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RAPID REACTION: Michigan Basketball to hire Juwan Howard. No, really.

The hell?

Michigan v Louisville Photo by Andy Lyons/Getty Images

The Michigan Wolverines have reached into the delusional homer section of every college fan board and hired a former player with a resume that does not scream “high major head coach,” inking a deal with former player and current Miami Heat assistant coach Juwan Howard:

Howard’s former teammate Jalen Rose has been very excited about his potential to revive a dead Michigan Wolverines basketball program that hasn’t had a pulse in many years:

But this isn’t a Michigan blog, so we’re sure you’d like to hear from more than just some former Michigan players you’ve definitely heard of on the hire of a former Michigan player you’ve definitely heard of!

WhiteSpeedReceiver: Who has the article about Juwan Howard going to Michigan for 5 more years, and this time his being paid for it is OK?

Andrew Krillinski: For the record, Brady Hoke was a better hire on paper. Either of Beilein’s assistants would have been better. Shaka Smart wouldn’t talk to them. Ed fuckin’ Cooley went back to Providence. [Howard]’s never recruited. Not once. This is a swing for the fences, but, like, an Adam Dunn swing.

Creighton: Juwon checks a lot of boxes that will make him successful in Ann Arbor:

  • Is a Michigan Man, as it’s been established that that’s all that really matters
  • Already knows which boosters are the most discreet when it comes to paying players
  • Baby Boomer Wolverine fans probably remember his name
  • Has failed in the NBA, knows what it takes to fail in college

Andrew Krillinski: Quick, someone tell me: what offensive system does Howard run? What’s his defense?

Creighton: Offense: Dump the ball to Josh Richardson. Defense: lol

Andrew Krillinski: You misspelled Jon Teske.

...oh my God,I hope that’s their offense: Give it to Teske in the post 20 times a game. I’m sure they’ll try to keep Beilein’s assistants, but why the fuck do you stay if you’re Yaklich or Washington? Michigan just ignored you to hire a guy with no experience.

Thumpasaurus: my very favorite thing is how HYPED Every Michigan Fan Ever though they replaced Brady Hoke with Jim Harbaugh, as opposed to replacing one of the best coaches in the country with a guy who’s absolutely the fuck not going to do better.

Beilein: coached 12 seasons, 9 tourney appearances (8 in last 9 years), 9 20-win seasons, three 30-win seasons, two regular-season championships, two BTT titles, five sweet 16s, three elite eights, two title games.

Howard: was once photographed near LeBron James

LincolnParkWildcat: why can’t DePaul get a coach like that :’(

Creighton: They probably could