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Bumbling Boilermakers Looking to Rebound and Bludgeon Battered Badgers

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A pulverizing preview with many inspiring insights and alliterations abound

NCAA Basketball: Wisconsin at Purdue
Haas Hammering a Hopeless Happ
Sandra Dukes-USA TODAY Sports

Tonight, the powerful Purdue Boilermakers take on a wanting Wisconsin Badgers crew in the dingy discount rack known as the Kohl’s Center. The bumbling Boilers are coming off a precarious pair of last-second losses while the bad-beat Badgers have won a totally terrible two games since the two teams last met in marvelous Mackey Arena on a jumping January night. Unfortunately for the bewildering Badgers, both baffling wins came against an ill-willed and probably infected Illini team.

A Powerful-Painter-coached Purdue squad will pursue to punish Wisconsin with a healthy dose of Isaac Haas while hoping a help-less Happ ends up in a hell of foul trouble. Outside the packed-in paint, look for crazy-cool Carsen Edwards to carve up Wisconsin’s delicate defense while a recently vanished Vince Edwards and defensive darling Dakota Mathias look to regain their recently relegated shooting strokes.

On the beaten-down Badgers side, there isn’t much to say about their offensive offensive output. They lack long-range threats shooting a shitty 34% from three-land. They have a repulsive rebounding rate and are foul-smelling from the free-throw line. Their doubtful defense is decent at times, but I chalk this up to their slothfully slow offense as they try to limit putrid possessions.

Overall, I expect the Boilers to bound to a virtuous victory over the bad Badgers, who should be double-digit dogs.And now, time for my awful alliterations to come to a contented close.

Side note: My head now hurts and I’ve probably watched too much Paw Patrol.