Jim Harbaugh Is Contemplating Leaving Michigan, According to My Dream

It’s Michigan week at Off Tackle Empire. In the 90s, any “Michigan Week” probably meant a lot of bad dreams and terror for me, but lately, this Buckeye doesn’t give those fuckers up north much thought. Or so I thought. The other night, I had a dream about a couple of football coaches having a chat. Not just any football coaches, but Lloyd Carr and Jim Harbaugh. Jim was leaning toward leaving the Wolverines, and Lloyd was there to talk him out of it.

Coach Harbaugh was in a mood. He was disappointed about the job he has done at Michigan, and doesn’t feel appreciated. He was leaning toward his accomplishments as a pro player and coach, and possibly moving past the rah rah college stuff. Lloyd was having none of it. Basically, he said, “You are a Michigan man, you guaranteed a win against the Buckeyes as a player, and produced. Now, you are where you should be, leading this great team. Not only is this a good thing for you, there is no other man on the planet that is better for the job.”

Harbaugh thought about it for a while, and wavered back to leaving. “Coach Carr, I am a winner. I win, and I am just not winning enough. I understand the Michigan faithful being upset with me.”

Carr scoffed, “What have you ever won? You are a Michigan man through and through. We don’t win, we just ruin. We ruin other’s hopes and dreams. We are the Darth Vader of football. Our role isn’t win, it’s to make other’s wins an actual accomplishment. That is where my eternal damnation comes in, twofold. I won. 1997, my worst team in 4 years. Nebraska was the better team, ask their new coach. Charles Woodson would not be denied, which is why he was a Raider through and through. A true rebel. Then, I fucked up again, and let that weasel Tressel get his championship. The only thing that lets me sleep at night is that we Michigan men play chess, not checkers. They say I lost to the Buckeyes in 2006. 42-14, I think not.”

Then I woke up, and realized that Harbaugh probably isn’t going anywhere. The million dollar question is, is that a good thing as a Buckeye? Michigan really hasn’t done much under him, other than hype. However a good Michigan is good for Ohio State. And this might blow some of your feeble minds. I actually want Michigan to be great. Not good, great. I want every OSU championship to go through a Michigan juggernaut. There is no real OSU championship unless they beat a Vader type Wolverine squad.

My million dollar question is, can Harbaugh take Michigan beyond Vader? I honestly thought he would, but lately I am second guessing that opinion. As everyone at OTE knows, my opinion is meaningless, but it’s all about you cats.