Offensive Offense and Other Horror Stories

Today we’re gonna flip it around. The very next week after whooping up on OSU, Iowa had possibly the worst offensive performance in the history of the program against wisconsin. They gained 66 total yards, a whopping 1.32 yards per play, and scored 0 offensive points. What is the worst performance you’ve ever seen out of a side of the ball for your team? Was it ever so dichotomous with a result of the same season?

Beez: One time Wisconsin scored zero points in a conference championship game. Almost breaking 300 yards, Wisconsin, with B1G POY and Nebraska-destroyer MG3, also committed 4 turnovers. Wikipedia tells me Wisconsin had the 3rd most YPG on the ground and averaged 37.5 ppg that year. That was preeeeeeeeetty bad. Although one time Wisconsin almost lost to CalTech or some such and one time lost to Oregon State 10-7, so those were also bad

That same season, Wisconsin played Nebraska, where aforementioned destroyer broke the single-game rushing record by racking up 408 yards in 3 quarters of play. A record that amazing surely stands the test of time, right? Either way, I also just remembered Wisconsin was down 17-3 at one point, following two Gordon fumbles, so wow what an offensive explosion. Seems like a dichotomous result with a CCG beatdown

LPW: In 2002, Northwestern was fucking terrible (3-9), and probably the worst thing about that season was the 52-3 beatdown at the hands of the Air Force Falcons in Colorado Springs. It was the first game of the season, and I think the team didn’t get to Colorado in time to fully acclimate to the elevation. The game was so bad that the TV networks cut to another game. A terrible debut for new defensive coordinator Greg “Swiss Cheese” Colby. I wanted Randy Walker relieved of his duties after that season.

WSR: On November 24th, 2012, 2nd year Gopher coach Jerry Kill took his squad to East Lansing to for the B1G finale prior to a surprise bowl game. The cold, overcast Saturday was absolutely upbeat compared to the Douglas Haig-inspired offense the Gophers put forth that day: 96 total yards on 49 plays, including a majestic 4 yards rushing on 19 carries for a majestic 0.2 yards. (Which, ironically, may have been roughly the GPA of a few of the holdovers he had from Brewster’s recruiting classes.)

Boilerman: Umm, just about any game during the Shoopfense or Nordfense. Pretty much any game sandwiched between the Tiller and Brohm Eras. MY GOD, THE NIGHTMARES. WHY HAVE YOU DONE THIS???

/sobs

/Crouches in the corner

/tears ACL

Thump: For the first part, it really depends on how you define “worst.” Last year’s team put up 12 straight awful performances on offense with none of them being particularly outstanding but all of them being putrid. Penn State 2015 and Michigan 2012 are decent contenders for offense.

Now on the second point, Illinois held Penn State to 235 yards in a 33-13 rout. 80 of those yards were to Derek Moye on a single busted play, one of just 9 completions. A month later, the Illini allowed 67 points and 676 yards to Michigan, giving up over 300 yards on 10 completions to Denard Robinson.

We got fucking Tebowed. That’s what I’m gonna call 10 completions for over 300 yards, especially on 20 or more attempts. And also Tate forcier came in relief late in that gane

Aaron Yorke: Yay I was at the 33-13 Derek Moye game. Rob Bolden sure had a big arm, but he was terrible.

Penn State once lost a game to Iowa in which it allowed just six points and scored a safety. The year was 2004, and the final score was 6-4. I say that Penn State scored just one safety because the second was taken strategically by Iowa at the end of the game.

10 years later, Penn State beat Indiana 13-7 on the day that I stopped trying to make Christian Hackenberg happen. The top NFL prospect went 12-for-29 for 168 yards and two interceptions, one of which went for a touchdown. The Lions only prevailed that day because Bill Belton ripped off a 92-yard touchdown run in the second quarter and because Zander Diamont was under center for the Hoosiers.

87Townie: That 6-4 Iowa game. I was there. My therapist says, with a few more years of work, I’ll get past it...

LGF: From Ryan Mallett, who heaved the ol pigskin super far, we were treated to the Sheridan Threat rock skipping duo from 2008. They led Michigan to the worst season in its history...and to paragraphs like this: With the loss, Michigan’s season ended with a 3-9 record, officially the worst for the school in the 129 years of the football program. This was their fifth loss in a row to Ohio State, and made the 2008 senior class the second in a row never to beat the Buckeyes.