Let’s talk about which B1G teams will need new coaches soon.

There’s an old adage about coaches that’s quite true in every sport: coaches are hired to be fired. The clock starts ticking the minute the introductory press conference ends, and the only ways to avoid getting fired are to retire, die, or take another job so Barry Alvarez isn’t your boss anymore. But have you thought about who’s going where next? Before I do the coaches preview (which was supposed to drop today, but I haven’t had the time to complete) let’s take a look at which B1G teams will be needing new coaches sooner than later.

Guys With That New Coach Smell

Ryan Day - Ohio State (3-0*, 40 years old)

Following Urban Meyer’s most recent decision to spend time with his family for a couple weeks before jaunting off to some other job on TV and then taking another coaching job (“Please welcome the next coach of your USC Trojans, Urban Meyer!”), Ohio State gave the keys to their car to OC/Not Greg Schiano person Ryan Day. The team looked good under Day when Meyer was suspended for reasons that would later be used as a redemption story by the idiots in the media, but all he had to do was call plays on gameday. Can he step in and just keep guiding the good ship Buckeye forward without any hiccups? We’ll find out.

Mike Locksley - Maryland (1-5*, 49 years old)

Locksley is known as a great recruiter and is a graduate of the Nick Saban School for Wayward coaches. He also went 2-15 as head coach at New Mexico and had issues with not punching assistants. If you’re looking for entertainment value from a coach, this is the guy for you. He’s as Tim Brewster as we’re probably going to get in the B1G.

Not Going Anywhere Soon

Paul Chryst - wisconsin (42-12 in 4 seasons, 53 years old)

He’s not going anywhere. But I can’t help but appreciate his efforts to remake the program in the image of the badgers from his playing days. Or maybe he’s just more comfortable with a .500 team like the ones he led at Pitt. The difference between 8-5 and 5-7 last season was Iowa and Purdue absolutely shitting the bed. Let’s watch and see what happens this fall.

A Ferentz - Iowa (152-101 in 20 seasons, 63 years old for Kirk and Brian “Nyiwa” Mobutu-Ferentz is 36)

As noted in The Book of Exodus, The Ferentzes are being forced to wander Iowa for 40 years. They know what they did to earn this.

Scott Frost - Nebraska (4-8 in one season, 44 years old)

He gets to decide when he leaves. We’ll see what that means for the rest of the B1G. He’s already off to a great start in recreating the Nebraska of my childhood in that he beat the living hell out of the Gophers and he doesn’t care about non-football things.

Jim Harbaugh - Michigan (38-14 in 4 seasons, 55 years old)

A better-recruiting Pat Fitzgerald that doesn’t win divisions.

Pat Fitzgerald - Northwestern (96-70 in 13 seasons, 44 years old)

A worse-recruiting Jim Harbaugh that won a division.

You Never Know When Idiotic Boosters Have Too Much Money And Alcohol

P.J. Fleck - Minnesota (12-13 in 2 seasons, 38 years old)

Minnesota is absolutely trending in the right direction right now, and this fall should be very interesting. We all know he’s ambitious, it’s just a question of who is willing to co-opt their program with his brand. War Damn ROW ROW ROW?

Mark Dantonio - Michigan State (107-51 in 12 seasons, 63 years old)

I honestly never have any idea what to think about Dantonio and Michigan State. He’s been one of the more consistent and successful coaches in program history, but he’s also had a few issues off the field and they’ve literally been all over the place the past 4 years. If he either decides to call it a day or gets shuffled upstairs into a new role, this is going to be one of the most interesting hires in the country.

Jeff Brohm - Purdue (13-13 in 2 seasons, 47 years old)

Yeah, yeah. He just got a new contract. And he beat Ohio State last year. Badly. But he’s now being paid top-tier money for being a .500 coach. Purdue’s ruining the curve for the rest of us. And y’all are still Purdue, right? You may have the best player in the B1G West, but something still just feels wrong here. (41-10 has more than a little to do with this, if I’m honest.)

James Franklin - Penn State (45-21 in 5 seasons, 47 years old)

Much like the rest of the OTE staff, I don’t know what to think about James Franklin. He’s done an outstanding job of collecting some very hyped talent. And Joe Moorhead did a great job of doing something with that talent on offense for a couple years. But he’s still the guy that should have lost to Minnesota in 2016 and probably would have been fired. His recruiting chops will always keep him competitive in the East when the other programs have hiccups, but he’s not going to be confused with Gary Patterson or David Shaw or anyone else who’s a brilliant football coach.

Hopefully Your AD Watches MAC And CUSA Games Regularly

Tom Allen - Indiana (10-15 in 2+ seasons, 49 years old)

Indiana football was wildly fun and inconsistent under Kevin Wilson, but they decided a steady defensive hand was needed when Wilson needed to be fired. Ummm...whoops. Indiana has been bottom half of the conference in terms of PPG both years and cratered in YPG in 2018.

Renting Instead Of Buying Is Just Fiscally Sound Decision-Making

Lovie Smith - Illinois (9-27 in 3 seasons, 60 years old)

Lovie is trying his hardest to improve the talent at Illinois. It’s just not an easy job when there’s nothing resembling competence in the athletic department leadership. And he’s not exactly doing a great job (does he even have a defensive coordinator yet?). The thought of Josh Whitman being allowed to hire another coach warms my cold, black heart.

Chris Ash Is Already Fired

Chris Ash - Rutgers (7-29 in 3 seasons, 45 years old)

Chris Ash is already fired. Bring in the next person who will wake up the sleeping giant.