Jim Delany To Announce Ohio State Relocating to New York City, Probably

So I sat down to write this basketball preview of the top two teams in the Big Ten facing off tomorrow, or so I have read, and it got me thinking.

First off, I am not going to pretend to really care about basketball. This Chad Holzmen is doing a fantastic job leading Ohio State in his first year, and I really hope it has an impact on football signing day. Since the football team might get a boost, I decided to pretend to have some sort of journalistic integrity, and see just how good the basketball team is doing.

The record is good and they are only one game back from first place in the conference. Number 1 is Purdue, and again I am not going to pretend to know anything about Purdue basketball. Hell I really don’t even know about Purdue football. The little I do know is that they turned things around last season under an energetic first year coach. While I don’t see them turning into a contender or anything ridiculous, I do think this PJ Flack fellow from Eastern Michigan has them in the right direction. Anyway, back to basketball.

So Ohio State is taking on Purdue. If Purdue wins, they are in sole possession of first place. On national signing day. Cool, I guess. If Ohio State wins, they will tie for first place, but technically be in first place because they won the head to head, and it’s the only head to head game this season between the two teams. Here is the really fucked up part that I am having a hard time wrapping my head around. This key match-up is at Purdue.

As a lifelong Buckeye fan, I am used to things going my way. We are the premier program of the conference. We get the calls and we get the scheduling. That’s how it works. That’s how all of this works!

So I sat here in confusion trying to figure it all out and I had a thought. What if the Big Ten was waiting to make a last second announcement that the game would be played in Madison Square Garden! Ehh, didn’t quite seem right. Then the epiphany. Delany is going to usurp the SEC’s national signing day dominance to announce that Ohio State is taking their talents to the Big Apple!

It all makes perfect sense. The only way for the Big Ten to truly corner the New York market is to relocate Ohio State. While the B1G is going forward with this move, probably, I am sad to announce the equally brilliant plan to move Michigan to LA was scuttled, because the Wolverines are struggling to not suck at football.