As some of our more loyal readers know, we at Off Tackle Empire have a Michigan Man as our fearless leader. In keeping with a long standing Michigan tradition of incompetence and stupidity, he tasked me with writing about Ohio State Buckeyes tradition. (In a bit of journalistic integrity, I must confess he did not actually task me with it, he delegated to the other Buckeye writer, that begrudgingly gave me the job, because I volunteered, though I suspect he didn’t want to because I have a penchant to meander off topic, especially with run on sentences.)
Traditions? I am not that guy. If someone in a far away land notices I am wearing an Ohio State tee-shirt, and screams “OHHH ACHHH”, I just look at them like I am dead on the inside. Partly because I am dead on the inside, and partly because I am just not that into the hullabuloo. I might sing along to “Hang On Sloopy” but I am not doing the ridiculous hand gestures. To be clear, I am not sitting at the bar sipping my apple-tini looking at all the idiots doing those hand gestures and thinking, “What a bunch of idiots!”. Do the whole fan thing, I wont judge, it’s just not my thing.
My thing is the other Buckeye tradition, which is to second guess superiority. Ohio State is one of the best programs in the country, and unquestionably the best program in the Big Ten this century. So of course, I am going to question every decision by every member of the OSU staff, and every bad play by a 20 year old kid put under immense pressure. It’s what we do.
I am not certain either line of fandom is particularly healthy, so I decided Ohio State needs a new tradition. Because I am not anti-tradition, per se, I decided to merge my two favorite traditions into one. The first, hate Michigan. Easy peasy for any Buckeye fan (or not Michigan Fan, or fan of Michigan State, or fan of any Big Ten team not named Michigan, or anyone, really, including Michigan fans who all closetly hate themselves). The second is dotting the i. As I have already stated, I am not really an emotional guy, but if I am going to tear up at an OSU tradition, it would be dotting the i. (I cried when Earle did it.)
So how do I merge hating Michigan with dotting the i? Columbus, Ohio, is the home of the most average of Americans. We are not rich, we are not poor, we are not east or west or north or south. We are the definition of average. Companies test products here because of that very fact. Dotting the i is the most revered status any Buckeye can have. Everyone hates Michigan. Every Buckeye should be able to dot the i. While clearly not practical, there should be a lottery of Buckeye fans, and the proud winner should get to dot the i against Michigan. One “special” person should get the honor each year, one lottery winner, and the rest of the i dotting should be Sousaphone players.
What do you think should be the newest Ohio State tradition?
What would be the best new Ohio State tradition?
This poll is closed
The current ones are annoying enough
The current ones are the best, can’t fix greatness!
I like your idea very much
While completely impossible, I think Ohio State should lose to my favorite team each year!
But actually, Script Ohio was already linked to Michigan, since they did it first, so like, the whole article is a moot point.