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Big Ten Football Week 3 Preview & Predictions in MS Paint Infographics, featuring the 2-0 Emotional Barometer

The hard-hitting analysis and number-crunching data you come here for

Well, nothing says “football season is well underway” quite like Illinois getting blown out by a Group of 5 team, amirite?

Have some infographics. Just three weeks until a game we have a chance in!

Being an Illini fan is exhausting. At least there’s recruiting wait not really, but at least there’s basketball well we were really bad before everyone left and we don’t really have a frontcourt, but at least there’s basketball recruiting uhhh actually we’re not really a leader for any 2019 targets but at least that rebrand over the last four years has given us some cool new merch and logos and stuff the new colors are closer to red and black than they are to orange and blue and Nike has already backed off of half the stuff they introduced in the rebrand and it’s to the point where I genuinely miss SLANT ILLINOIS.

I’m slowly coming around to the idea that Illinois is always going to be this bad and I need to cherish any moment that could be fun, like beating Western Illinois. It’s just not healthy to expect them to win a Big Ten game. I have to start getting realistic about my fandom and be more of a stadium-half-full guy than a stadium-half-empty guy.