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The Weekly Mailbag is absolutely off its sleep cycle.

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This is a man who looks sad because he doesn’t have coffee.
Photo by Joe Robbins/Getty Images

Good morning! Terribly sorry about the timing for the mailbag drop this week, but we got a bit busy around here. So here we are on Saturday morning with me staring at the coffee pot waiting for it to finish up before I race off to the airport.

Is there a rivalry game you’d rather win at the expense of the others every year? - AlltheIowanamesaretaken

pkloa: ...rivalry?

Candystripes: I’m totally cheating this question, but I would give away the Bucket for the next decade if it meant IU could get Ohio State and Michigan in the same year. Yes, that is how badly I want these ridiculous streaks to be over.

BrianB2: In regards to Maryland football? Not really. I guess continuing to beat Rutgers would be helpful at maintaining our “we are only second worst” status. But we already lose every other B1G game every year anyway, so speaking hypothetically about reality just isn’t all that fun.

Creighton: No? Let’s run through all the games real quick.

Iowa State- I don’t want them to ever think they matter, so I’m never letting them win.

Minnesota- Sorry, but I’m not giving up the best trophy in the sport.

wisconsin- Fuck wisconsin.

Nebraska- I actually don’t have super strong feelings about this game outside of thinking the fans are incredibly annoying, so I guess I’d give up Nebraska if it meant winning the other 3 games every year.

Stew: Gonna say no. This is kinda my standard

ISU is the game I want to lose the least. It means it’s going to be a bad season, and the crowing from the locals is bad.

Minnesota is the trophy I want to win the most, as Floyd is just the goddamn best.

wisconsin is the team I want to beat the most. It generally means the season is going to be special.

Nebraska is the team I hate the most.

So would I take a win in one if it meant a loss to the other 3? Hell no.

Beez: If Wisconsin’s rivals were, say, Ohio State and Bama, hell yes I would. Instead they’re Iowa and a bunch of trash. No way I’m going 1-3 with a win over Iowa and a loss to Minnesota, Michigan State, and whoever’s in the CCG.

Boilerman: Honestly, I wish the Purdue-Fuck Notre Dame game was still a thing. I’d gladly take a win over them and their Reversible Jacket fans every year over the two other trophy games.

MNW: It’s likely not germane to the rest of Northwestern fans, but I would take a win over wisconsin for a win over anyone else (really just Illinois and maybe Iowa, I suppose). But at this point, I’d just take a fucking win.

WSR: Because the West has been predominantly a joke the last decade, the solution is simple: win the Axe, play in the B1GCG. It’s as ridiculous as it is sad. Plus badger tears are just the best.

If, hypothetically, you were stuck with preparing “vegetables” for Thanksgiving, what vegetable dish would you do that didn’t make you blow your brains out? - MNWildcat

Candystripes: Candied Yams/Sweet Potato Pie/Sweet Potato Casserole. Whatever you want to call it (and let’s be honest, these are technically different things, but they really aren’t different at all), it’s sweet and it barely tastes like vegetables, and you can put marshmallows on it, and all will be well.

pkloa: Corn on the cob. Thanksgiving is the last opportunity to get this fresh, delicious treat. Also, you get corn in the vegetable section of the grocery store, so it totally counts.

BrianB2: I feel like there are a bevy of options here. Sweet Potatoes, regular potatoes, green beans, corn, asparagus, cauliflower, broccoli. How you want to prepare these is up to you. As long as I am not stuck with a big bowl of brussel sprouts, I’ll be okay.

Creighton: I’m not sure potatoes count as vegetables, but collard greens done right are an excellent way to pretend you’ve got something healthy on your plate when it’s all just grease and starch.

Stew: Potatoes are absolutely vegetables. But I’m going with a simple tray of fresh veggies. There’s enough heavy food for Thanksgiving, and having things people can crunch that’s fresh is nice.

Boilerman: Green Beans made with bacon and sauted onions. Simple, delicious, fantastic.

Beez: To the extent sweet potatoes are a veggie, Candystripes is correctamundo. Corn (not on the cob, you slobs) with some salt, pepper, and a little butter is a fabulous and easy side dish that your friends and family won’t stop talking about for minutes--which is longer than it’ll take to prepare!

WSR: Bourbon-glazed carrots. And for Mrs. MNW: Bourbon-glazed carrots, hold the carrots and glaze.

Which coach outside of the B1G would be the most dangerous coaching inside of the B1G? And better yet, which school and why? - Slowhand422

pkloa: Bill Belichick would get any recruit he wanted. I’ll put him as most dangerous at Michigan, because the scowl-offs against Dantonio would register on the Richter scale.

BrianB2: I am not certain how “dangerous” he would be, but to see Ed Orgeron battling both the weather and the varying new accents he would encounter on the sidelines in Minnesota or Wisconsin would be pretty entertaining.

Creighton: All of the hot names from the G5 are a roll of the dice, but I think Chris Klieman could do an excellent job at any school in the conference. Also does Bert still count?

Beez: Ray Lewis has gotta be coaching someone somewhere, right? Seems like the murder-assistant guy would be pretty dangerous.

MNW: Greg Schiano at Rutg--hahahaha just kidding. No.

I decided to construct this as “what Illinois combination would scare me the most?” and came up with Mike Leach as HC and Brock Spack as DC. I don’t know why, and it’s probably not even a good answer.

WSR: Mike Leach in Lincoln? That seems pretty dangerous, and the impending explosion when he’s had enough of the fanbase and media’s shit would be absolutely amazing.

Which B10 coach would make the best movie where he is hounded by a younger version of himself deriding him for not having as much success? - KetteringLex

pkloa: I, for one, greatly miss seeing Coach Hype. Franklin’s doing a good job, but I think James from Five Years Ago would be shocked at how reserved he is to become.

BrianB2: Pat Fitzgerald in “Groundhog Day 2”

Creighton: Jim Harbaugh wandering around the house in his underwear holding a glass of scotch and screaming into the mirror about how he was a guest star on Saved by the Bell.

Stew: I think it’s probably a tie between Fitz and Harbaugh. They’re both crazy and intense, and have been so since forever. They’d absolutely kill the other version of themselves, and it would be hilarious. Fleck wouldn’t work at all because he’d just be incredibly positive the entire time.

Beez: Is Fleck and his missing hair too low-hanging? Harbaugh now being followed around by just-lost-the-SB Harbaugh would be good as well. Or Chris Ash. I’ll say Chris Ash, because he went from Next Big Thing to Chris Ash 2019.

WSR: So really, the West would be boring because you’ve got Fleck, Lovie, and Ferentz with the anything that closely resembles a personality. Frost and Brohm are redasses, and Chryst is a sentient placemat. So let’s get away from the West. You know who would be fun tormenting his older self? Mike Locksley. You know that shit’s going to be some sort of sci-fi action that leads to a boxing match or something like that, and it’ll be amazing.

What was your favorite Disney TV cartoon as a kid? - WSR

pkloa: Darkwing Duck!

BrianB2: Dick Vitale

Creighton: The OG DuckTales. TaleSpin and Darkwing Duck are close seconds.

Stew: If we’re limiting this to Disney TV cartoons, I think DuckTales and Chip + Dale’s Rescue Rangers are probably on the top of the list. By the time Darkwing Duck and Talespin came around I had moved off of Disney type stuff onto TMNT and Animaniacs.

Boilerman: Ok, these aren’t Disney but I had the “Farmer 5” growing up, so don’t @ me. 6-under: Bugs Bunny and Friends. From the age of 6-10: Thunder, THUNDER, THUNDER, THUNDERCATS, HOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! 10-12: Animaniacs.

Stew: So I watched Thundercats at some point in college, and boy, it does not hold up. But yeah, back in the day, Thundercats was the fukin’ bomb.

Beez: Ducktales and TaleSpin for sure. Anyone remember the Ducktales Nintendo game where you went to the moon?

MNW: How have none of you mentioned Recess? You all whomp.

WSR: Y’all are good at this. You hit everything I used to watch and love.


So there you have it. We’ve all survived another week together, and now it’s time to watch football for one of the last times this year. When you have a moment, weigh in on your favorite Disney cartoon and the two greatest questions of our time in my poll below. Thank you and have a great today.

Poll

So?

This poll is closed

  • 65%
    Whole Beans
    (48 votes)
  • 34%
    Pre-ground
    (25 votes)
73 votes total Vote Now

Poll

What’s the best way to get coffee?

This poll is closed

  • 27%
    Drip
    (25 votes)
  • 8%
    Percolater
    (8 votes)
  • 24%
    French Press
    (22 votes)
  • 39%
    Paying someone else to do it.
    (36 votes)
91 votes total Vote Now