You’ve been elected mayor of the definitely-real Milwaukee suburb of Valley Heights! Times are good—you’ve got a large industrial park complex that’s hopping with businesses which employ tens of thousands of people, your (mostly-white) population is holding steady, and tax revenues continue to flow into your town coffers.
But you, savvy businessman that you are, are never quite happy with just holding pat. How do you continue to promote growth in a town that’s 95% full up on businesses?
A. Offer more tax incentives
B. Build a new office park
C. Promote new infrastructure and public transportation
D. SPONSOR A BOWL GAME
I love that we live in a world where not only is (D) the option chosen by the actually-real Elk Grove Village, IL, but it’s in a bowl game—the Bahamas Bowl—already known for batshit finishes to football games:
Now it’s the Makers Wanted Bahamas Bowl! That’s amazing. That is why I watch football.
Makers Wanted Bahamas Bowl
Sunblazers Golden Panthers (8-4) vs. Toledo Rockets (7-5)
Thomas Robinson Stadium, Nassau, Bahamas
11:30am CT | ESPN | Toledo -7 | O/U 57
The winner of this one hoists the Prime Minister’s Trophy, and that’s everything I’ve ever wanted in a bowl game: A trophy named for a government official.
Forget the Governor’s Cup or Victory Bell or whatever else; you slap “Prime Minister” in front of something and SHIT’S GETTING SERIOUS. It’s a crime the International Bowl never had the Exchequer’s Medallion. That’s how Canada’s governed, right? With ridings and exchequers and medallions with weird spellings and free health care?
Who KEEPS THE BAHAMAS WEIRD?
This poll is closed
Famous Idaho Potato Bowl
Western Michigan Broncos (7-5) vs. BYU Cougars (6-6)
Albertsons Field, Boise, ID
3pm | ESPN | BYU -12.5 | O/U 51.5
I went to the Drake-Rider basketball game on Wednesday night, because I was in Des Moines and I could. Did I have any rooting interest? No. Am I now the World’s Biggest Drake Bulldogs fan? Hell yes.
I mean, shit. Their fight song toasts “The one who wears the ‘D’”, and I am a goddamn child who giggled at that each of the 15 times the pep band played it.
What other innuendos can you think of in college fight songs?
This one’s for ALL THE TATERZ:
This poll is closed
BYU wins, WMU covers
BRONCOS STRAIGHT UP; RAISE THE JOLLY ROGER
Are you done with work for the week? Traveling? Just day-drinking at your desk and running out the clock? Us too. Let us know what you’re drinking and join up in the comments!