Fresh off the rousing success of our first FEAST WEEK thread, we have decided to bring you another one.

By this point, as we all expected, Northwestern has advanced to its tournament finals and Nebraska won a game, while Michigan State and wisconsin took a shocking loss in the opener, which the badgers then compounded with a loss to New Mexico. So that’s fun!

PS Duke lost to Stephen F. Austin last night and now Rutgers has a transitive victory over Duke and things just don’t make a damn lick of sense anymore.

Things are super normal in basketball land! And more teams hit the court across North America and the Caribbean today! Let’s preview them:

Wednesday

Michigan Wolverines (4-0, KP 25)

Battle 4 Atlantis | Imperial Arena, Nassau, Bahamas

R1: vs. Iowa State Cyclones (3-1, KP 40)

11am | ESPN | Mich -4 | O/U 132.5

The Cyclones have already lost to Oregon State, and even if I like Wayne Tinkle, an All-Name Basketball Coach if there ever was one and the Beavs aren’t that bad, I think losing to Oregon State automatically qualifies as “You are bad at basketball.” So the Wolverines should roll in this one, right?

The young ‘Clones will rely on the experience of 6’8” wing Solomon Jones, who’s a terror on the offensive boards and in the paint—among Jones, Michael Jacobson, and George Conditt, Steve Prohm’s bunch might have the defense to contain Jon Teske inside. So it’s a question of whether Isaiah Livers and Eli Brooks can shoot their way past a Cyclones defense that is vulnerable to the deep ball.

By the way, I would like to share the latest in Dan Dakich stupidity:

ESPN cut to the studio, asking its experts about two featured players in the day’s games, including Cassius Winston, a “player to watch” and contender for B1G PotY.
Dakich: “I’ll tell you who’s every bit the player Cassius Winston is: Zavier Simpson of Michigan.”

By this logic, Zavier Simpson leads his team to a first-round loss to Iowa State. Sorry, Michigan, them’s the rules. Congrats on your transitive loss to Pacific or whomever.

R2: North Carolina Tar Heels (5-0, KP 9)

Thursday, 12:30pm | ESPN2

Other Teams: Gonzaga Bulldogs (6-0, KP 6), Southern Miss Golden Eagles (2-3, KP 224), Seton Hall Pirates (4-1, KP 19), Oregon Ducks (5-0, KP 18)

MNW: Which is the LEAST LIKABLE fanbase in this tournament?

Thump: Jesus Christ. I’m gonna run it as a tourney with that bracket

• Michigan beats ISU
• Oregon beats Seton Hall
• Gonzaga beats Southern Miss
• Ugh UNC Bama

You know what, I’m gonna say Michigan over Oregon. and I’m gonna be very unconventional and say UNC/Bama combine to knock out Gonzaga and postpone their actual decision til the next round.

So now we got michigan vs the winner of UNC-Bama and i’ll say bama loses to unc because at least they’re generally pretty honest about not giving a shit about basketball. See, you have only UNC giving a shit about basketball of those three. But Michigan fans pretend like they do and always have. When they don’t, even though Michigan basketball has been way better than Michigan football since Harbaugh got there.

Nevertheless, UNC takes it over michigan because goddamn. UNC fans. remember the time some of them made accounts to comment on OTE?

Penn State Nittany Lions (5-0, KP 30)

NIT Season Tip-Off | Barclays Center, Brooklyn, NY

R1: vs. Ole Miss Rebels (4-1, KP 53)

4pm | ESPN2 | PSU -2.5 | O/U 134

This game is just an excuse for us to remember an All-Time College Basketball Guy, Marshall Henderson.

Anywho, the Rebs have given the keys to Kermit Davis Jr., who went one year at Texas A&M and committed a bunch of rules violations and left. I’m sure that will go fine and there will be no problems in SEC basketball. Ole Miss runs, gets into the lane with Breein Davis, and forces fouls, then locks down on the outside.

In all honesty, I still can’t believe Penn State is undefeated. Seems implausible.

R2: vs. Oklahoma State Cowboys (5-0, KP 45) or Syracuse Orange (4-1, KP 37)

After falling behind by a touchdown against Virginia, Dino Babers’ boys kept up but fell by a two-score margin, 48-34. The Orange have been undefeated, though, and are in pole position to get to a bowl game, assuming they can get past Mike Gundy’s Cowboys in this one.

Michigan State Spartans (4-2, KP 1)

Maui Jim Maui Invitational | Lahaina Civic Center, Maui, HI

Consolation Final: vs. UCLA Bruins (5-2, KP 113)

1:30pm | ESPN2 | MSU -14 | O/U 147

After a shocking loss to Virginia Tech—who then got pasted by Dayton—in the opener, Sparty rallied against Tom Creams and the Georgia Bulldogs, surviving 33 second-half points from Anthony Edwards and getting 28 from Cassius Winston to hold off the Bulldogs, 93-85.

For their reward, they get an undisciplined-but-explosive UCLA team struggling to conform to the first year of Mick Cronin. The diminutive Cronin and Izzo should make for some sideline fireworks as Prince Ali and Tyger Campbell will attempt to crack the Spartans’ defense. Let’s just sit back, drop a little acid, and enjoy Bill Walton on the call.

Nebraska Cornhuskers (3-3, KP 150)

Cayman Islands Classic | John Gray Gymnasium, George Town, Cayman Islands

3rd Place Game: vs. South Florida Bulls (3-3, KP 130)

4pm | FloSports ($) | USF -3 | O/U 135.5

Haanif Cheatham and Jervay Green were two of the latest in the Huskers’ new lineup to have a big game, getting Fred Hoiberg’s bunch past Wazzu in the Cayman opener, but Nebraska slumped in the semifinal against George Mason, with the Patriots shooting the lights out, hitting the offensive glass, and just pulling away from Nebraska.

At this point, though, third place would be a success, particularly if the Huskers can keep Dachon Burke Jr. going on offense. And I’d love to see Thorir Thorbjarnarson drop like 100 on the Bulls. Always.

Northwestern Wildcats (3-2, KP 98)

Fort Myers Tip-Off | Suncoast Credit Union Arena, Fort Myers, FL

Championship: vs. Pittsburgh Panthers (5-2, KP 80)

7:30pm | FS1 | Pitt -2 | O/U 119

Improbably, the ‘Cats are in the championship. Northwestern has defeated Providence, Bradley, and Norfolk State while losing to Merrimack and Radford. This doesn’t make sense, I don’t get it, and it’s dumb.

Pat Spencer scored 23 points against the Braves in Northwestern’s opening-round win. Yes, Pat Spencer. The lacrosse player. This doesn’t make sense, I don’t get it, and it’s dumb.

In the meantime, Northwestern is settling into a nice 8-man rotation, with sophomore F Pete Nance and freshman C Ryan Young driving the bus on offense most of the time, sophomore F Miller Kopp kicking in, especially if he can find his stroke from deep, and...you know what? I don’t know. I honestly don’t. Pitt shot 1/16 in their win over K-State! They slow it down and muddy it up and it could be very, very ugly. So we’ll see! This is definitely a “house money” kind of game.

Thursday

Maryland Terrapins (5-0, KP 15)

Orlando Invitational | HP Field House, Orlando, FL

R1: vs. Temple Owls (4-0, KP 86)

10am | ESPN2

MNW: I’m pretty sure John Chaney is still the coach there, yes? If so, watch out for that one guy he’ll sic on you. If not, how should the Terps match up with the Owls? Any kinks Turge is still working out?

BrianB2: Temple ranks similarly to Rhode Island, and that game went reasonably well. Turgeon seems to be experimenting with different line-ups and defensive sets in every game this year, and we still seem to win pretty easily. So that’s good, I guess. First game away from home, so I guess we will have to wait and see how the team reacts to that.

DJ: Maryland should roll in this game but Temple does do things well that will make this closer. Temple is decent in transition defense, which is partly what has propelled Maryland to all of their easy wins so far outside of the obvious cupcake of a schedule.

On the flip side, their bigs are absolutely terrible and definitely will foul out if Maryland commits to the dribble drive and getting the ball to Jalen Smith and Mackhi Mitchell early and often. My only minor annoyance is the gametime here. This will be right when I am getting the Turkey ready to get on the smoker so I’ll likely miss some of the first half. That could be a blessing in disguise though with Maryland having slow starts all season.

R2: vs. Texas A&M Aggies (3-1, KP 95) or Harvard Crimson (4-2, KP 96)
Other Teams: USC Trojans (5-1, KP 59), Fairfield Stags (1-4, KP 278), Davidson Wildcats (2-3, KP 72), Marquette Golden Eagles (3-1, KP 29)

MNW: I am...whelmed...by this field. A&M and the Sweaty Potato are rebuilding, struggled with ULM and Troy, and got whipped by the Zags; Harvard are a buncha nerds. So it should be Maryland in the final, yes? Who scares you?

BrianB2: Buzz Williams has to beat Turgeon because Maryland hiring him as a Turgeon replacement has been a common theme on Testudo Times for years now. But, yes, not reaching the finals of this mediocre tournament would be pretty disappointing. Marquette could definitely be q challenge, but in reality it’s still Maryland basketball under Mark Turgeon, all teams scare me.

DJ: I am going to be really, really annoyed if this isn’t Maryland/Marquette in the final for the chance at a Q1 win here. This field was great...like four years ago. Marquette has struggled, even with a 3-1 record, but should provide at least an actual opponent for the second game in a row.

MNW: To which Disneyworld ride would you equate this tourney? What is your favorite Disneyworld ride, and why?

BrianB2: The People Mover in Tomorrowland. It technically is a ride, and it’s nice because generally the line is short and you just kind of get to sit down for a spell, but ultimately it isn’t all that entertaining. I don’t find too many rides at Disney to be all that great, Universal has far superior rides. Don’t at me.

DJ: Going for the first time in April, so can’t answer this question. It’ll be a whirlwind of a vacation with the kids but hopefully fun for all.

MNW: (BONUS) Congratulations on your runner-up finish to vastly superior Marquette and Markus Howard. Do with that what you will.

Iowa Hawkeyes (4-1, KP )

Las Vegas Invitational | Orleans Arena, Las Vegas, NV

R1: vs. Texas Tech Red Raiders (5-0, KP 17)

7pm | FS1

The overall goal here is to just win one game. Iowa gets Texas Tech first, and it’s going to be a bloodbath. Iowa just can’t compete with that level of competition.

R2: San Diego State Aztecs (6-0, KP 66) or Creighton Bluejays (4-1, KP 51)

After that is either Creighton or San Diego State Aztecs, probably the Aztecs, though, let’s be real. That’s a game Iowa should be able to win.

Some things to watch for: how does Iowa fill in for losing Jack Nunge to a torn ACL? My bet is with Cordell Pemsl, though I think I’d prefer them to go small with Joe Toussaint. Also do either Jordan Bohannon or Patrick McCaffery play?

---

Here’s the thread to get you through Thanksgiving Day! Enjoy your turkey, and remember, if your passive-aggressive aunt asks what’s so important on your phone that it means you can’t make pleasant conversation, you are legally clear to hit her in the face with a pumpkin pie. This definitely constitutes legal advice, and it creates and implies the existence of an attorney-client relationship. I bill at $250/hr. Please mail all checks to:
MNWildcat
PO Box 2-10
c/o Jesse Collins