Week 13: B1G Stock Report

It is time to rate things on the internet.

A look at the box score can tell you how a stock price is dancing around its moving average, but the aim here is to evaluate recent performance to estimate future return. I am trying to tell you what the future will hold, and which team is the best bet for your fandom investment. The musings below are how I, the autocrat of this feature, view each team’s performance and potential.

I am an investment committee of one (though I may deign to consider the opinions of others). Whether or not I am being unreasonable is something only I can decide.

Nomenclature Alert: The Mollywhoppin’.

There are three elements to a Mollywhoppin’: Shutout an opponent; Outscore opponent by 20; Score 50 on an opponent.

There are Three Degrees of Mollywhoppin’: Third-Degree — one of the elements above is present; Second-Degree — two of the elements above are present; First-Degree — all three elements are present (the score is 50-0, or worse).

The beauty of the Mollywhoppin’ is that one can be declared just by looking at the scores — one need not watch the games. As a “writer,” this aligns with my interests.

Get used to this system, because I am going to use it. A lot. Read the origin story here.

This week there are five “Buys,” and four “Holds.” The equal number of “Buys” and “Sells” is indicative of a neutral trend on the OTE Index.

Now that everyone is tuned up, we go into rivalry week. There will be THE AXE, THE BUCKET, and HAT. There will also be THE GAME, and whatever the thing Nebraska and Iowa is (sponsored by HyVee). Let’s relish this last week of football, family, esprit de corps, rivalry, and flat out HATE. We will miss it when it is gone. Have a great Thanksgiving weekend, everyone.

Onward.

Buy

Ohio State Buckeyes - (Defeated Penn State, 28-17) The only team that can beat Ohio State is Ohio State. The Buckeyes gave the Buckeyes a run for their money in the third quarter, but eventually Fields hit Olave to ease the pressure. The OSU defense took care of the rest. Next up: @Michigan.

Penn State Nittany Lions - (Lost to Ohio State, 28-17) Penn State gave a good effort, and that may be the closest game the Buckeyes play all season. While the Nits capitalized on short fields following Buckeye miscues, they were only able to sustain one long scoring drive. Penn State is the second-best team in the East. Next up: Rutgers.

Wisconsin Badgers - (Defeated Purdue, 45-24) Wisconsin allowed over 300 passing yards to a freshman, in Madison. That might send up some red flags ahead of the match-up for the Axe. Jonathan Taylor continues to be the real deal. It should be a great game this week. (Third-Degree Mollywhoppin’) Next up: @Minnesota.

Minnesota Golden Gophers - (Defeated Northwestern, 38-22) Minnesota could have played better against Northwestern, but they did not come close to losing the game. In the big picture, the Gophers are 10-1, with the Axe game in Dinkytown deciding who goes to Indy. This team is back to “Buy.” Next up: Wisconsin.

Michigan Wolverines - (Defeated Indiana, 39-14) Michigan took care of Indiana, and fairly easily at that. The Game will be in Ann Arbor this season, and it should be exciting. Do the Wolverines think they are going to beat Ohio State by throwing it all over the field? With that pass rush and secondary? Alrighty. (Third-Degree Mollywhoppin’) Next up: Ohio State.

Hold

Iowa Hawkeyes - (Defeated Illinois, 19-10) Iowa beat Illinois at home by nine points. This is not surprising, and it tells us nothing about how the game will go when they face Nebraska. Next up: @Nebraska, Friday.

Indiana Hoosiers - (Lost to Michigan, 39-14) I guess this was not the year for Indiana to beat Michigan. Indiana is now 7-4, which is surprising, I grant you. However, the two game losing streak puts Indiana in “Hold” territory. (Mollywhopped in the Third-Degree) Next up: @Purdue.

Illinois Fighting Illini - (Lost to Iowa, 19-10) The four game winning streak is officially over, and the Illini have some injury concerns at quarterback. Illinois is still going bowling, and will likely beat their in-state rival this week, so I will make them a “Hold” in spite of the loss. Next up: Northwestern.

Nebraska Cornhuskers - (Defeated Maryland, 54-7) Nebraska finally blew someone out. It was late in the season and nobody watched it, but I assure you it happened. Every phase of the team was at least solid, so we will move the team up to a “Hold,” at least for this week. Nebraska needs to beat Iowa at home this Friday to secure a bowl berth. Chances look marginally better after this road win. (Second-Degree Mollywhoppin’) Next up: Iowa, Friday.

Sell

Purdue Boilermakers - (Lost to Wisconsin, 45-24) This game was closer than it had any right to be, thanks to four turnovers from the Badgers. Again, I have admiration for what the Boilers have done, but a Mollywhoppin’ going into rivalry week makes them a “Sell.” (Mollywhopped in the Third-Degree) Next up: Indiana.

Michigan State Spartans - (Defeated Rutgers, 27-0) The Spartans will go bowling with a win over Maryland. They will beat Maryland. (Second-Degree Mollywhoppin’) Next up: Maryland.

Northwestern Wildcats - (Lost to Minnesota, 38-22) Northwestern summoned 223 yards of total offense against Minnesota, at home, in what might normally have been characterized as a trap game for the Gophers. Epiphany: “LOL Hat” has a meaning I never fully embraced before. Next up: @Illinois.

Maryland Terrapins - (Lost to Nebraska, 54-7) Maryland got blown out at home by Nebraska. They got sacked six times and turned the ball over four times. These guys made the 2019 Huskers look like a power program, and that is a damning statement. (Mollywhopped in the Second-Degree) Next up: @Michigan State.

Rutgers Scarlet Knights - (Lost Michigan State, 27-0) This is the fourth time that Rutgers has been shut out this year. The drive for five culminates in State College this weekend. (Mollywhopped in the Second-Degree) Next up: @Penn State.

Feel free to laud my grace, charm, and judgment in the comments.