Hello, Nebraska fans! I’d like to start by offering you a quick congratulations on your season so far! You’ve been a lot of fun to watch at times, and you beat wisconsin! Grape job!

Unfortunately, consensus seems to be that you’re still on the bubble. I’m sure you, random Nebraska fan, are probably thinking “Bubble? Yeah, that’s the thing where you hit the hit a WR behind the line of scrimmage as he comes underneath another WR thorwing a block on the edge and you pick up 7-10 yards before the Safety gets there.” Nope, ut that’s why I’m here to help! Here’s what you need to do this week to get by with something that resembles sanity.

1) Win a couple games of your own

Seems simple, right? You’ll want to beat Michigan (or Illinois or Iowa, so...Michigan.) and then whomever comes out of the top of the bracket. After today Sunday, I wouldn’t be surprised if you got another shot at wisconsin. They’re playing decent “basketball” right now, and Sparty doesn’t always seem to bring their A-game to the B1G Tourney. Win a pair, and you should be feeling much better during the selection show. Especially if upsets happen, which brings us to number 2...

2) Cheer for chalk

You don’t want upsets in other conference tournaments. Nothing’s worse than doing your part and winning a couple of games to make it to the B1G Tournament Championship game, only to see your spot go to Georgia because the SEC is garbage and they decided to win that horsecrap tournament. It sucks, which is why there’s one last component to surviving this week, and that’s...

3) Drink

Yup. Every second until you know your fate will be pain. Trust me, I’ve been through it more than enough times. Have a good drink and try not to deal with any additional stress. You may want to call your cardiologist too, just to be safe.