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Unexpected Beat Downs: 55-24

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Get your can of whoop-ass.

Ohio State v Iowa Photo by Matthew Holst/Getty Images

I’m not going to bother you that much with a long preamble you’re just going to skip, so let’s get to the question.

I’m not sure if you knew, but Iowa beat Ohio State by the score of 55-24. 1) How fucking cool was that? 2) Has your team ever handed out a complete ass beating out of the blue to a team that’s supposed to be far superior? Let’s hear stories.

LPW: I’m very proud of your team for that. Northwestern is more recently known for having a close win against a better team and a close loss or a bewildering loss against a team that should not have happened. Quite possibly the biggest upset (but not an ass-beating) against a far superior team in NU history is 1995 against Notre Dame. We were literally the worst team in college football for a generation. You guys all know the story

Candy: 1: Solidly cool. 2: NOPE.

MCClappy: It really was a testament to what even mediocre teams are capable of on any given night when all the stars align. It was also concerning that maybe New Kirk came back just in time for the Wisconsin game. Thankfully the transition back into Bruce Banner was a swift one.

And as for random ass beatings, the only possibilities that really apply to Wisconsin (at least in the last 15ish years) involve Nebraska. The winner has to be the 2012 B1G championship, in which 7-5 Wisconsin obliterated #8 Nebraska 70-23 (/Wisconsin just scored again). Honorable mention to when again #8 Nebraska was welcomed by #7 Wisconsin for its first ever B1G game. After all the talk of UNL taking over the conference, Bucky cruised to the tune of a 48-17 thumping. Then there was that one time Melvin Gordon ran for 408 yards on Nebraska. Basically Wisconsin broke Nebraska.

Boilerman: 1) I’ll grant Iowa a little bit of coolness, for awhile, I guess.

2) The last big unexpected Purdue blowout would probably be 2004 against (Fuck) Notre Dame. Purdue has never had good luck near TD Jesus, but they came in and absolutely dominated. It was all over when Kyle Orton hit Taylor Stubblefield for a 97-yard TD. Purdue would romp 41-16. As we came down the ramps at fND Stadium, my ears were ringing from the Boiler faithful singing ‘Hail Purdue.’

Thump: 1) Laughed my ass off. Kept waiting for the other shoe to drop and Ohio state to storm back. Nope. Lmfao.

2) Most recently this happened in early 2013 when Cincinnati came to town after rolling Purdue and we blew their doors off 45-17. They would go on to win nine games.

But my favorite will always be the lone bright spot of a miserable 2009 season. Michigan had started 5-1 and came to Champaign on Halloween. Despite Illinois being 1-6 with only a win against Illinois State, we sold out the stadium because...well we went to the rose bowl 2 years ago so of course we were still pumped.

An anemic Illinois offense managed to score to answer Michigan’s first touchdown, but on the ensuing drive, Terry Hawthorne slipped and fell in coverage, leaving Roy Roundtree wide open for a 70-yard sprint. But just before he crossed the goal line, he was apprehended by...Terry Hawthorne.

Inspired by the greatest hustle play I’ve ever seen, the crowd got up to cheer the defense, which held on three straight runs into the middle of the line. The crowd was properly deafening on fourth down, where Illinois somehow guessed that RichRod would hand off up the middle again and snuffed it out.

Next drive, Ron Zook finally realized that Mikel Leshoure should get most of the carries, and from then on it was a rout. The Fighting Illini won 38-13. Michigan was nowhere near as good as thought before the game, and Illinois was way too talented to be 1-6, but at this juncture we were totally hopeless and expecting a beatdown. Still one of my favorite memories.

Dead Red: 1) It was really cool. Maybe consider acting like you expect it to happen again someday. [Editor’s note: Where’s the fun in that?]

2) Probably, but it would have been a looooong time ago [Editor’s Note: Ha Ha]

Beez: 1) It was absolutely mind boggling that Iowa beat OSU, let alone obliterated them. I was visiting a friend in the hospital on that fateful day, and although we didn’t watch what would surely be a cakewalk OSU win over Iowa, we were very surprised that Iowa kept extending the beatdown throughout the game

2) Gotta go with what MCClappy said. Wisconsin didn’t belong in a postseason game against a top 10 team that year. To go from a free win for Nebraska heading into bowl season to a complete murderdeathkill of Nebraska was shocking.

WSR: To give out a complete assbeating of a team that’s supposed to be far superior to you requires a pair of compontents: actually beating the doors off a team that’s better than you (for this exercise, I chose a win of more than 21 point) and actually beating a team that’s pretty good. Gopher fans, you’re going to go want to go see how that dandelion killer is working right now

Since the start of the Mason Era in 1997 we’ve played 170 B1G Games. Of those games, we’ve handed out whoopings in an astonishing 15 games (with the most recent being the 54-21 farewell present to nice guy Mike Riley). Of those 15, only 2 were against teams with winning records; the cathartic 54-14 win over Iowa in 2014, and a 37-7 win in Chambana in 1999 over an Illinois team that would finish 8-4.

But...those Illini were 3-2 going into the game with us and had just lost to Sparty and the Hoosiers, so they weren’t even really that good (although they did beat a top-ten Michigan the next week). So no, in the recent era we haven’t handed a complete assbeating out of the blue to a team that’s far superior.

[Editor’s note: This was my favorite answer.]

Thump (a bit later after re-reading the question): Oh wait did the team have to ACTUALLY be good? Shit. 13 cincy was dece but 09 Michigan wasn’t actually any good. Uhhhhh...we beat #4 Iowa 33-0 six years before I was born....

MNW: WSR has inspired me; I also want to do research on this fun matter.

(1) It was amusing, if mostly because expectations for Iowa are so low by 2017 under Kirk Ferentz that merely scoring 55 points in a game was a fucking miracle. But it happening to Ohio State, obviously, was enjoyable. Only thing better would’ve been Penn State.

(2) Northwestern has won 26 games by at least 21 points since 2000. Of those, 19 were over FBS teams. Of those, um...2014 Penn State had a winning record? So did 2013 Syracuse... Jesus. Let’s not do this.

Northwestern did pound then-#22 Michigan State by 35 in 2005 and then-#18 Michigan State by 20 in 2000, but the Fightin’ Johnelles finished 5-6 both seasons. If I’m not choosing anyone from the 1995 or 1996 season, I’d perhaps say the 2015 team’s upset of Christian McCaffery-led Stanford, 16-6. The Cardinal finished 3rd in the AP Poll after piss-pounding Iowa in the Rose Bowl, yet outside body clocks, we still have no idea how Northwestern put together a dominating home win. That’s all I got, though someone will cite something from 2000.

Oh! I forgot one other win. You may remember the fall of 2009, when an average Northwestern team went to Iowa with an injured Mike Kafka getting the nod at quarterback, before he was knocked out of the game. After his backup, Dan Persa, was knocked out of the game with injury, Kafka returned to help the ‘Cats hold on for a 17-10 win against a previously undefeated Iowa squad. Something might’ve happened to Ricky Stanzi that game, too. I can’t remember.