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Would you like to place really silly bets on Week 1 lines?

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We’ve got some of those for you here! As to why, well...because there are degenerates in the world. Just embrace it.

Dennis Lundy

Get’cher bulletin board material here! Get’cher bulletin board material here!

That’s right, VegasInsider (which, PS, RIP to the V16, the greatest NCAA basketball postseason invitational that barely ever was) has released Week 1 betting lines for college football.

(OK, they did this like a week ago, shut up. Embrace the #content and that you don’t have to make the same 5 jokes about Kirk Ferentz.)

In addition to the actual line for the game and a little section I’m calling “Should you bet this game,” I’ll also be attaching my own prop bet to the game. Let me know in the comments how you’d bet it!

Northwestern Wildcats at Purdue Boilermakers (-3.5)

Thursday, Aug. 30 | 7pm (all times GTZ)

Whoa, we got a line that’s already dropped half a point from Purdue -4 when I first looked these up! Drama! Intrigue!

...you know, to make up for the lack of the drama and intrigue that comes with making one of those “First Day of the Regular Season!” Big Ten games...Northwestern at Purdue.

Should you bet this game: The ‘Cats will be starting a non-Clayton Thorson QB. Bet the Boilers if you feel like pissing away money in May on college football you haven’t watched yet.

MNW’s Prop Bet: O/U, number of quarterbacks used by Northwestern: 1.5

Minnesota Golden Gophers (-17) vs. New Mexico State Aggies

Thursday, Aug. 30 | 7pm

Do like Bill Connelly did for his season preview of the bowl-winning Aggies and repeatedly watch the clips of them (1) making, and (2) winning their first bowl game in 57 years. Awesome.

Should you bet this game: Sure, but I’d say take the mythical under when it’s offered (or NMSU +17, if you’re impatient). The Aggies return a non-shit defense and I still don’t know if Minnesota has a passing game.

MNW’s Prop Bet: O/U number of times announcers mention the last time Minnesota hosted NMSU: 3.5

Michigan State Spartans (-27) vs. Utah State Aggies

Friday, Aug. 31 | 6pm

Hooooooooly shit, if Utah State is as bad in 2018 as they were in 2017, do not watch this game. It’s a Friday night and Syracuse-Western Michigan is on. Do that instead.

Should you bet this game: No—I’m generally opposed to betting a -27 line, though, since I don’t think Northwestern’s ever been -27 and it’s unfamiliar territory.

MNW’s Prop Bet: Number of minutes, on average, a non-Spartan watches this game: 2.5

wisconsin badgers (-34) vs. Western Kentucky Hilltoppers

Friday, Aug. 31 | 7pm

Noooooooooooooooooooooope.

Should you—noooooooooooooooooope.

MNW’s Prop—noooooooooooooooooope.

Ohio State Buckeyes (-38.5) vs. Oregon State Beavers

Should you bet this game: Yes. Ohio State -38.5.
But—shut up and bet it. You know it’ll happen.

MNW’s Prop Bet: O/U, number of QBs Ohio State uses: 2.5

Penn State Nittany Lions (-26) vs. Appalachian St. Mountaineers

Sept. 1 | 11am

In a game that pits beezer against the entire unwashed masses of the OTE Penn State commentariat, the line is actually showing a tiny bit of respect for the class of the Sun Belt.

Should you bet this game: ...I’ll actually say no. Penn State replacing Saquon Barkley and a frisky App State team? Nah.

MNW’s Prop Bet: Halftime score: PSU -13.5

Nebraska Cornhuskers (-20.5) vs. Akron Zips

Sept. 1 | 11am

SCOTT FROST SCOTT FROST SCOTT FROST SCOTT FROST

Should you bet this game: If you’re a true Nebraska fan, you’ve already picked up your MNGA shirt, defunded another public school, and bet this one.

MNW’s Prop Bet: SCOTT FROST clips: O/U, 4.5

Illinois Fighting Illini (-14.5) vs. Kent State Golden Flashes

Sept. 1 | 11am

God.

Should you bet this game: No.

MNW’s Prop Bet: How many rants Thump goes on in this comment section, O/U set at 2.5

Rutgers Scarlet Knights (-18) vs. Texas State Bobcats

Sept. 1 | 11am

FIRE UP BTN ALTERNATE AND GRAB YOUR POPCORN

Should you bet this game: No. No you should not bet on a rutger game.

MNW’s Prop Bet: Will rutger trail at the end of the first quarter? Yes (-200) No (+110)

Indiana Hoosiers (-12) at FIU Golden Panthers*

Sept. 1 | 11am

I like these games at geographic Florida schools for Big Ten teams like Indiana and Maryland. A little recruiting time, a game you (probably?) shouldn’t lose...it’s one of the reasons I wouldn’t complain if Northwestern played at Rice again.

FIU lost a bunch of production, so the Panthers should take a step back from their 8-5 pace in 2017, but this is still a dangerous out for Indiana if Butch Davis reloaded instead of rebuilding.

Should you bet this game: Nah, I don’t dig a B1G team on the road in a weird game.

MNW’s Prop Bet: Number of OTs, O/U set at .5

*Fuck you, they’ll always be the Golden Panthers to me. Also, did you know that FIU’s teams were once known as the Sunblazers? Fuck “Golden Panthers,” I’m calling them the Sunblazers from now on!

Iowa Hawkeyes (-13) vs. Northern Illinois Huskies

Sept. 1 | 11am

Hawkeye fans should use the preseason to continue to laugh at Nebraska fans for losing, at home, to NIU. I see nothing bad that could come from this.

Should you bet this game: It is an Iowa non-conference game, so...no.

MNW’s Prop Bet: Number of punters Iowa uses: O/U at 1.5; number of sub-40-yd punts: O/U at 2.5

Maryland Terrapins vs. Texas Longhorns (-13.5)

Sept. 1 | 11am | FedEx Field

I don’t think the Terps are taking the Longhorns by surprise again, but Maryland with a full roster is something I honestly can’t remember from last season, so we’ll see if they can make magic happen again.

Should you bet this game: Yes, and take Maryland to cover (so that you drive down the line so that I can get Texas -12 in a few weeks).

MNW’s Prop Bet: Will a Maryland QB suffer a serious, multi-game-missing injury? Yes (-200) No (+110)

Michigan Wolverines (-1) at Notre Dame Fighting Irish

Sept. 1 | 6:30pm | NBC

I shit you not, this line was ND -2 or something like that when it opened. Shea Patterson is a helluva drug, guys.

Should you bet this game: Hell yeah, run with a -1 line. You’ve got a pick’em! What could go wrong just taking a random-ass pick’em in May?

MNW’s Prop Bet: Will Shea Patterson’s Heisman odds be the best in the Big Ten after this game? Yes (-110) No (-110)


There it is, guys and gals. Make your bets in the comments, tell me why you’d actually bet some of these...and sure, marvel at how fucking stupid it is that people are betting on this shit on May 23, Year of Our Delany 2018.