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Hey Everybody! Look! Way Too Early Rankings!

Let’s talk about something pointless and stupid!

Ohio State QB attempts to recreate the famous Joe Bauserman Passing Chart
Joe Maiorana-USA TODAY Sports

So while everyone was off doing something else on Monday, CBS released a post-spring game Top 25 poll, and reader we are well-represented. Because it’s May and we have nothing better to do (unless you want to read my review of the Minnesota Volleyball spring scrimmage against North Dakota State from last Saturday), let’s take a look at the B1G teams that got listed.

#6 Ohio State

Sure. OK. They’ve been running laps around all of the rest of us recruiting, and even if there might be some concerns about Justin Fields as a passer, they should have enough other pieces in place to finish in the Top 10 assuming Ryan Day knows what he’s doing.

#9 Michigan

I’ll believe that their offense comes out of the stone age when I see it. I don’t care how many new coaches they bring in, they’ve still got Jim Harbaugh wearing the big headset. The Defense lost a ton, but I can’t see how that’ll have any impact on a team that relied on that side of the ball.

#13 wisconsin

Heh. Preseason #4 last year, unranked after the season. Let’s see how they waste one of the conference’s best players this year (assuming he doesn’t wisely decide to protect himself and his future NFL dollars instead of playing behind a new OL) and barely make a bowl again. But what they lack in experienced QB play and returning OL starts, they make up for with a lack of returning starters in the defense. I expect more great things out of madison this fall.

#17 Nebraska

Really? I mean, I love watching Adrian Martinez when he’s not going through the Gophers as much as anyone else, but...really? Let’s see some defense before we go around giving them some sort of TEXAS BACK ranking.

#20 Penn State

Plenty of recruiting prowess (top-15 in the 247 Talent Composite last season), but a new QB will make things interesting. This year will be one that I’m definitely watching to see if they can live up to the HYPE or if all of our jokes about James Franklin are right. I’ll give them credit and say that the defense should be pretty legit, so we’ll see how the rest of things shake out.

#23 Minnesota


#24 Northwestern

The purple cats replace Clayton Thorson with Hunter Johnson, and fatback Isaiah Bowser returns to plod through opposing teams at a leisurly pace on a short field created by Wizgerald magic. It’ll be boring, it’ll be dull, everyone that loses to them will pull their hair out, and they’ll probably finish above this ranking

#25 Iowa

It’s in Kirk Ferentz’s contract that he receives half of the GDP of the Democratic Republic of Iowa and a top 25 spot every preseason. So here they are. 7-5, some bowl in Florida, and another year closer to Brian taking over in a bloodless coup.

Noticeably outside this list are Illinois, Rutgers, and Purdue. If I had my druthers the Boilermakers would probably be here at 25 just due to the fact that they’ve got the best player in the west in Rondale Moore, but they were probably left out because the Buckeyes don’t travel to West Lafayette again.


Which Team Ranked Here Finishes With The Worst Record?

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