely love having the tree up, even if there aren’t presents around. And the spirit of the season can be pretty fun. So you know what? Put it up when you want to put it up. Just don’t ask me for help unless you’ve got some hot chocolate and peppermint schnapps.

name the B1G candidates in NYC on 12/8/18 - badgersrox

Candystripes: {null set}

WSR: If we send anyone, it should be Rondale Moore.

OTE Holiday Gift Guide What would you give to your favorite OTE “writer” and who would be the recipient? - HoustonBoiler

BRT: I would give LGHF a heart, Speth brains, Thump courage, and Beez the gift of going home for Christmas (also ruby slippers). I’d also give WSR a marshmallow shooter.

Boilerman: I’m giving everyone who wants a new coach a dime for their respective buyouts.

Thumpasaurus: If I had any affinity for one Creighton, I’d send him enough Michigan brews to cost me like $40 in shipping. Hypothetically of course. And I’d put a nice little number next to Indiana’s name, like a 24 or something, just to warm the heart of Candystripes. Maybe even give them a bowl game that they can win.

Candystripes: I’d give Thump the gift that keeps on giving: the position of Illinois Fighting Illini head football coach.

WSR: I think I’d get gifts for all my brethren (and sistren) from the West a present. I’d get BRT, Dead Read, and Jesse some nice gift bags with a Starter jacket and a copy of NOW That’s What I Call Music! 3 and maybe a flannel shirt or two. For LPW and MNW, I’d get some nice training devices for their butlers, like maybe a good cat o’ nine tails. Boilerman would get a model railroad and a media day guide from the MAC coaches meeting. Stew and Creighton would get what every Iowa fans needs: a trip to the chiropractor to realign their necks so they can stop looking towards Nebraska all the time. Beez and MCCYH are going to get a gift certificate to Bad Axe Throwing so they can get some practice watching on go away for when it happens on Saturday. And Thump. Poor poor Thump. I’d give him a hug and regift my certificate for a new liver I got after having Gopher Football season tickets for a decade.

Which type of car is perfect for either your favorite coach or, more entertainingly, your least favorite coach? - WSR

BRT: Frost might drive some brand-new, monstrous pickup truck--he is a rural Nebraskan, after all. The model of Harbaugh’s doesn’t matter, but it is painted something just completely obnoxious, like burnt orange. Ferentz is definitely #teambuick--nice and comfortable, not too flashy, age-appropriate. Peej is piloting a clown car. Franklin drives the Oscar Meyer Wienermobile, because he is a huge wiener.

Boilerman: Well, let’s go down the list here.

Lovie Smith: A sleigh pulled by 8 linemen.

Tom Allen: Either a 1987 Chevy Camaro RS or a Ford Ranger

Kirk: Something with a 3.1L GM V-6, the old reliable snoozefest

Matt Canada: A rental car, probably a Hyundai

Jim Harbaugh: A Dodge Ram 3500 with a chimney stack

Mark Dantonio: A Buick sedan with a Ragtop

PJ Fleck: Couldn’t decide between a converted ambulance with working sirens or a Duck Boat

Scott Frost: A 1997 Silverado 2500 with a 6” lift kit, off-road tires, and a 454 V8 for good measure

Pat Fitzgerald: Whatever his butler drives him around in.

Urban Meyer: Ford Mustang Surrender Cobra edition

James Franklin: An Alfa-Romeo, all the hype but never really works right

Jeff Brohm: His 2004 Honda Accord

Chris Ash: A 1990 Yugo with with a 1.3-L I-4 and a 3-speed Automatic

Paul Chryst: Something that just runs and runs and runs

Thumpasaurus: OH WOW I LOVE YOU FOR THIS ONE

Paul Chryst: A silver 2013 Hyundai Genesis. I once drove one of these for a weekend and I kept forgetting what it looked like when I parked it.

Chris Ash: Base model Fiat 500L that never ever works. This is one of the least reliable cars you can buy today. The pride of Kragujevac, Serbia (seriously), this vehicle has had so many problems with initial quality you forget that even in a best case scenario it’s not pretty or exciting.

Jeff Brohm: Dodge Charger Hellcat. Sure, you’re focused on the high-powered unit under the hood, but with plenty of space and a very usable backseat, this is a surprisingly practical family sedan.

James Franklin: Porsche Cayenne Diesel: LOOK AT MY PRESTIGIOUS SPORTS CAR/SUV, I’M A PORSCHE MAN NOW, LOOK AT HOW ELITE I AM with my diesel vw touareg

Urban Meyer: A black Mercedes S Class, just like any decent mob boss.

Pat Fitzgerald: A Dodge Omni GLH that somehow just keeps going even though he never replaces any parts on it or changes the oil or tires

Scott Frost: F-250 Platinum King Ranch with a lift kit. If Oregon got any of the Nebraska out of him, Florida put it right back in.

PJ Fleck: A completely chrome-finished 2012 Fisker Karma that somehow also has motivational bumper stickers all over the back. He never shuts up about how ground-breaking and revolutionary his electric car is and howforward-thinking he is for having it, even as it catches fire for no apparent reason.

Mark Dantonio: Strikes me as a slate gray Chrysler 300 owner. Tan interior.

Jim Harbaugh: Whatever Bo Schembechler drove, with a picture of Bo Schembechler on each door.

Matt Canada: Subaru Baja: not sure where he’s going, but he may or may not be ready to go there

Kirk Ferentz: A 1998 Toyota Corolla he’s had for that long and WHAT ARE YOU DOING IS THAT FOOD IN HIS COROLLA? THERE’S A REASON THIS CAR HAS RUN FOR SO LONG.

Tom Allen: Honda Ridgeline. A perfectly competent truck...that nobody knows or cares about.

Lovie Smith: An Uber taking him to the airport for a one-way flight somewhere else.

WSR: Fleck’s driving a Audi. We all know it. Kirk Ferentz is driving an 1994 Ford Taurus wagon. Jim Harbaugh drives a Hummer and screams at anyone that gets near him in spite of him taking up two lanes. Scott Frost doesn’t think it’s any of your damn business if he has a car, or a drivers license. Mind your own damn business and respect his privacy. And Paul Chryst doesn’t drive. He just goes wherever Barry takes him.