Fall’s Tarts: The Silly, The Stupid, The What the Punt in the Big Ten in Week Ten

Apparently, the Big Ten as a whole had a minimally stupid week, because there were many fewer nominees than usual for Fall’s Tarts—we even venture beyond the Empire for the first time this season in order to find content. But luckily for all of us, “minimally stupid” isn’t the same thing as “not stupid at all.”

Caleb Lightbourn Struggles Mightily With the Onside Kick

Nebraska got off to a great start against Ohio State. After engineering a 75-yard scoring drive, the Huskers were in as favorable position as they could have hoped against the mighty extant Buckeyes. Coach Scott Frost, knowing his team had little to lose in the game, gambled on an onside kick. It wasn’t a bad call, but the execution... well, see for yourself:

Oh my.

I like Lightbourn, I really do. He once retweeted a dumb “Band of Punters” graphic I made, and anyone who can appreciate my artistry is alright in my book. And he can do a Rubik’s Cube in under a minute, which is pretty boss.

But holy crap, was this tarty.

Maryland Devolves into Punter on Punter Violence

To be fair, this was not even close to the most messed-up thing that happened over the past week at Maryland, but we’ve already turned a few articles into dumpster fires over that whole brouhaha, so enough of that. Instead, let’s turn our attention to the fact that last week, Maryland had an all-punter fist fight.

Reports vary on what, exactly, the fight was about—some claim it was about DJ Durkin’s dismissal, while others claim it was simply an attitude problem being put back in check. What we do know is this:

“The scuffle lasted barely a few seconds with both guys throwing punches,” the source said. “Matt dislocated his shoulder when he missed swinging a punch.”

If a punter v. punter fight is the epitome of B1Gness, then a punter throwing out his shoulder on a missed punch has to be the epitome of punterness.

Anyway, you’re a mess, Maryland.

Portland State and Idaho State are Twinsies

Venturing outside of the Big Ten, because it was apparently a slow news week, FCS foes Portland State and Idaho State ended up both wearing colored jerseys because Idaho State brought the wrong jerseys on the trip. Now, why the home Portland Staters couldn’t simply switch to their other jerseys, I’m not sure, but perhaps the gaffe was noticed too late to do anything about it.

Either way, this is considerably less effective visually than when USC and UCLA do it.

Tom Herman Gives Harbaugh and Franklin the Week Off in Petulance

Texas lost, which is always fantastic, but this time they lost when West Virginia scored on a two-point conversion to close the game. West Virginia was understandably excited about this triumph, and as QB Will Grier flung out his arm in exultation as he crossed into the end zone, Tom Herman got very sad, and kind of snotty:

After the game, Herman sniffled: “I thought taunting before you crossed the goal line negated a score. I’ve got to brush up on my rules and get some questions answered.”

That right there is positively Harbaugh-esque. Unfortunately for us, Harbaugh won this weekend, and thus prevented the world from having a Harbaugh-Herman Weekend of Whine.

That’s all I’ve got this week, guys! Blame your team’s writers for not contributing more tarts, but in the meantime, go ahead and tell me what I missed in the comments. For example, surely Franklin said or did... something, right?