First things first: Go read bucksfan92’s excellent recap of attending the Battle of the Bricks, between Miami Hydroxide and Ohio! It is DWT;WT at its finest to take time out on a cold Wednesday night to watch MACtion:

The wife and I are traveling for the weekend, meaning I get to spend almost no time thinking about Northwestern football, which is incredibly liberating. I’m going to try this more often!

We were having dinner at her parents’ house last night, and before we left, she rummaged through a box and found a bunch of old CDs that, for some reason, she really needed: Shania Twain, Celine Dion’s greatest hits, and so on. It became IMPERATIVE that I played all those CDs on the 30-minute car ride to the airport.

And then she tried to slip one by me: A burned CD from our high school days, clearly titled “Hip Hop (Intense)”.

I was going to listen to nothing else.

Friends, I am not a cultural historian (I have some pride), but if ever there was a project made for cultural historians of whiteness, suburbia, or the 2000s, this CD was tailor-made for the project. Collect all the burned CDs you can from the 2000s, judge them against their labeling—voila, you’re at the intersection of children’s history, suburban studies, whiteness, and more.

The following (which I am reposting for you with the permission of my ever-patient wife) is her list which, to review, was labeled “Hip Hop (Intense)” in about 2008:

1. “Rockin’ That Thang” — The Dream

2. “Beautiful” — Akon ft. Colby O’Donis, Kardinal Offishall

3. “Music for Love” — Mario

4. “Sugar” — Trick Daddy ft. Cee-Lo Green and Lil’ Kim

5. “Out Here Grindin” — DJ Khaled

6. “Say Yeah” — Wiz Khalifa

7. “Warrior” — Nelly

8. “Pop Lock & Drop It” — Huey

9. “Right Round” — Flo Rida ft. Ke$ha

I am going to stop there, momentarily. Let that list wash over you. Is that hip hop? In my whitest tone, I would say 50/50, maybe trending towards a majority.

Is that intense? You can be the judge. But I can hear a bus full of senior high girls trying to rap their way through “Right Round”, can’t you?

We continue.

10. “Starstrukk” — 3OH!3 ft. Katy Perry

WHAT. Here, for reference, is what 3OH3 looks like:

I guess when those first 9 songs are too intense, you need a palate cleanser to get ready for the big soccer game against Tartan.

11. “Get Freaky” — Pitbull

12. “What Them Girls Like” — Ludacris ft. Chris Brown, Sean Garrett

13. “Booty Bangs” — Jessi Malay

14. “I’m So Paid” -- Akon ft. Lil’ Wayne, Young Jeezy

15. “Don’t Trust Me” — 3OH!3

TO REVIEW, THIS IS WHAT 3OH3 LOOKS LIKE:

Hugh Thompson

16. “Toxic” — Britney Spears

At this point in the car no song was lasting longer than 15 seconds. I could not take it. But I had so many questions. Were the first 15* songs all the hip hop she could find? Just all the INTENSE hip hop?

17. “Bottoms Up” — Keke Palmer

18. “Poker Face” — Lady Gaga

19. “If You Seek Amy” — Britney Spears

Remember how TRANSGRESSIVE this song felt in 2008?

That’s it. That’s the playlist. We now have a window into what was “intense” and “hip hop” to a 17-year old girl living in the Twin Cities suburbs in 2007. I will take my doctorate and my endowed chair of American Studies (that’s basically all Studies is, no?) at the University of Minnesota, thank you, goodnight.

(Thank God I destroyed all my burned CDs from high school. The unironic transition from Rascal Flatts to Baby Bash to Reliant K would’ve been too much for the world to handle.)

Most importantly, a thank-you to my wife for allowing me to roast her online to a bunch of anonymous idiots. She is a saint.

UPDATE: NOW INCLUDING A PLAYLIST

People wonder sometimes why I love and spend so much time on this website. This year I’ve had two readers go to and send pictures from random-ass bad football games, and now bobby1927 has gone to the trouble of making a Spotify playlist of these songs.

I love this weird corner of the internet. Thank you, bobby, and thanks to all of you for reading.

Football games:

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By the way, I’ve included some of the highlights for basketball viewing consideration, but not all the games (that’d be a lot!). If you’d like to see a full basketball schedule and previews of all the week’s Big Ten games, check them out here:

Thursday Night

Don’t Watch This

Louisiana Ragin Cajuns (-14, O/U 59.5) at Coastal Carolina Chanticleers [6:30pm, ESPNU]
{CBB} Bryant Bulldogs at Rutgers [6pm, BTN]
{CBB} Presbyterian Blue Hose at Clemson [6pm, ACCN]
{NBA} Boston Celtics at Charlotte Hornets [7pm, TNT]
{NFL} Los Angeles Chargers at Oakland Raiders [7:20pm, FOX/NFL]
{CBB} Seattle Redhawks at Wazzu [8pm, Pac12]
{NBA} Portland Trail Blazers at Los Angeles Clippers [9:30pm, TNT]

Watch That

Temple Owls (5-3, 2-2 AAC) at South Florida Brahman Bulls (4-4, 2-2)

7pm | ESPN | Temple -1.5 | O/U 50

I should note that it might be worth starting your night thirty minutes earlier with Louisiana-Coastal...the Chants are still on the outside looking in at bowl eligibility at 4-4 and with roadies at Arkansas State and ULM after this. They did, however, go with the badass call of going for 2 to beat Troy last weekend.

The danger of Temple being decent was the danger that was going to follow them the moment they hired Rod Carey—they’re so. boring. Now, if you’re a Temple fan, you don’t (and shouldn’t!) give a shit: There’s an upset of ranked Maryland (I know), a 24-2(!!!) win over former HC Geoff Collins, and a win over ranked Memphis. But the shine’s fallen off in consecutive blowouts to SMU and UCF, and I’m not sold that running Remahn Davis into the line over and over and asking Anthony Russo to beat the Brahman Bulls with his arm is gonna pay off.

Friday Night

Don’t Watch This

UCF Knights (-17, O/U 70) at Tulsa Golden Hurricane [6pm, ESPN2]
{HOC} Minnesota at Michigan [5:30pm, BTN]
{CBB} Eastern Kentucky Colonels at #2 Kentucky Wildcats [6pm, SECN]
{CBB} UIC Flames at #14 Memphis Tigers [6pm, ESPNU]
{CBB} UNC Greensboro Spartans at #3 Kansas Jayhawks [6pm, ESPNU]
{CBB} Fairleigh Dickinson Knights at DePaul Blue Demons [7pm, FS2]
{CBB} East Carolina Pirates at Navy Midshipmen [7:30pm, CBSSN]
{CBB} SIU Edwardsville Cougars at Iowa Hawkeyes [8pm, BTN]
{CBB} Mississippi Valley State Delta Devils at Utah Utes [8pm, Pac12]
{CBB} Portland Pilots at USC Trojans [10pm, Pac12]

Watch That

Washington Huskies (5-4, 2-4 Pac12) at Oregon State Beavers (4-4, 3-2)

9:30pm | FS1 | UW -10 | O/U 64.5

{EPL} Norwich City vs. Watford FC

2pm | NBCSN

{CBB} #24 Auburn Tigers vs. Davidson Wildcats

5pm | CBSSN | Veterans Classic, Annapolis, MD

{CBB} Illinois Fighting Illini at Grand Canyon Antelopes

8pm | ESPN3

{CBB} Washington Huskies at #16 Baylor Bears

8:30pm | ESPN | Armed Force Classic, Anchorage, AK

{CBB} Arizona State Sun Devils vs. Colorado Buffaloes

9:30pm | ESPN2 | Shanghai, China

{CBB} Florida A&M Rattlers at Hawaii Rainbow Warriors

10:59pm | BigWest.org | Outrigger Rainbow Classic

I would just like to call your attention briefly to the DePaul Blue Demons, who opened their 2019-20 account with a relatively comfortable 72-54 win over Alcorn State in Wintrust Arena last night. That was November 5. By the end of November 8, the Demons should already be 3-0—they’ve scheduled games (all on FS2, for that matter, which...how? how is that what you want to be associated with, FS2?) with Alcorn State, D-III UChicago on Wednesday night, and Fair Dick on Friday night.

If you’re so comfortable with your non-conference, DePaul, that you’re fine playing three games in four days, you probably should find tougher opponents.

Anyway, a general rule I live by is “Watch weird basketball played in odd locations, and watch Pac-12 After Dark.” Is Oregon State actually good this year? PROBABLY NOT! [UNL fans will be happy to recall that this is where Tristan Gebbia wound up.] They’ve gotten fat on some very mediocre teams (wins over Cal Poly, UCLA, Cal, Arizona), but Jake Luton hucks it around a ton, the RB stable of Artavis Pierce and Jermar Jefferson is entertaining, and I’m pretty sure I have Isaiah Hodgins in my fantasy league. UW should lean on the Beavs and win this one, but it could be a fun evening regardless.

*That’s actually massively unfair to DePaul (KP 76) who will play at Iowa (KP 41), at Boston College (KP 118), at Minnesota (KP 77), and host Texas Tech (KP 15) and Northwestern (KP let’s not talk about it). But narratives are narratives. I am the captain now, and you can’t stop me.

Saturday Morning

Don’t Watch This

Purdue Boilermakers at Northwestern Wildcats (-2.5, O/U 39) [11am, BTN]
Maryland Terrapins at #1 Ohio State Buckeyes (-43.5, O/U 63.5) [11am, FOX]
Vanderbilt Commodores at #10 Florida Gators (-26, O/U 48.5) [11am, ESPN]
#12 Baylor Bears (-2, O/U 48.5) at TCU Horned Frogs [11am, FS1]
East Carolina Pirates at #25 SMU Mustangs (-22, O/U 70) [11am, ESPNU]
Massachusetts Minutemen at Army Black Knights (-34.5, O/U 62.5) [11am, CBSSN]
Texas Tech Red Raiders (-2.5, O/U 60) at West Virginia Mountaineers [11am, ESPN2]
Florida State Seminoles at Boston College Eagles (-2, O/U 62) [11am, ACCN]
Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets at Virginia Cavaliers (-15, O/U 44.5) [11:30am, ACCNx]

Watch That

#4 Penn State Nittany Lions (8-0, 5-0 B1G) at #17 Minnesota Golden Gophers (8-0, 5-0)

11am | ABC | PSU -7 | O/U 47.5

Western Kentucky Hilltoppers (5-4) at Arkansas Razorbacks (2-7)

11am | SECN | Ark -1.5 | O/U 53

You are watching Penn State-Minnesota. I, as a Northwestern fan, will be watching Penn State-Minnesota if I bother to watch at all. There is nothing appealing about Ohio State scoring with the sixth-stringers on Maryland, and I doubt I’m switching over to Baylor-TCU or Texas Tech-West Virginia unless they’re getting super-nutty.

Instead, might I recommend the possibility that Arkansas picks up its second G5 loss of the year? My SJSU Spartans have already done it, and now we’ll see if Chad Morris’ spread offense can test a reasonable WKU defense. And I personally like the idea of goosing the SEC Network’s ratings just for a game where they lose to a G5 opponent.

Saturday Afternoon

Don’t Watch This

UTSA Roadrunners at Old Dominion Monarchs (-4.5, O/U 43) [1pm, ESPN3]
Air Force Falcons (-21.5, O/U 57.5) at New Mexico Lobos [1pm, ATSN]
Charlotte 49ers (-12.5, O/U 57.5) at UTEP Miners [2pm, ESPN+]
Stanford Cardinal (-3, O/U 54.5) at Colorado Buffaloes [2pm, Pac12]
South Alabama Jaguars at Texas State Bobcats (-7.5, O/U 41.5) [2pm, ESPN3]
#2 LSU Tigers at #3 Alabama Crimson Tide (-6.5, O/U 65) [2:30pm, CBS]
#16 Kansas State Wildcats at Texas Longhorns (-7, O/U 58) [2:30pm, ESPN]
#19 Wake Forest Demon Deacons (-2.5, O/U 63.5) at Virginia Tech Hokies [2:30pm, ACCN]
UConn Huskies at #20 Cincinnati Bearcats (-35, O/U 56) [2:30pm, CBSSN]
Georgia Southern Eagles (-2.5, O/U 55.5) at Troy Trojans [2:30pm, ESPN+]
Louisville Cardinals at Miami-Fluoride Hurricanes (-6.5, O/U 51) [2:30pm, ESPN2]
#18 Iowa Hawkeyes at #13 wisconsin badgers (-9.5, O/U 38.5) [3pm, FOX]
New Mexico State Aggies at Ole Miss Rebels (-28, O/U 68) [3pm, SECN]
North Texas Mean Green at Louisiana Tech Bulldogs (-5.5, O/U 68) [3pm, Facebook]
FIU Sunblazers at Florida Atlantic Owls (-10.5, O/U 61) [5pm, Facebook]
{CBB} Central Connecticut Blue Devils at St Johns Red Storm [3pm, FS2]
{CBB} Iona Gaels at La Salle Explorers [3pm, NBCSN]

Watch That

USC Trojans (5-4, 4-2 Pac-12) at Arizona State Sun Devils (5-3, 2-3)

2:30pm | ABC | ASU -1.5 | O/U 56.5

UAB Blazers (6-2, 3-1 C-USA) at Southern Miss Golden Eagles (5-3, 3-1)

2:30pm | NFLN | USM -4.5 | O/U 50.5

Georgia State Panthers (6-2, 3-1 Sun Belt) at ULM Warhawks (3-5, 2-2)

4pm | ESPN+ | GSU -2.5 | O/U 75.5

No. I won’t watch it, and you can’t make me.

I’ve enjoyed all the ESPN talking heads breathlessly recounting the 2011 9-6 fiasco as if it was anything other than what they’ve pilloried the Big Ten over for a decade—it was plodding, regressive, dumb football, and everyone should feel bad for having participated. There should be no do-overs, unless you’re a pissbaby Southerner who can’t handle that he lost and has an inflated opinion of himself.

Now that I’ve said that, I can’t really recommend Iowa-wisconsin, can I?

Saturday Evening

Don’t Watch This

Missouri Tigers at #6 Georgia Bulldogs (-17, O/U 48) [6pm, ESPN]
Washington State Cougars (-7.5, O/U 51) at California Golden Bears [6pm, Pac12]
#5 Clemons Tigers (-31.5, O/U 53.5) at N.C. State Wolfpack [6:30pm, ABC]
#15 Notre Dame Fighting Irish (-8, O/U 51.5) at Duke Blue Devils [6:30pm, ACCN]
Tennessee Volunteers (PICK) at Kentucky Wildcats (O/U 42) [6:30pm, SECN]
Liberty Flames at BYU Cougars (-17, O/U 58.5) [6:30pm, ESPNU]
Iowa St. Cyclones at #9 Oklahoma Sooners (-14.5, O/U 68) [7pm, FOX]
{CBB} Rhode Island Rams at #7 Maryland Terrapins [8pm, FS1]

Watch That

Utah State Aggies at Fresno State Bulldogs

6pm | CBSSN | Fresno -6 | O/U 59

Appalachian St. Mountaineers at South Carolina Gamecocks

6pm | ESPN2 | SC -5 | O/U 51.5

{CBB} Texas Longhorns at #23 Purdue Boilermakers

6pm | FS1

{CBB} Oklahoma Sooners at Minnesota Golden Gophers

7pm | BTN

[something]

It’s late and I’m drunk...

Don’t Watch This

Nevada Wolf Pack at San Diego State Aztecs (-17, O/U 39.5) [9:30pm, ESPN2]
{CBB} Boise State Broncos vs. #15 Oregon Ducks [10pm, Pac12]

Watch That

Wyoming Cowboys at #22 Boise State Broncos

9:15pm | ESPN | Boise -12.5 | O/U 48

San Jose State Spartans at Hawai’i Rainbow Warriors

10pm | Facebook | Hawaii -7 | O/U 76.5

{CBB} South Dakota State Jackrabbits at CSU Bakersfield Roadrunners

9pm | ESPN+ | Summit League/WAC Challenge

DON’T MAKE ME CHOOSE, MOUNTAIN WEST. My Spartans were SO CLOSE against Boise State—they couldn’t stop George Holani and Jordan Love couldn’t throw his way out of trouble—and my Warriors shit the bed at home against Fresno, as Cole McDonald was pulled mid-game for Chevan Cordeiro. That stunk.

Did YOU know that there’s a Summit League/WAC Challenge in basketball? NO YOU DID NOT. But you do now, and I think you need to stop and appreciate what an affront to basketball most of this lineup is:

• Utah Valley Wolverines at North Dakota State Bison (11/23, 1pm)
• South Dakota Coyotes at Cal Baptist Lancers (11/27, 9pm)
• Western Illinois Leathernecks at Kansas City Roos (11/30, 7pm)
• Fort Wayne Mastodons at Grand Canyon (11/30, 6pm)
• New Mexico State at Denver Pioneers (12/10, 7pm)
• UTRGV Vaqueros at Omaha Mavericks (12/15, 12:30pm)
• Oral Roberts Golden Eagles at Chicago State Cougars (12/17, 7pm)

WHAT IS THE POINT OF THAT?! Not on the same day, just in random towns, between two tiny and inconsequential conferences. I can’t wait until, in 2025, the University of St. Thomas Tommies head west to play the Dixie State Bison at 11pm on a Wednesday night in February. ALL FOR THAT SUMMIT LEAGUE/WAC CHALLENGE TROPHY.

Go Cowboys.

Enjoy the games, everyone.