FanPost

Kyle Lindsted, Assistant Coach, Minnesota Golden Gophers. I must know more

Watching the Minnesota-Maryland game on January 8th (I'm a slow typer), I couldn't help but be bothered by something. Not the fact that the game had to stopped twice to review a hook and hold, a call which I have never heard of and somehow results in a flagrant foul*. No I was bothered by something much, much worse: The facial hair of Gophers assistant Kyle Lindsted.

I couldn't decide if he was he just hadn't shaved in a few days and had some very patchy growth, or if he was going for a full Don Johnson-Wolverine mashup. Just about every picture of him online shows him with a similar look -€ 3-5 days growth, with no hair around the cheeks. I did find one picture of him where it seemed like the hair had filled out around the cheeks, so maybe this is an intentional look. Is it a good look? I don't know (it is not). But if he likes it, hey, it's not doing me any harm. Do your thing, coach, that's not what this fanpost is about.

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Kyle Lindsted, or maybe his twin, Lyle Kinsted, looking normalish

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Kyle Lindsted, as seen by author thus inspiring this fanpost

Something far more interesting and nefarious than some bad facial hair resulted in my googles of Kyle Lindsted. While coaching at Sunrise Christian (I love the naming convention of [time of day]+[religion], it reminds me of my alma mater, Snacktime Shinto), a school with a menagerie on campus (?!?), Lindsted was involved in the apprehension of a 6 foot emu.

It makes sense that Lindsted would be involved in the cornering and capture of this emu, he was an able bodied 20-something employee of a school that has two emus in suburban Wichita, where the emu was on the loose. Luckily he was able to lock that emu up while sustaining only minor injuries to somebody else. But it turns out that it wasn't even Sunrise Christian's emu. Nobody knows whose emu it was.

So one day Lindsted is sitting his fancy office, probably overlooking his high school's emu enclosure, and he gets a call: "Hey, come get your emu." And instead of looking over his cocobolo desk (probably) in his office which sits encased in a large glass case (probably) overlooking his schools massive menagerie and counting to see if there were two emus present, or just one, this man springs into action and chases down and nabs this wayward emu. Only one account of this bizarre and maudlin tale seems to exist online, and has shockingly few details. https://www.upi.com/Mystery-emu-snagged-in-Wichita-chase

If anyone knows more on this (or what the fuck is going on with his beard) please let me know in the comments. I need to know. Thank you for your time and fuck Penn State.

*The author has no idea if this game stopped to review a hook and hold, but the author is pretty annoyed by this phenomena in genreal

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