Jim Delany to Retire! We Pick His Replacement

Jim Delany is known for two things. First, for looking strikingly like an aspirational live-action Pointy-Haired Boss:

And second, for being the commissioner of the Big Ten conference.

It is from this second role that Delany today announced that he would be retiring in June 2020.

It caps a remarkable run, given that Delany assumed his current position in 1989. During that time, he oversaw the conference’s expansion from ten to fourteen teams and the creation of the Big Ten Network, as well as drastic changes in power dynamics and rules in college football.

His legacy will no doubt be mixed: there has been the good (adding Nebraska), the bad (adding Rutgers), and the ambivalent (adding Maryland). He also added Penn State.

So who will be next to lead this storied conference? No one yet knows, but Northwestern AD Jim Phillips is a popular name bandied about. However, we at OTE, Fount of Wisdom, have our own ideas. Of course.

WhiteSpeedReceiver: ME! I’ll rule with an iron fist, never give Rutgers it’s fair share of revenue, and haughtily taunt the SEC over our non-baseball non-revenue superiority.

BRT: I think Jared Kushner could add this to his many responsibilities. He’s already done so much in the Middle East, AND he conveniently already has top-level security clearance, which is neat.

MNW: Trev Alberts. Seems like he’s working wonders at Omaha; I think he’s ready for prime time.

Thumpasaurus: Miles Smith may not have the most extensive resume, but all of his experience has been in the Big Ten. He’s spent his whole life around competent administration. He’s the man for the job.

StewMonkey: Barry Alvarez. No bad publicity will be tolerated within any of the local media markets. All negative stories will be squashed before publishing. Brainwashing everyone within the B1G’s borders.

MCClapYoHands: I nominate the ghost of Mister Rogers. His essence would encourage fairness and justice in governance, and while this might be speculating, out of reverence toward King Friday perhaps he would put an end to scheduling football games on that night.

Boilerman31: Now that we have expanded our footprint and increased our media rights, we must protect our position and decrease our expenses to a bare minimum. To this end, I nominate former Purdue AD Morgan Burke.

StewMonkey: Do you have money to burn? Is the only thing you care about money and how to generate more of it? Do you completely disregard any and all notions of fairness? Is quality managerial expertise not your thing? Is accountability just not your bag? Boy, have I got the candidate for you. #BigBarta

There you have it. The future is bright for the Big Ten!