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When Good New Traditions Go Bad // B1G 2018

My mind’s telling me it’s time to go get one last Grain Belt.
Photo by Adam Bettcher/Getty Images

It’s rare, but every once in a while it’s possible to create a new tradition thats fun and somewhat spontaneous (even if it is sponsored by Blue Cross Blue Shield of Minnesota) and creative. Starting all the way back in the halcylon days of 2012, back when we all thought Jerry Kill was great and had no real flaws, we started Doing The Gopher. During a TV timeout we’d suddenly be greeted with questionable tones of R Kelly’s Bump & Grind, followed by some either Gopher Coach or team or some random pro athlete from the Twin Cities telling you to do the Gopher, and then everyone would do their own attempt at a hilariously bad Gopher dance to Avicii’s Levels. It was great fun, the students loved it, and even staid boring assholes like myself would join in. From 2012 through the start of 2017 it was great.

And then they ruined it.

I don’t remember which game it was last fall, and I don’t care. Some idiot with more money than brains complained to the right person in the Athletic Department, and it got changed. Not the R Kelly. Oh no. The marching band isn’t allowed to play Gary Glitter because he’s a horrific monster, but Robert’s still OK for some reason. But after the “I want you to do the Gopher!” we were greeted with...Kenny fucking Loggins. It killed the mood faster than finding a Baby Ruth in a pool on caddy day. It had to have been noticed, but it didn’t matter. The next week was the same crap, and it for the remainder of the season. A fun tradition that people liked was dead.

I realize that things need to change sometimes to stay fresh. You need to change your uniforms, or where you go to lunch (unless it’s the Downtown Arby’s, becuase nothing really matters anyway), or what route you take for a drive on a sunny afternoon home from work. But for the Gopher Athletic Department to change something people actually like to satisfy a very small group of idiots that should probably just hurry up and die and leave a pittance to the Golden Gopher Fund demonstrates the short-sighted foolishness that put them in the position they are now with a gigantic doughnut in regards to the age of fans. You still have a problem drawing people around my age, Gophers, because you were terrible in the 1990s and you made the gameday experience suck for ages. Stop changing things people like and let us have fun.