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Penn State Dad Has Had Enough

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A Momentary Glimpse into the Heart of Near-Disaster

Appalachian State is a name permanently etched in B1G lore. That bold A logo could be minted on coins as a sort of shame-currency. Half non-con cupcake and half low-key death star, App State sits in that scary middle ground where the 2-stars-who-are-actually-4-stars end up landing after the Star Industrial Complex shorts them for one reason or another. Combine that with a solid coaching staff and devoted fans, and you’ve got yourself a recipe for ending Lloyd Carr’s career...I mean for Lloyd Carr to retire completely of his own volition and totally not be threatened with a firing.

App State is a terrible team to to play on September 1st. They’re a terrible team to invite into your lovely home for your first part of the season. And, thanks to the magic of social media, we know they’re definitely not a team you want to go see with your dad.

We’ve all been there, either with our dads or the dad of a loved one. The pseudo-knifehand. The wild gesticulating. The gas station eyewear. A hat that smells vaguely of grass clippings. Coffee breath because nothing hits the spot like a stadium coffee at 4 PM. The enraged dad watching these G-D clowns screw this up like a bunch of nancies who’ve never seen a football in their damn lives is practically canon for those of us who’ve grown up with the college game in our homes. Hell, it’s something we secretly aspire to...though we’ll be totally different than our dads were. We’ll keep the good stuff, you know, but just be way cooler. Like still a really good dad, but one who also listens to NWA while edging the front walk. A cool dad. But with boundaries.

Until we all reach our inevitable spittle-spewing moment of football rage this fall, let’s consider what this poor woman is enduring from her dear old pops. Revel in the mix of familial love tinged with sprinkles of misery over her choice to not just sit with the other Phi-Delts in the student section. App State, you truly bring out the worst in our B1G family.

Poll

What’s Dad Saying?

This poll is closed

  • 17%
    It’s like nobody taught these idiots the FUNDAMENTALS!
    (63 votes)
  • 12%
    Maybe if we’d stop trying to ARM TACKLE THE DAMN QB!
    (45 votes)
  • 29%
    Where’s the pass rush? WHERE IS THE PASS RUSH? Zero pressure. ZERO.
    (107 votes)
  • 27%
    I told you to eat before we came here. We passed two Wendy’s on the way and now you’re mad because they’re out of $9 hot dogs. Money doesn’t grow on trees, You need to learn the value of a dollar.
    (101 votes)
  • 13%
    We could’ve listened to this on the radio and beat the traffic. Now we won’t get home until 9 PM.
    (50 votes)
366 votes total Vote Now