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Where We Be, What We Be Drinking: Hate Week

Our weekly tour around the country to see how our “writers” will be enjoying football season

Happy belated Thanksgiving to everyone, and welcome back to WWBWWBD: The weekly segment where your lovely OTE editorial staff convinces themselves that their mashed potato-induced lethargy will subside long enough for them to find the TV remote and change the channel to BTN.

As I’m sure all of you are already aware, it’s Hate Week, and wouldn’t you know it we actually have some pretty good games to watch. Today you’ll be treated to the Heroes Game between Iowa and Nebraska: an annual display of amazing punts, both arm and regular.

The winner of Indiana and Purdue gets both an Old Oaken Bucket and a trip to a bowl game. Illinois will be doing everything they can to end their season on a high note by winning a cool new stovepipe hat from Northwestern, who will be using this game to make sure they have as little momentum and confidence as possible before they head to Indianapolis.

If Wisconsin bothers taking Paul Bunyan’s Axe out of the trophy case this year, it’s probably because they need a prop to turn PJ Fleck’s boat into kindling.

Jim Harbaugh will try to break the world record for “Most people throwing up in their mouths simultaneously” by beating Ohio State and clinching a Big Ten championship for Michigan (yes, I’m writing the Tarp Cats off already), but I would argue that Penn State and Maryland will be a more entertaining game because by golly do those two programs have some bad blood.

Michigan State and Rutgers is also a game that is technically occurring.

Now let’s tour the country and see what everyone is up to:

I have to go to the office today, so I’ll be in a self-induced media blackout trying to avoid seeing or hearing anything regarding the Iowa-Nebraska game until I get a chance to go home and watch it on the DVR. On Saturday, I’ll be at home filling up on leftovers and washing them down with some Pseudo Sue, Spotted Cow, and possibly some Bourbon Barrel Gingerbread Stout from Hardywood.

Oh, jeez. The one nice thing I do with my life is work at a youth retreat just east of the Twin Cities, so I’ll be off doing that this weekend and won’t get to see a single live minute of HAT. I’ll be drinking lots of coffee and water to keep up with a bunch of high schoolers who are likely cursing me under their breaths.

On Friday, though, before I arrive, I’ll be up at the in-laws’ cabin and check out Round Man Brewing, the first brewery to call Spooner, WI, home. They are located in an historic store on Spooner’s main street, and I’m very excited to try their cream ale and scope them out for future summers at the lake.

Dead Read
I will be with family in lovely Lincoln. Since I have missed out on so much football this year, I will relish all that that Rivalry Week has to offer. Lots of turkey.

Friday, Boilerboy and I will be traveling down to Mackey to watch Boilerball take on Robert Morris. Saturday is Thanksgiving #2. While stuffing my face again, I plan to sip some macrobrews, likely Yuengling.

Saturday I’ll be in Evanston to see Northwestern retain the hat against the impotent Illini. I’ll find my way to the beer store off Central street just west of the Metra and drink some good beer from there.

Candystripes For Breakfast
I will be at work for basically all of the Bucket game, which probably means I’m sparing myself some but not all of the sadness likely to come from that game. Since I’m feeling a bit under the weather already, I may just stick to water all day and see if that helps me (because IUFB is pretty well beyond help for this year).

Driving home from State College, listening to the game on XM radio again.

Abraham Turkeycomaski
Probably home in Detroit? Possibly wandering elsewhere in the mitten checking in with family? Hate-watching MSU’s pending 6-3 victory over Rutgers, wherever I end up, and firmly pivoting to basketball by halftime.

I’ll be in central MN with the girls helping my Mom put up her gigantic Christmas tree and making the holiday moonshine. And donchaknow, you need to sample that a lot to make sure that nothing's going wrong.

Big Red Twice
I will be taking my mom to “Phantom of the Opera” in Omaha for her birthday! So we will listen to the game on the radio, and hope it is better worth listening to than last year’s!

I’ll be in Danville, VA again, crossing my fingers that the Ax stays in Wisconsin and rooting for App to win the East Division Championship game

And I’ll be drinking leftover thanksgiving food in the form of chewing it with my mouth. But hopefully drinking eggnog with some bourbon.

I’m in Michigan (Grand Rapids) all this week ... and still exploring the possibility of making my way to Columbus this weekend.

Now that you know what the “writers” are doing for game day, what about the rest of you turkey receptacles? Are you making banners to welcome Matt Campbell into Columbus? Are you heading to Walmart to stock up on some fresh Wolverine gear to wear to Indy? Let us know in the comments!