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Where We Be, What We Be Drinking: Week 1

Our weekly tour around the country to see how our “writers” will be enjoying football season

Holy hell that was a long offseason. Welcome to week one, everybody! It’s the return of everything you love. Tomorrow you’ll find out which Wolverine will win the September Heisman this year, James Franklin will run up the score on a G5 team to prove a point that nobody will care about, and the Texas Longhorns are officially BACK for the ninth consecutive season.

So what is everybody at OTE dong for Labor Day weekend? Let’s find out!

Creighton: I’ll be on my couch in Charlottesville watching games with the new puppy, Randy. I’ve got a nice bottle of The Devil Made Me from my new favorite brewery: Adroit Theory. It’s way too hot to grill anything myself, so I’ll probably pick up some chicken wings and start football season off right.

WhiteSpeedReceiver: Thursday night I will have been in HISTORIC TCF BANK STADIUM watching the Gophers take on the mighty New Mexico State Aggies after having a few Grain Belts. For the rest of the weekend, I’ll be in various places in Minnesota enjoying Grain Belt, Irish coffee, whatever flavor moonshine my Mom’s made recently, and anything else that strikes my fancy.

Andrew McPolishface: Reposing at home here in Detroit with trusty sidekick Artoo, Off Talkle Empire mascot, drinking deeply from the cup of football for most of the weekend. We’re still in summer temp-wise so Founders’ Solid Gold feels appropriate.

LincolnParkWildcat: I’ll have been in the Chicago suburbs drinking a few local brews watching the Cats take on the Boilermakers this thursday night.

Boilerman: I shall have been in West Lafayette Thursday evening for the B1G kickoff against an: Northwestern. I plan to be sipping some Boiler Gold Ale once inside Ross-Ade. Pregame, however, remains to be seen. No doubt some consumption will include selections from People’s Brewing Company and maybe even some from the LBC (Lafayette Brew Company).

Thumpasaurus: I’ll be in the Chicago suburbs at my parents’ place; I’ll need as much moral support for this one as possible just in case the worst should happen. I’ll also have some support from Shorts’ Soft Parade Shandy, which is officially the greatest summer drink ever.

Candystripes For Breakfast: Since so many different things I want to keep an eye on are all happening Saturday night, I’ll probably just be following the IU game on Twitter (and also probably in the threads on OTE) from home. As usual, my consumption preference will be much less exciting than most, and may even just be regular Coke unless I get really inspired to do anything after work.

Dead Read: I will be luxuriating in lovely downtown Lincoln. I foresee much tailgating, football watching, fantasy drafting, and grilling over the holiday weekend. Hopefully the Frost era will get off to a rollicking start.

BigRedTwice: I am not sure what I’ll be drinking or where I’ll be drinking it. I moved in a month ago, and still haven’t obtained internet or hooked up my TV... I’m working on it. So safe to say I’ll be venturing out to find a friendly TV screen to see the first Coach Scott Frost game and likely one of our few good chances for a win this year. Won’t want to miss that...

Townie: It’s still summer here in Florida. Technically hurricane season - hot with a chance of losing your house. So I’m drinking gin. Hendricks, elderflower, lime juice, and simple syrup on the rocks with a lime wedge. A couple of those and I’ll be able to suffer through any football...even the Michigan game. (okay maybe not Illinois, though.)

Zuzu: “I’ll be in Santa Monica at a Rutgers watch party hosted by the Rutgers Alumni Association of Southern California. Since it will be NINE FREAKING AM, I guess I’ll be drinking a mimosa for breakfast.”

Nate: I’ll be watching the Gophers at a bar in Cleveland (hooray work trip) then probably stay to catch the end of TRAINCATZ UNDER THE LIGHTS. I don’t plan on leaving my couch the entirety of Saturday. I will be drinking as many beers as possible.

Jesse Collins: How about barbecue for the long day of football? I’ll be in my living room, laughing at my neighborly Texas fans who are upset they aren’t manhandling a P5 team on the road and ushering in the Frost era with other Nebraska expats. It’ll be fun.

Stewmonkey: I’ll be at Kinnick Stadium tailgating before seeing Ferentz become Iowa’s all time winning football coach. Will probably start the season out a bit easy with bacon, pork chop sandwiches, maybe some country ribs. I’ll be drinking some local brews, likely the newest brewery here in CR, Thew Brewery.

LGHF: East Lansing. Claire’s first tailgate. Weather looking good. God bless football season.

Beezer: Friday I’ll be in Greensboro, watching the Hilltoppers and Wisconsin battle it out in the abomination that is Friday night B1G football, and drinking imitation brand kool-aide. Saturday I’ll be up in Danville, Virginia, crowded around the t.v. with some friends to watch the High School A.V.’s production of the Penn State-App State game (go Apps!) and drinking Foothill’s newest, cleverly named beer: Pumpkin Ale

(Side note: Foothills used to have the most delicious pumpkin beer there is, Cottonwood, but they don’t have it this year. I’m hopeful that “Pumpkin Ale” is the same beer, just with a name designed to take advantage of suckers like me)

MNWildcat: [editor’s note: Wildcats won and I have updated MNW’s response accordingly] Tomorrow (today!) I get to get up nice and early and head to the Great Minnesota Get-Together, where I will engorge upon some fried shit on sticks, battered things with sauce, and sugar-coated sugar. God, I love it so much.

As for the game? In the house, on my own couch, like a real goddamn adult. Man, homeownership feels good sometimes.

Until Northwestern loses to somehow beats Purdue, that is. Sadness Unbridled ecstasy will be drowned with fueled by O’So Mango Groove and Fair State Pahlay’Ahlay.

DJ: Saturday I’ll be at home in MD watching the Terps take on Texas. I refuse to pay absurd dollars to go to FedEx Field for a home game that wasn’t even included in the season ticket package. Instead I’ll enjoy watching from my couch with my oldest on his birthday, then head out after to a minor league game with 10 6-7 year olds that’ll end with some fireworks.

What about the rest of you? Are you deep frying an entire cow for consumption by you and your fellow tailgaters before dumping the oil in the woods and pissing off all the trees? Are you trying to polish off an entire case of beer before your disapproving in-laws say something? LET US KNOW IN THE COMMENTS!!!!