Stop saying “whiteout conditions” like you’re funny or clever or something, ESPN.
7:30pm | FS1 | OSU -28 | O/U 48.5
Straight-Up: Ohio State, 17-0
Against the Spread: Ohio State, 10-7
Townie: Northwestern limps into the Shoe (Narrator’s Voice: Psst, Townie, the game is in Evanston)...and gets pummeled. Buckeyes in a rout.
Boilerman: Man, there’s no way Northwestern wins this one. Fortunately for the Wildcats, this one is on Friday night when everyone will be watching...something else? Going to lay the points as I think these lines are getting a bit inflated but Northwestern doesn’t have the offense to keep pace. Buckeyes 41-10
pkloa: There’s no reason Northwestern should keep this game close, but I’ll pick them anyway.
MC: Does Northwestern still grow their grass out for faster teams? We’re not even going to be able to see J.K. Dobbins out there. OSU all the way.
WSR: Even with tOSU peeking ahead to next weekend, I don’t see how this one stays anywhere near close. That offense is just so shit, and you can only count on a defense to bail you out for so long before they start to crack.
MNW: So it happened in the Michigan State game, so it happens here. Ohio State isn’t a wisconsin, with any pretense of needing to Establish the Run or play football The Right Way—they will let Justin Fields do his thing early and often, will set Chase Young loose on Aiden Smith (or Hunter Johnson, it really doesn’t matter), and just keep their foot on the gas. Buckeyes, 48-7.
If you can believe it, this is a rematch of LAST YEAR’S Big Ten Championship game.
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Buckeyes by a lot
Buckeyes by less than 28
I have been drinking heavily
Saturday, October 12
11am | ESPN2 | Iowa -17.5 | O/U 49.5
Straight-Up: Iowa, 17-0
Against the Spread: Purdue, 16-1
Townie: I’ll watch this game. I think Iowa can handle the Boilers, but there’s now way they cover two touchdowns. And frankly, I think Purdue could steal this one, with a couple of lucky breaks. I’ll take Iowa to win, but they can’t cover the spread.
Boilerman: Here’s your fun betting stat of the day: Jeff Brohm is 8-0 as a 14+ point dog. Iowa seems to have issues dealing with Purdue’s offense. I think they keep it close but Iowa’s depth wins out. Hawkeyes 24-21.
pkloa: Purdue impressed me last week. Iowa is tough as hell, but I think the Brohm Squad keeps it closer than that spread.
MC: I picture this game being way closer than the spread predicts, which historically means I don’t know what I’m talking about. Meh. Purdue beats the spread.
WSR: I’m not really sold on either team here. I’m pretty sure that Iowa will win, but there’s nothing that suggests that they’ll be able to put up enough points to cover that spread. Iowa’s just a Northwestern with a better offense and worse defense, but not by much in either regard.
MNW: One thing we haven’t found a way to get to this week is how Iowa Twitter continues to melt down, as Marc Morehouse (who blocked the OTE Twitter account long ago for reasons unbeknownst to me) lost his shit at Go Iowa Awesome’s Patrick Vint:
Garbage commenter spreads asshole all over the internet.— Marc Morehouse (@marcmorehouse) October 15, 2019
It is Oct. 15. https://t.co/Ckoi19vodg
Later that day, the organizers of the cross-Iowa bike race that has existed since 1973, RAGBRAI, made headlines as they dissociated with the event—which is sponsored by the Des Moines Register—over the Register’s handling of the Carson King kerfuffle.
So everything in Iowa is burning down, and it’d just be a real shame if Iowa would lose its third straight to a Purdue team that is—somehow—still in the running for a bowl game (they’d need four from at Iowa, vs Illinois, vs Purdue, at Northwestern, vs Indiana).
Like I said, it’d be a real shame (Iowa, 23-8).
Most Hated Rivals meet:
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Iowa easy on Homecoming
Tight one, Hawks prevail
CHOO CHOO BITCHES
11am | BTN | wisc -31 | O/U 51
Straight-Up: wisconsin, 17-0
Against the Spread: wisconsin, 14-3
Townie: Ugh. The Wisconsin juggernaut continues its conquest of flyover country. Sorry Illini. The Badgers win and cover.
Boilerman: When a line moves that much, you take notice. Wisconsin continues to roll against the bottom of the B1G West. Badgers 49-3.
pkloa: I’m not sure Lovie is ever going to turn the corner and make the Illini a mediocre team. Badgers roll.
MC: I hate 30+ point spreads. With the way the season has shaken out for these teams, I don’t know that Wisconsin is even capable of leaving this game happy unless it’s a shutout. I don’t think it will be, but I’ll take the Badgers to cover.
WSR: The question here is really “how much does Paul Chryst like having Lovie Smith around?”
MNW: It’ll be fun to see if Illinois’s space-eaters like Jamal Milan can stack the box and prevent wisconsin from Establishing the Run with Jonathan Taylor.
I say “fun,” but you have to remember I also willingly watch Montana D-II women’s basketball games and California JUCO football on Eleven Sports Network when it’s on. badgers, 35-9.
how badly does this go
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galloping ghost himself rides again
2:30pm | BTN | IU -3.5 | O/U 57
Straight-Up: Indiana, 16-1
Against the Spread: Indiana, 15-2
Townie: I’m surprised the line is this close. Indiana looks competent, Maryland decidedly does not. I’ll take Indiana to win and cover easily.
Boilerman: I can’t decide if I should be confused by this line or not. Indiana should win as they’re offense is a bad matchup given Maryland’s issues in the secondary. Indiana’s 4-2 ATS this year, make it 5-2. Hoosiers 42-17.
pkloa: Hoosiers have been better than the Terps all year. Add in the Maryland home field disadvantage and you have a recipe for Indiana’s first B1G Mollywhoppin’ in [too lazy to look it up].
MC: I don’t think we know a ton about this Indiana team yet, but to their credit they’re results have felt consistent with expectations. On the contrary, Maryland has been a confusing whirlwind whose trajectory is due south. Indiana wins and covers.
WSR: I’m not really sure I have a feel on this game. Indiana should win, but Maryland still has a few good pieces and could jump up and bite a non-elite team in the ass in spite of Mike Locksley. I’ll go with the Hoosiers, but I’m not touching this for my actual parlay this weekend.
MNW: It’s a real bummer that Indiana under Tom Allen has become so boring, even with an exciting tandem like Whop Philyor and Michael Penix, Jr. Amid all this, I think it’s high time for Anthony McFarland to bust a couple runs and these two wild cards to give us a nice shootout. Let’s call it Indiana, 47-43 with a late touchdown.
In the Better-as-Basketball Bowl...
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Hoosiers handle it
I like to middle 3.5-point college football lines because I am a lot of fun at parties
2:30pm | BTN | Minn -28.5 | O/U 48
Straight-Up: Minnesota, 17-0
Against the Spread: Minnesota, 12-5
Townie: Minnesota’s head is starting to inflate like Lil’ Red’s. And rutgres does nothing but add to that. It’s a rout. Minnesota by a gazillion.
Boilerman: I just heard a bookie on VSiN state, “We’ve lost so much money on Rutgers this year. What are we gonna do, take them off the board?” Yes, yes you should. Gophers 49-5.
pkloa: Yep, I’m dumb. I don’t know, call it a hunch. Buttgers loses 31-3.
MC: Say what you will about Minnesota’s legitimacy, and I will, but this is one they’re poised to tee off on. Anything less than covering is a failure, but they’ll get it done.
WSR: Everything and everyone seems to be optimistic about this game, but I can’t help but look at it and wonder if Ciarrocca isn’t going to think that Rutgers is worse than Georgia Southern and just run inside zone for 4 quarters and squeak out a close win. I really hope Fleck doesn’t let that happen, but ugh. UGH I TELL YOU.
MNW: Just close your eyes and think of England, Rutgers. Minnesota, 42-3.
minnesota wins, but do they cover
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6:30pm | ABC | PSU -8.5 | O/U 45
Straight-Up: Penn State, 15-2
Against the Spread: Michigan, 9-8
Townie: Interesting, high-profile game. Josh Gattis is Michigan’s new OC by way of Alabama. But he was at PSU as a wide receivers’ coach just two years ago. Harbaugh is on the ropes with his fans. He needs to come into Happy Valley and get a win.
But Franklin needs this win as much or more than couch cry-baby. At home, in front of a huge crowd, with national attention...lose this one and he’ll be laughed out of the top 10. After Wisconsin’s demolition of Michigan, PSU has to step it up.
I think they can. The defense holds Michigan scoreless for three quarters. The running game gets rolling and PSU is up 21-0 by half. Lions win going away by 2 scores.
Boilerman: I don’t like this game. I don’t like this line. I don’t like it at all. Going with the middle but I hate Harbaugh and Franklin in this game, so no one wins. Penn State 13-9.
pkloa: Don’t bet the house on the Penn State cover, but you can safely bet the jar of coins in the kitchen. The Lions’ weapons will be too much for an admittedly talented Wolverine defense. Michigan gets shaken and stirred, scoring 007 or fewer.
MC: I’m weirdly confident in this one. Michigan has been looking pretty good against their bad opponents and rough against good ones. Penn State definitively fits the latter and hosts; I like Penn State to cover.
WSR: Can we start calling them the “WoLLLLverines” now or do we need to wait? Did I add enough L’s in there? This is much more difficult than guessing what’ll happen in the actual game.
MNW: I’m 100% with Boiler on this one. It feels like Penn State should cover—no argument there, and I won’t be surprised if and when it happens, particularly with Sean Clifford exploiting the Wolverines’ defense with speedsters like KJ Hamler. But in the meantime, perhaps a slugfest with a few sacks both ways. Penn State, 17-14.
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eh, white out