Because you live to click on things on the internet, may we interest you in ESPN talking-shouter Todd McShay’s cheeky little “Way Too Early 2020 NFL Draft” piece?

No?

That’s OK, because it’s behind an ESPN+ paywall and I am a whore for EFL Championship and USL One soccer games that I pay $5 a month for. Please do not at me.

...anyways.

You will remember Todd McShay as the galaxy-brain thinker who suggested, in 2016, that Minnesota Golden Gophers quarterback Mitch Leidner would be a first-round draft pick in the 2017 NFL Draft. The man paid money to blather this stupid shit later called his “way too early draft rankings” a “necessary evil” and said, shockingly, “The hard part is quite honestly I haven’t watched any tape on most of these guys.”

No fucking way, Todd.

Mitch Leidner, you may enjoy learning, went undrafted. Stunning.

Other idiots followed Todd’s example of lunacy a year later, elevating the Northwestern Wildcats’ signal-caller Clayton Thorson to a potential first-round pick in the 2019 draft, along with luminaries like Jarrett Stidham and Nick Fitzgerald.

Thorson was taken in the 5th round by the Philadelphia Eagles, to the chagrin of fans who did not, it turns out, want another Mike Kafka.

No shit.

But of course, you’re wondering: Who will it be in 2020?

Again: I looked at Todd McShay’s rankings so you don’t have to. I do the work, you get to make the jokes. That is how this works, and you are correct: You’re welcome.

Let’s run the B1G-relevant whole list!

12: Lorenzo Neal (DT, Purdue Boilermakers)

16: Tyler Biadasz (C, wisconsin badgers)

20: A.J. Epenesa (DE, Iowa)

26: Jonathan Taylor (RB, wisconsin)

29: J.K. Dobbins (RB, Ohio State Buckeyes)

AND THE MITCH LEIDNER MEMORIAL FUTURE FIRST ROUND DRAFT PICK IS...

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31: Nathan Stanley (QB, Iowa Hawkeyes)

Of course, the OTE team was here to weigh in with their commentary:

Andrew Krasziewski: Beep boop boo boo WAAAHHHHH

Stanley’s a great candidate though

Very pocket, such statuesque

Wow

is also large

Thumpasaurus: More than half of the ben roethlisberger comparisons can be attributed to iowa’s uniform.

WhiteSpeedReceiver: May be a better person than Big Ben, even if he doesn’t have as good of a first name. Is he going to be the same QB this fall without his 1st round TEs?

Stewmonkey13: This is exactly what I was afraid of, and probably could have predicted:

It makes way, WAY, too much sense.

But I’m sure, totally, and completely, that he’ll be the one to buck this horrific, yet predictable, trend.

I’m sure he’ll have no games like he had against PSU last season.

He’ll finally find touch on passes, and place the ball where receivers can run afterwards.

Congratulations to Nathan Stanley! Long may he reign as Mitch Leidner Memorial Future First Round Draft Pick.