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Ohio State Potluck: Part the First

In Which We Serve You Mayonnaise-Based Salad and You Clean Your Plate

In our first installment of the not-at-all-worn-out Potluck trope, you shall dine on the finest of opening dishes: a salad of fruits, nuts, and lettuce doused in the cheapest mayonnaise your mother could find. You deserve this. You deserve it because you hate it, and doing things you hate builds character. This Waldorf Salad will turn you from a boy into a man, and from a man into a Swnnson. If you happen to be a girl or a woman, the same transformation applies. You’re welcome. Now eat your mayonnaise or you can’t have any Mallomars after dinner.

Just look at all that creamy goodness.

While we’re talking about things you hate, let’s chat about Ohio State!

Question: Which Ohio State player, play, or moment pisses you off the most? (2001-present, though future moments can be predicted if you so choose.

GF3: For me, it’s been the infuriatingly frequent amnesia about the offensive backfield. That includes 2013 in the B1G CCG when Hyde was neglected. It happened again in the torrential downpour of 2015 when Zeke was left to languish in favor of a fucking passing attack in the absolute pouring rain. Add the complete failure to develop JT for in the year following his injury. Basically I hate Tim Beck, Ed Warriner, and anything they ever touch. Enjoy Ed, Michigan. He’s really something.

Boilerman31: 2002 Holy Buckeye. Fucking Cover Zero defense.

Dead Read: I have maintained a consistent view of OSU. I did enjoy everything about that tattoo fiasco, though. That was the only blip in a steady state of loathing.

MC ClapYohandz: I am not falling for this masturbatory exercise. Wisconsin abstains, courteously.

Beezer07: My answer is that time OSU missed the playoff last year. Or the loss to Iowa, that made me mad.

James “Jimmy Buckeye” Snyder: Without a doubt, when the “Mensa Genius”™ and Meyer called a Braxton Miller run on 4th & 1 against Michigan State with Carlos “I-Can’t-Run-For-Less-Than-5” Hyde

MNW: The ‘Cats should have covered. That’s all I’m old enough to know. Also that the bush I fought before the game had it coming. Kain Colter got that first down.

C4B: I mean, I can I just say 2001-present and point to every single time we’ve played Ohio State? Because if I go any deeper than that I’ll have to relive every individual heartbreak of a 30-ish year streak of futility, and we’re way too early in the season for me to be doing that again.

LPW: Goddamnit...2013. We had you guys.

WSR: The overturned targeting call on Joshua Perry in 2015. Bullshit home cooking was a huge call in a game that ended up being much closer than it should have been even without a blatant hit that warranted an ejection.

StewMonkey: Two times come to mind. 2010: Iowa was up in the waning minutes of the 4th quarter. One more stop and Iowa can drain the clock and turn around a heretofore disappointing season. Iowa forces OSU in to a 4th & 10. Victory is so close. There’s no way Pryor can complete a pass in such an obvious spot. Iowa gets pressure. Pryor barely escapes the clutches of the DL, scrambles to the boundary, and evades pursuit. He steps out of bounds 11 yards downfield. The rest is moot.

Narrator: “He did not step out of bounds. And he got 14 yards.”

Zigged when you shoula zagged, Hawkeyes

The second time is from 2009. I mostly just blame Ferentz for not trying to score at the end of regulation.

Which OSU moment sticks in your craw? Go on, vent your spleen. Have some bile with your mayonnaise.